


claimed by gods(?) gang gang

by EyeMug



Series: CBGGGverse [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Group Chat Fic, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Has ADHD, Light Angst, Multi, Tags will b updated as we go ig, at most, how do I tag this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 46,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24393751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyeMug/pseuds/EyeMug
Summary: Basi: Great job guys, pack it up, I'll see you on Monday.Basi: Jon get that fucking paper for Gertrude done.Jonny: Absolutely not!Basi: You're why God abandoned this timeline.Nikki: He Didn't Abandon It I Just Killed Him!Georgie: is it like in pokemon when you defeat the champion you become the champion? Are you now god?Nikki: Oh Of Course!
Relationships: Basira Hussain/Alice "Daisy" Tonner, Georgie Barker/Melanie King, Helen Richardson/Nikola Orsinov, Martin Blackwood/Sasha James/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Oliver Banks/Graham Folger
Series: CBGGGverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834603
Comments: 978
Kudos: 831





	1. Please Drink Water! Please! I'm Begging You You Overgrown Baby Of A Man! How Have You Survived This Long!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What's this au?" I dont know!  
> "Hey this doesn't work with canon because -" I know!  
> "Please, update your other fucking gc fic you havent touched since November" no!
> 
> hello:) welcome to my extremely self-indulgent fic called "nikola is human and her, jon, oliver and daisy knew each other in college"!!!!!!!!why?I dont know! I just want this! You've done worse! If I see another eliasfucker on my fyp I simply just may cry! End it all!
> 
> Theres lore for this but will I ever give it? Debatable.
> 
> ++ the timeline is fucked up to all hell!my timeline now. they r all in college. that's it! early to mid 20s area

**Nikki:** Jon!!

**Jonny:** Yes, Nikola?

**Nikki:** I Broke Into Your Flat, Right!

**Jonny:** Yeah?

**Nikki:** And I'm Like Oh! I'm Going To Drink Everything In This Man's Fridge!

**Jonny:** Why.

**Nikki:** Because! You Didn't Join Us For Drinks The Other Day!

**Nikki:** Point Is! I'm Expecting Orange Juice! Coffee Maybe! Bottled Water! But I Open It!

**Nikki:** And Every Single Drink Is Monster Or Some Sort Of Energy Drink!

**Nikki:** Do You Even Drink Water? What The Fuck! I Start Opening Your Cabinets! No Cups! Just More Energy Drinks! I'm So Worried For You!

**Jonny:** Nikola, you were touched by The Stranger. Isn't? Isn't The Stranger all about bad shit?

**Nikki:** Okay! One! That's The Spiral You Dumb Whore! Two! Yes! The Stranger Likes Us To Be Energetic And Slightly Unsettling! That Doesn't Mean It Doesn't Want Us To Be Healthy! What The Fuck! What The Fuck!!!!!!!

**Nikki:** Please Drink Water! Jonathan Please!

**Jonny:** It's finals week, Nik, I can't afford to drink water.

**Nikki:** Jesus Christ! How Are You Not Dead!

**Ollie:** jon I swear to god

**Jonny:** Well, in Oliver's own words,

**Ollie:** jon.

**Jonny:** "The world doesn't want me dead. It doesn't want me alive, but it doesn't want me dead." :)

**Ollie:** I hate it here

**Nikki:** We Know!

\--

**Daisy:** Jon where the fuck are you

**Jonny:** Ah, in my flat?

**Daisy:** ok cool

**Jonny:** ???

**Nikki:** Ooo??? Is It Time For Our Monthly Barge Into Jon's Flat Day???? It Wasn't Even On My Calendar!! We Have To Have These Things Planned! Jesus Fuck! This Is Why I Plan Them!

**Ollie:** no that's next week it's just movie night

**Nikki:** Oh! My Apologies Then! I Will Be Over Soon!

**Nikki:** Daisy, Do You Have A Movie? Or Do I Need To Get One

**Daisy:** I have one dw Nik

**Nikki:** Awe! I Wanted To Make You All Watch My New Favorite Movie!

**Nikki:** Have Any Of You Heard Of Killer Clowns In Space? It's Apparently A Classic! It's So Fun! They Put People In Cotton Candy Cocoons! It's Like The Web And The Stranger In One! I Love It!

**Ollie:** yeah I've seen it 

**Ollie:** it's alright ig

**Ollie:** have you seen the it movies? I think youd like that

**Nikki:** Yes!!! Those Are Delightful!!! I Love It When Pennywise Kills Richie's Love Interest! :) I Enjoy The Miniseries More, I Think! The Children In The New Movies Are Too Hip! They Understand Fear! That Is Useless!

**Ollie:** when does pennywise kill richie's love interest? I didnt even realize he had one

**Ollie:** also that also kinda sounds like a web and stranger combo? why are all clown movies that

**Nikki:** It's Edward, You Dumb Fool! I Thought You Were Gay? How Do You Not See It! Also, I Don't Know! That's An Interesting Question! I Guess I Need To Binge More Clown Movies! Anyway! Oliver! You Are In Charge Of Getting The Snacks And Drinks! God Knows Jon Doesn't Have Anything!

**Nikki:** Speaking Of! Jon! Did You Receive The Water I Sent You?

**Jonny:** Yeah, I did. Thank you, Nik.

**Nikki:** Did You Drink It?

**Jonny:** It's like ten gallons of water. I haven't drank all of it yet, no.

**Nikki:** Excuses! I Do Not Believe You!

**Jonny:** Nik, it's been a day.

**Nikki:** Yes, Five Yesterday, And Five Today! It's Not Hard!

**Jonny:** … Nik.

**Nikki:** What, Jonathan A. Sims, Touched By The Entity Known As The Eye, Who Lives In Runestar Apartments, On West Clover Street, Flat Numbered 329? What Could You Possibly Want? Hmm?)))

**Jonny:** God.

**Jonny:** Jesus fuck, I'm so scared of you. Why am I friends with you.

**Nikki:** Because You Love Me! And I Would Take Your Skin If You Weren't! And We're Both In Drama! Imagine Us Acting Together And Not Being Friends? Unbelievable! An Embarrassment!

**Jonny:** … Right.

**Jonny:** I, I guess I'll see you all at my flat?

**Nikki:** I'm Already Here, Fool! Open The Door!

\--

**Ollie:** me, absentmindedly: I wonder what everyones doing today?

**Ollie:** my boyfriend, tired of everyone in this chat, myself included: babe, I love you, but if you drag any of your weird ass friends over here one more time I'll actually lose it. I will die. I think the clown one - nikola? I think she wants to kill me. she broke my table. my table, oliver, what the fuck.

**Nikki:** In My Defense! The Table Would've Killed Him!

**Nikki:** Literally!

**Nikki:** It Would've Taken His Skin And Made New Skin! Acted Like Him But They Would Not Be The Same, Oliver! I Did Your Boyfriend A Favor! The Stranger Was Very Upset With Me Afterwards! He Should Be Grateful! Maybe I _Should_ Take His Skin!! Don't Be Rude, Graham Cracker! I Will Snap You In Half Like Your Tasty Cousin! Fuck!

**Nikki:** I Saved Him! Rude Ass!

**Ollie:** I know!! but I'm not explaining entities to him! I refuse! he can't live in ignorance! fuck I sure wish I did!

**Nikki:** Fair, I Suppose!

**Ollie:** I suppose? who are you, jon?

**Nikki:** Oh Just Because I Can Spell I'm The English Marjor Now? Huh? Is That How It Works?

**Ollie:** yes

**Daisy:** yes

**Jonny:** Absolutely not.

**Nikki:** Thank You, Jon! Like, God Forbid I Use Fun Words! Oh! Oh! I Am A Professional Clown! Am I A Writer Now, You Fucks? You Absolute Buffoons? No! I Am Not! Writing Is Far Too Set In Stone! Too Confirmed! It's Like You Lot Don't Even Know Me! I Have No Friends Here, I Only Continue To Claim Jon!

**Jonny:** I can't tell if that's good or not, Nik! Thank you!

**Nikki:** !

\--

**Jonny:** Do you think, with how often we're around each other, that it counts as being touched by an Entity?

**Nikki:** I Don't Know! That's A Good Question, But God, I Hope Not! Imagine If I Was Touched By The Eye! That's Fucking Horrific! Oh! I'm Nikola! I Have Weird Ass Knowledge Powers! Me? In A Librarian Style? No! No! That's The Worst Thing Possible, I Think!

**Ollie:** I think if I were touched by the stranger I'd just die

**Nikki:** I'm Inclined To Agree! You Cannot Handle Our Vibes, Oliver! I Love You But You Simply Cannot!

**Ollie:** .

**Jonny:** I mean, she's not wrong?

**Ollie:** I will repeat this again,

**Ollie:** I hate it here

**Daisy:** God Ollie you but as an Avatar of the hunt is so funny

**Daisy:** little furry man ha ha

**Ollie:** if you were an avatar of the end youd just be emo

**Daisy:** oh you arent wrong but like I cant imagine you as an avatar of anything but the end

**Daisy:** I can see Jon as hunt end or stranger. Nikola less so but still. But you? You're just the end

**Daisy:** I'm laughing rn and my gf is asking me what gc this is what do I say

**Nikki:** Add Her!!

**Ollie:** actually yeah that's basira right? You've been talking about her for a while add her

**Jonny:** Daisy, don't. She's not an Avatar she won't get half the shit we say.

**Nikki:** Shut Up, Twink! Daisy, Add Her!

**Ollie:** sorry jon you've been outvoted

**Ollie:** daisy mlm and wlw solidarity add her

**Daisy:** ok ig

**Jonny:** This is either gonna end up with Basira breaking up with you, being touched herself, or hating all of us forever.

**Nikki:** This Is Going To Be Great Jon! Let Her Have This! But Also I'm Voting On #3!

**Ollie:** I'm gonna say two

**Daisy:** fuckers

**Daisy** added  **Basira** to the chat!

**Nikki:** Wait No Our Name Theme(((

**Jonny:** Dead, like Oliver now, I suppose.

**Ollie:** I literally cannot explain the rage that fills my body when you text in this chat sims I will kill you

**Basira:** Oh, Daisy, this is the chat?

**Daisy:** Yeah!:)<3

**Nikki:** Oh My God She Sent A Heart

**Nikki:** It's True Love…

**Ollie:** I would joke but I think the only one daisy wont kill is you, nik

**Nikki:** Nope! That's Jonathan! She's Attached To The Sleep Deprived Man For Some Reason! But I Am A Close Second!

**Nikki:** She Would Snap You In Half Like A Twig, Ollie!)

**Jonny:** She isn't wrong.

**Ollie:** :/ I know

**Basira:** What the fuck.

**Daisy:** they're just like that

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan, a gatekeeper: if you aren't touched by an entity you can't join
> 
> Daisy, locking him in a closet: haha:) hes joking babe u can join:)
> 
> Basira: ...
> 
> Basira: what the fuck is an entity?
> 
> Daisy, sweating: haha babe dw about that:)
> 
> whoever first did the thing where Nikola Speaks Like This, All The Time! I love u. amazing. ur top tier. a fucking fantastic person in this thirsty ass fandom.
> 
> Edit: I actually cant remember if Oliver does say that iconic quote BUT its funnier in this canon if he does so:)


	2. Imagine Working At The Magnus Institute! Haha, Loser!

**Nikki:** Hehehehhehhehhehehehhe

**Jonny:** Oh dear god.

**Nikki** changed  **Basira** 's name to  **Basi**

**Nikki:** The Name Game Is Back!

**Basi:** Ah… the… what?

**Jonny:** All of our names end with "e" Nikki, Jonny, Daisy, Ollie, and now, I guess, Basi.

**Basi:** Ah.

**Basi:** You're Jonatthan, right? Daisy's favorite, as she calls you.

**Jonny:** She… what.

**Nikki:** She What! Basira! Could You Repeat That! I Need My Blackmail!

**Basi:** She… calls Jon her favorite?

**Ollie:** basira please get a typing style we already have a grammar correct nerd

**Jonny:** Shut the fuck up, I breathe and you make fun of my major. I'll kill you.

**Ollie:** stupid english eye boy

**Jonny:** I know where you live.

**Ollie:** oh no big scwary jwonathan swims what is he gonna do???hit me??? fucker you cant hold a pipe for more then 20 minutes what makes you think you can hurt me

**Ollie:** god has hurt me more then you ever could or will

**Jonny:** OLIVER. GET THERAPY. PLEASE.

**Nikki:** Oh God, The Twinks Are Getting Into It!

**Basi:** … Daisy what did you add me to.

**Nikki:** Hell!!!!!!

**Daisy:** yeah that checks out

**Daisy:** sorry Basira

**Basi:** It's… okay?

**Basi:** But, point is, Jon, I was actually curious about a few things, mind if I DM you?

**Jonny:** Ah, no?

**Nikki:** Daisy!! Jon Is Going To Steal Your Girl!

**Daisy:** shut up Nik no he isn't

**Daisy:** dumbass is pining for someone that comes by his coffee shop

**Ollie:** hes pining… for a customer…

**Ollie:** is he ok

**Daisy:** we know the answer

**Ollie:** you're right

**Daisy:** "Daisy hes so nice??" "All he gets is tea and like I hate tea but this man GETS me coffee fucking SUCKS" "for halloween he put in these little fanggggggsssss daiiissssyyyy *the verbal equivalent to the 🥺 emoji*"

**Nikki:** Dear Lord! He's In Deep! Why! What's The Man's Name!

**Daisy:** idk

**Nikki:** What!

**Nikki:** Daisy How Do You Not Know!

**Daisy:** Jon doesnt know so I dont

**Nikki:** Jonathan Doesn't.

**Nikki:** He Doesn't?Know?

**Daisy:** that's what I said isnt it

**Ollie:** jjbusbjhhhhhh anyway nikola clown movie of the week

**Nikki:** Ah!!! Sloppy The Psychotic!

**Ollie:** why

**Nikki:** The Name Is Funny

**Ollie:** valid

\--

**Jonny:** I'm working at Starbucks. Having a nice time.

**Jonny:** A peaceful day. Nice.

**Jonny:** Out of fucking nowhere, Nikola pops up.

**Jonny:** "So! Jon!" She says, in her 'this is my blackmail and or bullshit' voice. I wince. "Yes, Nik?" I ask. She grins.

**Jonny:** "Martin, hmm?" I pause. Reconsider my life choices. None of them are good enough for this bullshit.

**Jonny:** I nod. "How'd you get his name?" I ask.

**Jonny:** "Oh!" She says. "You wouldn't believe how easy it was! All I had to do was find him, which, heavens, that was easy! And then I befriended him! I befriended your future boyfriend, Jonathan! He's both mine and The Web's, now! Have fun!" She fucking pops out of existence.

**Jonny:** What did I do to deserve this? What?

**Ollie:** exist

**Jonny:** Shut up, Oliver.

**Basi:** "Your future boyfriend," awe, that's sorta cute.

**Basi:** Also, the web?

**Nikki:** No! The Web!

**Basi:** … Yeah. The web.

**Nikki:** No!

**Daisy:** I mean she is right

**Nikki:** No She Isn't! You Just Don't Care! She Can't Not Care, Daisy! I Won't Allow It!!!!!

**Basi:** Wh,

**Ollie:** The Web

**Ollie:** capital letters

**Ollie:** same with The Hunt, The End, The Stranger, The Spiral, The Eye, The Dark, The Flesh, The Vast, The Lonely, The Buried, The Corruption, The Slaughter, and The Desolation

**Ollie:** I wouldn't really ask questions, just go along with it

**Basi:** … Alright.

**Nikki:** Thank You, Ollie!)) You're So Helpful Sometimes!

**Jonny:** Sometimes.

**Daisy:** on the occasion

**Jonny:** Every three months, on the dot, no exceptions.

**Daisy:** once a year when the moon is full and the moment is right

**Ollie:** I hate it here

**Nikki:** They Aren't Wrong!

**Ollie:** ,

\--

**Ollie:** WAIT.

**Daisy:** oh god all caps

**Ollie:** martin?

**Daisy:** oh fuck right we just slid right past that

**Daisy:** Jon.

**Jonny:** Please.

**Ollie:** so.

**Ollie:** martin.

**Jonny:** Stop it.

**Ollie:** Avatar of The Web huh? Didnt know you were into that

**Jonny:** PLEASE.

**Daisy:** you havent mentioned him in a while…

**Daisy:** wait.

**Jonny:** Daisy, please, I'm begging you, if you wanna do this do it in DMs.

**Daisy:** no

**Daisy:** anyway

**Daisy:** you did mention a date a while back

**Nikki:** A What!

**Jonny:** Goddamnit.

**Nikki:** A Date? Our Jon? On A Date! Why Did Nobody Tell Me About This! This Is A Sin And All Of You Should Be Ashamed! I Am Breaking Into All Of Your Houses And Stealing!!

**Basi:** YOU'RE WHAT.

**Daisy:** she does that its fine 

**Nikki:** Not You, Basira!! You Get A Get Out Free Card Because You Were Added Yesterday. But The Rest Of You? I Almost Am Inclinded To Steal Your Skin! Alas It's All So Terribly Dry! Except For Oliver's! His Is Moist! I Hate That Word But I Must Use It! Fuck!

**Nikki:** I Do Everything For This Household! I Pay Rent! I Do The Clothes Thingy Thing In The Cycle Thingy Thing! I Make Food! I Am The Reason This Family Is Still Running! And What Do All Of You Do? Leave Me Out On This Important Fucking Information! I Hate All Of You! Good Night! Never Speak With Me Again

**Ollie:** nik,,,,

**Nikki:** No! No! I Am Done! I Am Washing My Hands With You Lying Snakes! Double Faced Bitches! I Hate You! I Hate All Of You So Goddamn Much! I Don't Even Claim Jon Anymore! All Of You Are Dead To Me! Dead! I Hope All Of You Suffer Greatly For This Mistake! The Stranger Is No Longer A Friend! Prepare To Fucking Regret Everything You've Ever Done! I'm Finished With You All! I'm Fucking Done! I'm Sick Of Your Bullshit! Done!

**Nikki** left the chat!

**Jonny:** ,

**Basi:** Um.

**Basi:** Is she… okay?

**Daisy:** … probably?

\--

**Jonny** added  **Nikki** to the chat!

**Nikki:** Okay! I'm Fine Now! I Just Needed To Eat!

**Jonny:** She bit me until I made her food.

**Nikki:** I Bit Him Until He Made Me Food!

**Ollie:** what does jon even know how to cook

**Daisy:** he can make a mean cup ramen

**Nikki:** He Really Can!!

**Ollie:** how r you two alive

**Nikki:** I Live Only To Spite God, Oliver! My Existence Is A Tragedy! As For Jon! I Don't! Know! I Don't Know!

**Ollie:** jesus fuck,

**Ollie:** thank god you are coming over here for our monthly hang so I can actually feed you people real food

**Daisy:** didn't we have the monthly hang all ready

**Ollie:** nah that was barge into jons home life so he doesnt die day

**Daisy:** oo

**Basi:** ... I feel like I shouldn't ask but, what all do you lot... do?

**Nikki:** Okay! So!

**Nikki:** We Have A Weekly Movie Night That Depends On Who Can Host, A Monthly Hang Out, A Monthly Check Up On Jonathan Day(Technically There's One For Each Of Us!) A Biweekly Brunch Date, And At The End Of The Month I Drag Everyone To One Of My Shows!

**Basi:** Biweekly as in twice a week or once every two weeks?

**Nikki:** Yes!

**Basi:** ... Cool.

**Nikki:** Speaking Of, Basira! I Require Your Address Because You Are Now Apart Of The Group! And I Need To Drag You To Things!

**Basi:** ... What.

**Nikki:** Can You Not Read! Daisy! Can She Not Read??

**Daisy:** yes she can read Nik hniguhhi Basira is rlly just her occasionally coming over it's nothing crazy

**Nikki:** Except When I Get Upset! Like With Jon! Except I Couldn't Even Raid His Fridge! I'm Still Hung Up On That! What The Fuck!

\--

**Jonny:** I got a job.

**Daisy:** didnt you have one

**Jonny:** I got another job.

**Daisy:** where

**Jonny:** Y'know that building? Big, weird one? On 2nd? Yeah that.

**Daisy:** Jon.

**Daisy:** you got a job at the MAGNUS INSTITUTE?

**Jonny:** Yeah.

**Daisy:** WHY.

**Jonny:** Listen.

**Jonny:** It's kinda funny?

**Jonny:** The boss obviously has something up his sleeve, like, I met him once and I can just tell he's one of Those Avatars. And like, I'm already Avatar of The Eye? Or touched, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, I have weird knowledge powers.

**Jonny:** Also, my position is just organizing shit? Have you met me.

**Ollie:** jon sees something messy goes is anyone gonna organize this and doesnt wait for an answer

**Jonny:** Yeah, exactly.

**Jonny:** Also the employees are fun.:) they seem nice alas,

**Jonny:** I can be nice, be neurotypical, and do my job right pick TWO

**Daisy:** oh god ar u like when we firsst met

**Daisy:** "I'm a business man, Tonner." "Please don't ask me questions." "I have no emotions"

**Jonny:** Listen.

**Daisy:** Jon no you whore we moved past this you had your arc

**Basi:** … Can someone please, please tell me what the fuck an Avatar is?

**Nikki:** Nope! Also! Jon!! Congratulations!

**Jonny** : Thank you, Nikola. :) at least someone cares about me.

**Daisy:** Jon of course I care about you that's why I cant rlly let u go backwards

**Jonny:** I know! I know, Daisy. But, they're literally just fellow employees. I'm not gonna get attached or anything. Besides this is basically just an internship.

**Daisy:** ,,fine

**Ollie:** wait jon can you not get me my coffee anymore

**Jonny:** Nah I'm still working at Starbucks. Just part time at both.

**Ollie:** thank god

\--

**Jonny:** Update, Starbucks let me go.

**Ollie:** FUCK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I couldn't fit this in but
> 
> •the date jon had was NOT with martin the man is just touchstarved and wanted a free meal
> 
> •web martin web martin
> 
> •I realize all of them are very ooc I'm working on it but also?my gc fic I can do what I want (but I will be working on ollie I dont like what I did with his character tbh)
> 
> •yes jon is still in college. yes he got an internship at MAG. how? well. idk. maybe elias saw him and was like oh this boy can fit so much trauma in it but jokes on you elias angst doesnt exist here. probably.


	3. martin craves arson, archivist. let him do arson, archivist.

**MB:** Tim. Tim I'm going to end it all Tim pleasee

**TS:** huh

**MB:** THE NEW GUY. JON.

**TS:** yeahh?

**MB:** THAT'S STARBUCKS JON

**TS:** oh?

**TS:** OH

**TS:** KANSKQNWOWNWIENE GODDD

**TS:** f in chat marto HAHAHAJWNSJWJE

**MB:** I hate it here.

**SJ:** Martin noooooooo

**AC:** HAAAJQJQIWJWIWH MARTINNNN

**MB:** Shut the fuck UP I WILL LIGHT THIS BITCH UP DONT TEST ME

**SJ:** Martin seriously HIM?? HES STARBUCKS JON???

**SJ:** please….. that man is a twink… you could do so much better…

**TS:** yeah martin…

**MB:** Stop Inviting Me To Your Bastard Polycule

**TS:** WE COULD TREAT YOU RIGHT MARTIN

**SJ:** cmon martin

**MB:** I love you both but not that way… my heart… belongs to another…

**TS:** WHO!

**MB:** starbucks jon….

**SJ:** FUCK!

**TS:** So what I'm hearing here is if we take out the twink we get you??????

**SJ:** *eye emoji* *eye emoji* *eye emoji*

**MB:** no.

**SJ:** heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻‍♂️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 i think it’s best 👍🏻 I put my heart ❤️ on ice 

**MB:** tiktok yourself to death James

**SJ:** HEY

**SJ:** I'm your BOSS

**SJ:** WATCH YA MOUTH

**TS:** yeah martin smh dont be RUDE

**MB:** YOU ARENT THOUGH???

**SJ:** and neither of you are competent enough sooooooooo✌✌😌

**TS:** Archivist Sasha James

**SJ:** Sashivist

**TS:** SASHIVISTTTTTTTTTT

**MB:** I cannot stand the vibes here any longer I hate this

\--

**AC:** animal crossing doesnt have any spider villagers does this count as homophobia

**MK:** yah

**MB:** annabelle where is my venus flytrap

**AC:** I ate it

**MB:** you.

**MB:** I'm sorry you what.

**AC:** it was eating my flies martin my flies for my spiders I had to show dominance

**MB:** you could've MOVED IT??? 

**MB:** IS THIS WHY YOUR TARANTULA GAVE ME 15 EUROS

**AC:** yahh now say thank u Annabelle

**MB:** Thank you, Annabelle.

**MB:** FUCK OFF ANNABELLE

\--

**MK:** I think Starbucks Jon is an avatar and I DONT know how to handle that

**MB:** what,

**MK:** ok so

**MK:** no one comes with the eye aesthetic BUILT IN. NOBODY!

**MB:** elias

**MK:** elias is the exception NOT the rule and is also a coward and should not be counted he was probably born with eye tats

**AC:** Probably!!!

**MK:** Anyway starbucks Jon has the eye look

**MK:** has??weirdly specific knowledge on Certain Files??? You KNOW the files I'm talking ab

**MK:** Avatar shit

**MK:** I go does anyone have any Slaughter files? And he goes yea here you go and grabs like ten files at seemingly random but all of them? Slaughter related.

**MB:** he did organize them you know

**MK:** MARTIN the man is EYE TOUCHED STOP BEING HORNY TAKE OF THE RED COLORED GLASSES THIS MAN IS. THE. EYE.

**SJ:** oh same hat!

**MB:** I thought you were spiral touched ?

**SJ:** no eye I just vibe with the spiral:) me and their avatars r friends:) michael is cool just a bit out there

**MB:** god arent we all

\--

  
  


**MB:** I saw the clown again *eye emoji* *eye emoji*

**TS:** hey what

**TS:** CLOWN??????

**SJ:** AGAIN?

**MB:** yeah the clown girl who told me she wanted to Be Friends, Martin - Can I Call You Martin? Martin!)

**AC:** !!!!!! NIKOLA??? MY GIRL? NIK??????

**MB:** wh

**MB:** she did say her name was nikola??

**AC:** THATS MY BITCH MARTIN THATS MY GIRLLLLLL

**AC:** god I miss that bitch I gotta hit her up,,

**MB:** .

**MB:** not gonna ask how you know the random ass clown

**AC:** ok coward

**SJ:** HEY???? HEY????

**TS:** CLOWN?????????????????????

\--

**SJ:** martin why is ur bf like That

**SJ:** me: oh jon!! :) that's a nice sweater!

**SJ:** jon, who seemed startled somehow: oh I uh um well ya see uh urm well ah uh my f f f friend. My friend made it. I'll tell her you liked it:)

**MB:** HES NOT MY BOYFRIEND

**TS:** the jonmartin fanblog I made says differently sir

**TS:** anyway sash steal the sweater

**SJ:** Wh

**SJ:** Tim NO I'm trying to befriend him:// hes like a cat u gotta go slowwwwww

**TS:** that's what she said

**SJ:** that's what she said

**SJ:** DRIFT BABE

**TS:** HELL YEAH

**MB:** monsters. Both of you.

**TS:** ok spider boy

**MB:** ok fire man

**MB:** god tim why am I the arsonist here? you were touched by the desolation

**TS:** and I said fuck dat!

**MB:** sokka lookin ass…

**TS:** OH YOU MEAN IM BI AND GET BITCHES??? WOW MARTIN HOW R U RIGHT ON THE NAIL WOWWW

**MB:** I hate this

**TS:** now martin listen if you were in our polycule…. I'm not saying the bullying would stop but, ,,,,,,,,

**MB:** you literally JUST said you ""shipped"" me with jon

**TS:** and? he can join 2 tf

**SJ:** yeah martin damn

\--

**MK:** I kiss. Girlfriend. She go hehe. I cry.

**SJ:** fuck I feel that. girls are so good💔💔💔

**MK:** THEY ARE

**MK:** god I that was on my old snap I'm missing my👁👁 ex

**SJ:** melanie no

**MK:** I KNOW, I, knowwww….

**MB:** tomorrow I'm gonna stick a paper on u that says "wants a girlfriend"

**MK:** I will kill you

**MB:** not in a way that matters!!

**MK:** H.

**MK:** HUH????

**MB:** I am eternal, melanie. god cannot kill me and neither can you

**AC:** pPREACCH!!!!

**MK:** oh it's some web shit

**MK:** I hate it, thank you:)

**MB:** no problem!!

\--

**SJ:** can we start an elias hatepage

**SJ:** I'm the president

**SJ:** hes so fucking annoying

**SJ:** ohhh I'm eliass im fuckinh sexist

**SJ:** stupid bastard shut up we get it you hate women

**TS:** go off sash I hate one man

**TS:** "I just don't feel like a female archivist can really do much," shut UPPPPP

**SJ:** you could see the hatred in gertrudes eyes

**SJ:** she wants him dead

**MB:** ok can we calm down

**TS:** so do I!

**MB:** OK CAN WE PLEASE CALM DOWN

**MB:** elias is an annoying boss but let's not talk about killing him

**MK:** no let's

**MB:** MELANIE YOU SLAUGHTER CLAIMED BITCH SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPP

**MK:** BITE ME

**MB:** ILL TEAR OUT YOUR THROAT

**MK:** NOT IF I SLIT YOURS FIRST

**TS:** ok kids? Can we.

**SJ:** can we please lighten up please,

**MK:** >:( stupid webbed fuck

**AC:** I'll pretend I didnt hear that can we please apologize to each other???

**MB:** I'm sorry, Melanie.

**MK:** I'm sorry, Martin.

**MK:** ANNABELLE FUCK OFFFFF

**MB:** STOP IT

**AC:** the switch is always so funny yall good?

\--

**MK:** me, content: :)

**MK:** starbucks jon: uh… melanie, right?

**MK:** me: … yeah.

**MK:** starbucks jon: god this is so weird um - martin mentioned you were looking for a gf? A friend of mine is single and I think youd guys would get along great, urm,

**MK:** me: 👁👁

**MK:** ANYWAY I'm on a date with said girl

**SJ:** KANSOWNWOWNWOWJEIEJEH is it good???????

**MK:** okay so yknow that podcast we listen to on break

**TS:** what the ghost?

**MK:** yeah that's the girl

**SJ:** MELANIE. WHAT.

**TS:** YOU'RE ON A DATE WITJ GEORGINA GODDAMN BARKER?

**MK:** yeah

**MB:** oh my god I read that and literally dropped my mug

**MB:** IT BROKE NOOOOOO

**MB:** I mean get that strap melanie but FUCK

**SJ:** GET THAT STRAPAPAKSJWJWJHWVDBSNS

**MK:** will do sir! Perhaps I can stand starbucks Jon hmm

**AC:** I'm watching the date:) yall having fun?

**AC:** ohh georgie just giggled at your joke…. A PUN…. true love? say aye

**MB:** Aye.

**MK:** Aye.

**SJ:** Aye.

**TS:** Aye.

**TS:** yknow this time I'm not mad at it

**MK:** CANE ILL SNAP YOU IN HALF LIKE A FALLEN AUTUMN LEAF

**AC:** ok boomer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow? new characters??? wild I know I know🥴 the main gang will be back next time but I need to play around with everyone else ok!! anyway melanie? LIVING her self-insert middle school ff DREAMS!!!!!!!!! yes I had to include wtgfs. I'm a LESBIAN. I love them. also say it with me here web martin and eye sash web martin and eye sash
> 
> also also also. tim is touched by like. every entity but he said no thank u!!I'm good!!!!! king if I do say so myself😌(I do)


	4. Did You? Did You Call Your Boss A Weirdo? Oh My God

**Jonny:** Oh! Oh dear god, no. No! No no no no no noooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Daisy:** … Jon u ok?

**Jonny:** AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!

**Nikki:** Jesus Christ, Jonathan! What Happened? Did You Finally Snap?

**Jonny:** So new job right haha fun times

**Basi:** … Yeah?

**Jonny:** My boss looks at me, goes, "Hey, Jon, come out with me to go grab a drink?" This man is the CEO. He owns the fucking place. Now, I haven't liked him at all since I stepped foot in here. But, the pays decent, y'know? But my fucking brain doesn't say "Oh, no thank you, I'm busy!" Or "No, I'm alright, thank you." No I fucking.

**Jonny:** I SAY

**Jonny:** I fucking said "No I don't drink with weirdos, sorry." AND THEN PANICKED WALKED OUT.

**Jonny:** MY FELLOW EMPLOYEES ALL SAW ME DO THAT? I'm quitting. I've had this job a week and I'm quitting. Do you think Starbucks will take me back. Do you.

**Nikki:** JONNNAJAJJWWHWWYYWHEHE2UU2HHE

**Nikki:** I NEVER KEYSMASH! BUT I'M LOSING IT! JONATHAN. 

**Ollie:** I don't drink with weirdos oh my god...

**Daisy:** Jon I love you so much I'm crying

**Basi:** She is.

**Jonny:** IM CRYING!!!

**Ollie:** let's hope starbucks takes u back ig!!!!!

**Jonny:** bye guys I'm gonna go jump off a bridge

**Daisy:** ok drama queen calm down itll b okay

**Daisy:** u said ur coworkers were memers? they'll probably love this

**Daisy:** ur boss hopefully wont fire u

**Daisy:** itll b ok!

**Jonny:** daisy I love you but I called mr ceo a WEIRDO

**Jonny:** AND WALKED OUT

**Nikki:** At Least You Didn't Call Him A Freak???

**Jonny:** IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFERENT

**Nikki:** To Him Probably?? Hopefully?? I've Called My Boss Worse Jon!

**Nikki:** I Once Called Him A Creep With No Reason To Still Be Here! Because He Was Looking At The Younger Girls! And Then I Took His Skin! I Didn't Use It, Though! It Was Infected! By Him!

**Nikki:** We Got A New Boss Later! Should I Skin Elias, Jon?

**Ollie:** bet no balls

**Basi:** I'm sorry, Nikola, you what? You fucking what.

**Basi:** Are you telling me you skinned a man.

**Nikki:** For Good Reason!

**Basi:** Well, yes, I see that. But ?????

**Ollie:** can we please tell her

**Daisy:** no

**Ollie:** goddamnit

**Jonny:** I'm currently vibing in an empty coffee shop thats???still open why it's like 8pm anhway point is life is useless as are jobs

**Daisy:** ok well at least u can stop acting like an asshole 2 them

**Daisy:** called ur boss a weirdo cant go lower then that Jon

**Jonny:** I hate that you're right

\--

**Ollie:** a concept, nikola saying her name but like that one youtuber couple so it's like

**Ollie:** nnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiii-KK-ola!

**Daisy:** absolutely not

**Jonny:** No.

**Basi:** No.

**Nikki:** Yes! This Hits, Oliver! This Fucking Slaps! Your Mind! Oh My God!

**Ollie:** another concept

**Jonny:** No!!

**Ollie:** jon but nikolas birthday from four years ago is his everyday outfit

**Jonny:** NO!!!!!!

**Basi:** The what now.

**Jonny:** NO

**Daisy:** hahaha

**Daisy:** Jon but in a catgirl outfit

**Jonny:** NOOOOO

**Nikki:** Another Fantastic Concept Oliver!! You're On A Roll Tonight!

**Ollie:** daisy but with gun

**Daisy:** is that insinuating I'm a cop? Fuck you I'd never be a cop

**Nikki:** Oliver No!!!!! You Were Doing So Well!

**Ollie:** no like

**Ollie:** illegal gun

**Daisy:** ….

**Daisy:** thin ice but ok

**Nikki:** Agreed

**Jonny:** I for one, hated all of it.

**Nikki:** Of Course You Did! All You Like Is Energy Drinks And Books! What A Nerd You Are, Jonathan! I'm Ashamed!

**Jonny:** You say that but who is always on time for the dnd sessions? Huh?

**Nikki:** You're A Nerd, You Just Happen To Be Able To Tell A Story.

\--

**Jonny:** My ex just hit me up and I am losing it.

**Nikki:** ???

**Jonny:** Okay so, I've known this girl since like middle school, right. And the whole reason we became friends is fucked up but I'll slide past that, and we dated for a second in high school for the last two years, kinds left on rocky terms but, she just texted me and said nothing but "Come get your son he's being loud, Jonathan." And I'm in tears.

**Nikki:** You Have A Kid? A Child? What?

**Ollie:** did u even pay child support:(

**Daisy:** probably not what the fuck Jon

**Jonny:** Okay for one, it's a cat.

**Jonny:** Two. It's a fucking cat. And yes, actually, I send her money for his food every week. :( We just don't talk often.

**Basi:** You have a cat? Send pictures, immediately.

**Jonny:** cattax.png

**Jonny:** His name is The Admiral. :)

**Basi:** Oh my god. He's so cute. A little man.

**Nikki:** The Bowtie………. His Vibes….

**Jonny:** I miss him. :(

**Nikki:** I'm Stealing Him

**Jonny:** Nikola, no.

**Nikki:** Nikola Yes

\--

**Jonny** added  **Georgie** to the chat!

**Ollie:** jon why

**Georgie:** Oh, this is the Avatar chat? Hello!!

**Ollie:** you told her???what the fuck

**Georgie:** No? I'm just also touched.

**Ollie:** WHAT.

**Georgie:** I was touched by The End?

**Ollie:** OH COME ON

**Nikki:** Ha!

**Nikki:** Can We Kick Oliver Out Now? We Have A Better Avatar Now!!

**Ollie:** rude???rude.

**Nikki:** Oh Cry About It To Your Boyfriend Bastard

**Ollie:** maybe I will clown

**Nikki:** Oh! Oh Boo Hoo! My Feelings! Broken! Ruined!

**Nikki:** I'm Kidding, Whore. Nothing You Say Affects Me.

**Georgie:** lollll

**Georgie:** anyway Jon Come Get Your Fuckinh Kid hes so loud also my gf is allergic

**Jonny:** Wait,

**Jonny:** Are you saying I'm keeping him?

**Georgie:** sadly yeah

**Jonny:** Oh my god. Fuck yeah. Finally.

**Georgie:** rude ass>:(

**Jonny:** NOW YOU GOTTA PAY ME CHILD SUPPORT!!!!

**Georgie:** I PROBABLY MAKE MORE THEN YOU DO LMAOOOOOOOOO STARBUCKS LOOKIN ASS

**Jonny:** STARBUCKS LET ME GO ACTUALLY

**Georgie:** THEY FIRED YOUR ASS??????

**Georgie:** good for them….

**Jonny:** Die.

**Georgie:** I can't! We've been over this!

\--

**Georgie:** Me, age 17, panicked: jon okay something happened dont freak out

**Georgie:** Jon, also 17, about to literally set himself on fire: unfortunate://///

**Jonny:** GEORGINA VALERIE BARKER WHAT THE FUCK.

**Georgie:** hehe funnee

\--

**Basi:** SO YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU PEOPLE ARE FEAR ENTITIES?

**Nikki:** Well! Twas Nice While It Lasted I Guess!

**Daisy:** fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually dont rlly like this chapter!!! but I wanted to get it out so. here. avatar georgie enters the chat. jon makes a fool of his boss. I'm gonna be adding my favorite characters in the next few chapters I think. it's great. also god I could give context for so much in here but I refuse


	5. mom and dad are fighting oh god oh fuck

* * *

**MK:** HE DIDN'T.

**MK:** STARBUCKS JON DID NOT JUST

**MK:** OH MY GOD?

**SJ:** IM FUCKING LOSING ITTTTT NO ELIAS YOU WEIRDOOOOSBSHWHEGRYEHWHE

**TS:** LISTEN…. KING SHIT…….

**TS:** he just ran out oh my GOD??? Is he ok

**MK:** absolutely not what an icon

**MK:** fuck the Die Hard shrine we have in the basement let's make it starbucks jon

**TS:** you joke but I have access to the printer

**SJ:** I have photos

**MB:** WHY??????

**SJ:** dw about that

**MB:** SASHA,

\--

  
  


**SJ:** please let it be my turn on the braincell todayhhhshhshshhhhnsnhhbsnsnnsnn

**TS:** sash you are SICK shush and eat your soup

**SJ:** tim

**SJ:** babe

**SJ:** I love you and I'd literally die for you,

**SJ:** but you couldn't fucking force me to eat your cooking. ever.

**SJ:** I literally dont know how to explain this to you

**SJ:** if I was in the zombie apocalypse and I had to eat your food to survive

**SJ:** I'd starve

**SJ:** I'd rather be torn apart piece by piece then to ever eat what you call "food" again

**SJ:** you've burned water before, tim

**SJ:** I dont know how

**SJ:** but you literally. Burnt water.

**SJ:** I didnt think that was actually fucking possible

**SJ:** YOU ALSO SET A BOWL OF CEREAL ON FIRE AND I STILL HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW

**SJ:** QUITE FRANKLY IM TERRIFIED OF WHENEVER YOU WALK INTO THE KITCHEN THATLL BE THE DAY I DIE

**TS:** JESUS

**MK:** IMK FUCKONHAHAKQOQJQKQJ CRYRHIING SASHA

**MB:** YOU'RE RIGHT BUT YOU DIDNT GAVW TO SAYY IT FUCKDKS

**TS:** MARTIN YOUVE SAID THAT YOU LOVED MY COOKING

**MB:** well I'm afraid,,, , , ,

**MB:** that I,

**MB:** well

**MB:** I'm afraid that I may have faked it

**SJ:** its 2019 if you're emo in my fucking house I'll kill you blackwood

**TS:** I'm offended but ur still valid bc u used panic

**SJ:** you emo sack of shit

\--

**SJ:** ok question

**AC:** yehs

**MK:** yah

**MB:** ?

**SJ:** do you ever like. See something that completely changes your life and you just go… huh?

**TS:** I saw you

**SJ:** okay that's so cute and sweet and I love you so much but that really ruins the vibe because I was gonna send a picture of elias but as bread

**MK:** THAT CHANGED YOU LIFE?? GOD THE COMPLIMENTS

**SJ:** MEL ITS SO GOOD.

**MB:** OH THATAJWHEIWHEJWJ

**MB:** "dont cook me no I'm a person!!!" "nooo!!!!!" The emotion… the style…. Impeccable

**MK:** tyty 

**TS:** oh that yeah valid

\--

**AC:** spider fact! they love you

**MB:** oh thank god<3…

**TS:** I respect them

**AC:** spider fact! they don't love you tim

**TS:** OUCH

**SJ:** IANSIWBWIWJEIWBWIWNW FUCKCK

\--

**MB:** moths. tasty.

**SJ:** hey what?

**MB:** FUCK WRONG CHAT

**SJ:** HEY WHAT?

**TS:** WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN THE RIGHT CHAT???

**AC:** let the man SPEAK

**MB:** M

**MB:** moths are a delightful snack.

**AC:** ok u ever put spice on them??? them shits HITTT

**MB:** nonono. blended. smoothie.

**AC:** FUCK,, you're so right I've been blind to the possibilites

**MK:** WHAT. THE FUCK.

**TS:** blocked blocked blocked get out of my house get out get get get SHOO SHOO GET OUT!!!!! GET THE FUCK OUT SASHA FIRE MARTIN

**SJ:** martin leave. pack up ur shit. GET!

**MB:** KIANSIWNWJWBEIWHEJSBSJWIWKSNSHEHHEH

**MB:** annabelle ok listen. moths but. In those lollipops or gummies

**AC:** MARTIN YOUR MIND

**SJ:** TURN IT OFF BLOCKED GET OUT SHOO FUCKING

**SJ:** STOP THIS MADNESS…

**TS:** PLEASEEEE

**MK:** I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here

**MB:** IAJSIWJSJWSN 

**AC:** martin. U ever put a lil dash of milk on em?? That. THAT. that's good.

**MB:** YEAHHH LIKE MILK AND COOKIES?????

**SJ** muted  **MB** and  **AC**

**SJ:** self care

**TS:** Sash ily.

**MK:** thank god I'm so glad you're the only one with admin powers

\--

**SJ:** martin: ubuvjvgb hnhvjbh

**SJ:** tim: hello my lovely sunshine boyfriend who I love very mu-

**SJ:** martin: did you eat my banana and blueberry yogurt.

**SJ:** tim: y. yes.

**SJ:** martin, rage in his eyes: Fucker.

**MB:** I am currently burning tims clothing as we speak

**TS:** HEY WHAT.

**SJ:** AINSIWBWIWNWIWB

**TS:** MARTIN PLEASE ILL BUY MORE

**MB:** I've been betrayed, I cant believe this, I hate it here,

**TS:** M A R TIN,, , , , , ,

**MK:** hell yeah martin kill his ass

**TS:** MARTIN PLS I DONT WANNA WEAR SASHAS CLOTHES TO WORK

**SJ:** martin do it make him wear my sailor moon tee

**TS:** okay but I'd wear that unironically

**TS:** I love my queen</3

**SJ:** oh now you're cheating on me and martin? hm ok I see how it is

**SJ:** martin grab the useless bird facts books

**MB:** already on it

**TS:** NOOO MY BIRD FACTS IM SORRY NONONONO

**MB:** haha arson fun:)

**TS:** heart 💔 been broke 📉 so many times ⏰ i don’t know 🤔 what to believe 💯 mama 👩❤️💋👩 said 🗣 it’s my fault 😢 it’s my fault 🤦🏻♂️i wear my heart ❤️ on my sleeve 💪 i think it’s best 👍🏻 I put my heart ❤️ on ice 

\--

**TS:** bird fact of the day. they are watching.

**AC:** spider fact of the day! so are we.

**TS:** bird fact: birds eat spiders

**AC:** spider fact: birds are spies.

**TS:** bird fact: spiders are the worst things on earth

**AC:** spider fact! So are you!

**TS:** BIRD FACT! I HATE YOU SO MUCH ANNABELLE!

**AC:** SPIDER FACT! YOURE A FUCKING COWARD!

**MK:** what fun facts:)

**MB:** 10/10:)

**SJ:** FUCKERS! STOP YELLING ITS TIME FOR KARAOKE NIGHT SO WE CAN ANNOY THE FUCK OUTTA ELIAS CMON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. let me start with this. I reused my burnt water rant. it's on my other gc fic (which I'm this close to deleting tbh but it has 600 hits so:/) but it fits timsasha so well... they r icons and the rant is so funny to me I cant explain it.
> 
> 2: yes they have a die hard shrine. yes this is the last time it will be mentioned. no you will not get context. yes jon helped make it.
> 
> 3: jonmartimsasha jonmartimsasha jonmartimsasha jonmartimsasha
> 
> 4: I wish the elias bread pic was real you dont understand
> 
> 5: tim loves bird facts and I? Will die on this hill.


	6. what the FUCK. STOP MAKING MINION MOVIES!!! STOP IT!!!

**Jonny:** Basira, listen it's…

**Jonny:** Well, no it's literally exactly what it looks like but,

**Basi:** You're all. Demons. Holy shit.

**Ollie:** well. no. avatars.

**Basi:** DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT THE DETAILS RN OLIVER? DOES IT?

**Ollie:** aight fair

**Basi:** so you fucks. Work for fear gods! You work for fear GODS. ?

**Jonny:** Work for… is a stretch?

**Georgie:** It's more like getting claimed? Me and Jon didn't choose it, but we didn't back away from it, if that makes sense? I rarely feed The End, other then watching true crime or horror movie shit.

**Jonny:** I barely feed The Eye, I don't get why it likes me.

**Nikki:** It's Like Daisy! 

**Daisy:** elaborate. immediately.

**Nikki:** Got Attached To The Twink Now Won't Let Him Go!

**Daisy:** oh. fair.

**Jonny:** DAISY

**Daisy:** what. shes not wrong.

**Basi:** holy shit

**Basi:** I feel like im gonna vomit

**Basi:** fuck.

**Basi:** daisy please dont text me I'll text you when I'm up to handle. Whatever the fuck I just learned.

**Daisy:** .. ok:(?

\--

**Ollie:** oh. my sink water just turned black. cool

**Ollie:** graham: oliver what the fuck is in your cup

**Ollie:** me: :) tap water

**Ollie:** graham: .... please poor that down the drain I have bottled water

**Nikki:** Oh!! Guess The End Really Did Claim You!

**Ollie:** nikola I KNOW it claimed me it's called I see people die in my dreams

**Nikki:** .

**Nikki:** That Was Uncalled For, Ollie((

**Jonny:** Two quarters into the made nik sad jar oliver

**Ollie:** FUCK

\--

**Georgie:** "Hey babe, what's up? Been a while, ik, but I'm in the area and was wondering if you wanted to hang??;))<33" JON

**Jonny:** "Hey sweetheart, what's up? It's been a while, I know. But I'm in town, and was wondering if you wanna hang??;)<33" GEORGIE

**Georgie:** OH MY GOD.

**Jonny:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

**Georgie:** IS THIS MAN FR TRYING TO PLAY BOTH OF US, ,,,,, AGAIN???? AGAIN?????????? SIR.......

**Jonny:** Us, in hs: fuck you william!!!you played us at the same fucking time??? What the fuck go to hell!!

**Jonny:** William, now: I kno I fucked up..😔 was jus going thru some shit...

**Georgie:** HAHAHAJWKANSIW

**Georgie:** no you dumbass he SAID

**Georgie:** A FELLA GOIN THRU A LOT RN!! Cmon we cant b rude hes going THROUGH it jonathan... didnt you hear that his second cousin twice removed that he never met nor talked to died... its hitting him hard man...

**Jonny:** oh my god you're right😟😟😳 I hope he'll forgive us....

**Nikki:** Now, What The Fuck? What The Fuck Guys. What The Fuck?

**Jonny:** Our ex hit both of us up.

**Ollie:** plural??? PLURAL.???????

**Jonny:** Okay, one, poly rights, Oliver.

**Ollie:** NO I KNOW I KNOW I JUST. it doesn't seem like yall were all dating at the same time so uhh PLURAL?

**Jonny:** Oh, we weren't!

**Georgie:** twas great truly

**Georgie:** just. Imagine this guy asking you out. You're like... ok. Bet. It goes great. He doesnt bring you up around friends (especially when this one dude is around?oh well) but he treats u rlly nicely:) so you hang out with him but one day like almost a year into the relationship he leaves his phone on the couch while he goes to pick up food and ur not the type to snoop BUT you rlly wanted to send his best friend a stupid photo of him, so you click onto snap right and you see him get a new notif. and at first ur like oh whatever until you read the name??

**Nikki:** Oh My God No This Isnt. No.

**Ollie:** holy shit?

**Georgie:** shut up the story isnt over yet anyway

**Georgie:** the name says "Jon💖💞💖bf" and ur like... urm... huh? so you click on it and.

**Georgie:** all of the saved messages are like "hey babe you coming over?" "The date was really fun" "I love u;))" and ur like uh. UH.

**Nikki:** Holy Shit?

**Georgie:** so you text jon and you suddenly realize. Thats. That's the dude that William NEVER called you his girlfriend around. Oh my god. Holy shit. So you're like "hey???are you wills boyfriend??" And jon sends back a "yeah?are you not will?" And you're like. Shit. Fuck. Goddamnit. How do you react to this? How? So you send back "... I'm his girlfriend. Georgie." And then you both start fucking losing it

**Jonny:** Long story short, he played both of us, for almost a year, at the same fucking time.

**Georgie:** that's how we became friends:) also the day after this is when the "jon something happened dont freak up" "*about to light himself up* unfortunate:/" thing happened:)

**Nikki:** Oh My God? You Two Are Like The Classic "We Became Best Friends Because We Were Both Being Fucked With" Story? I? I Cannot Comprehend This! I Need A Nap!

**Ollie:** how the fuck yall freak out NIKOLA.

**Daisy:** what the fuckkkkkk

**Georgie:** and then after like a year (all that happened in sophomore year) we started dating and then broke up like right before graduating

**Georgie:** it was actually pretty mutual? We just worked better as friends

**Jonny:** yeah it was kinda like ily but oh fuck! oh goddamn! not like that whoops

**Ollie:** ... it ended mutually but you guys haven't talked this much in years???

**Jonny:** oh that

**Georgie:** that was over who was gonna keep The Admiral

**Nikki:** Are You. Are You Serious?

**Georgie:** yeah?? We dont joke ab TA

**Jonny:** I would've killed myself three years ago when I was at my lowest if I didn't have TA. But that's a story for another day tbh

**Nikki:** NO???

**Ollie:** jonathan WHAT

**Georgie:** oh shit that yeah. Dark times glad ur better w'hore

**Jonny:** Georgie I don't know how to explain to you I'm literally asexual

**Georgie:** and?

**Jonny:** .

**Georgie:** what I thought next

\--

**Georgie:** yall ever see someone and think "ooh. yep. yah. I'm gonna raw them into the dirt one day"?:]

**Jonny:** Okay. One. No.

**Georgie:** jon ur ace ur opinion does not count here

**Jonny:** Two. Is this why Melanie had a fucking limp today.

**Georgie:** ,

**Georgie:** no comment

**Jonny:** why do bad things (this) happen to vaguely decent people (me)

\--

**Daisy:** I hate minions

**Daisy:** stupid little yellow pill fucks

**Daisy:** ohoho I'm a bastard ohoho if i were real i would've helped hitler 👁👁 SICK of them! SICK!

**Jonny:** Daisy, you good?

**Daisy:** absolutely not I'm at my limit

**Daisy:** minions are a disgrace to humanity itself. what language do they speak? what are their customs? life span? we do not know. nobody cares. to be a minion is to laugh in the face of the world itself. we know next to nothing about them, yet we know to much. we know that they are round, yellow, gibberish speaking, occasional cyclops short haired fat little twats. we want nothing to do with them. we want to learn nothing about them, we know too much already, and yet there is always. another. movie. theres even a movie just for them, loaded with minion lore. why? why do they think we want this? every time a new god damn movie comes out a piece of my soul breaks off and flies up to the heavens. where is it going? what more do we not know about minions? I do not want to know. what I want is my soul back. my life back. my humanity back. our world back. yet that is not possible, as everyday we are reminded of the futile existence of those fucking fat talking tic tacs. they love bananas? fuck that. fuck you and your bananas, minions. I hope satan himself rises from the fiery pits of hell and drags these shit bags down to the seering asshole of hades where they may suffer eternally in the underworld, away from us. away from the world. fuck you, minions. I want my humanity back. I fucking hate their little yellow pez fucking pill looking ass. I'm so tired. I go into the kids section to find dragons and I just. They are always there. Watching me. Mocking me.

**Nikki:** DAISY,, , , , , , , , 

**Jonny:** Oh my god?

**Daisy:** AS LONG AS MINIONS EXIST THERE IS NO GOD

**Ollie:** the 15th fear, minions

**Georgie:** I wouldn't even be surprised at this point is the thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE A PROBLEM.
> 
> so, I wanna add helen n michael bc I love them right so helen for the Clown Town chat bc her and jon know each other and michael in the Web Gang chat because. sasha has context with him already. BUT. I cant make helen work in CT because what the fuck am I gonna call her? helly? hellie? heely? fuck it at this point I might! but in WG they use initials (MB = martin blackwood, SJ = sasha james, etc etc) and helens would be HR and that's so good. I dont wanna give that up but it wouldnt work. fuck.
> 
> anyway dw basiras fine just having a small lil breakdown. she can have one breakdown. as a treat. shell be back soon. I think. probably.
> 
> also theres a good chance I might add this in anyway but? anyone up for a good ol crackship? a good ol what the fuck is this ship? a good ol this only works in this canon ship? then consider nikolahelen! I. lesbiabs.......lesbiabs.? jsut. Consider.
> 
> also ace jon rights bc hes canonly ace dont take that anyway from him cowards


	7. all I'm saying is, peter lukas kinda fucks guys, like just a little, wait guys no don't kick me from the chat GUYS-

**SJ:** me.png

[a photo of sasha james looking like an absolute fool. a buffoon on main. is she okay? the world will never know. think that one photo of demi lovato that everyone called poot? yeah that energy]

**MB:** sasha what the fuck

**SJ:** this is my twin sister. her name is Not Sasha:)

**TS:** KANSKANSKWNW ooh😳 sash ur twin lookin fineeee... skinny legend

**SJ:** she says thanks its because I havent fed her in a month:)

**SJ:** she lives in the archives tunnels and eats the rats down there but she ate all of them:( so she has to walk for more to show up

**TS:** AKNSJWNSIWJW MY FAVORITE MAG CRYPTID... NOT SASHA

**MB:** does she hang with Jurgen Leitner?

**SJ:** no she hates him

**SJ:** fun fact:) remember the rant about him that was going around?yeah she made it

**TS:** oh my god fr?? QUEEN!

**SJ:** yeah her and him fight for land she hates his ass.. creepy ass books keep making her territory smaller:(

**TS:** ig we gotta go kill an old man for our queen😤

**MK:** bettt let's go I have a gun

**MB:** HUH????

**TS:** oh my god melanie you packing heat??you got a strap??

**MK:** jesus christ I forgot sometimes strap means gun anyway dw about it:) anything for the icon herself Not Sasha

**SJ:** she doesnt have a phone because she lives in the tunnels but I'll let her on mine rn!!!go ahead and ask questions guys:)<3

**SJ:** Hell.o.

TS: omg Not Sasha??? big fan!!!!!! 

**SJ:** .

**TS:** omgg I'm hanging the reply on my wall

**MB:** hey NS!! what's up how are you? What do rats taste like?

**AC:** not as good as moths I'd imagine

**MB:** well duh

**SJ:** Rat. Hav blod. Blod. Good? Question Mart

**MB:** oh ok!!very informative wow:) let's add her to the chat guys sasha buy her a phone

**SJ:** sas.ha Gone.

**SJ:** oN.ly me.

**MK:** ok queen!!we like you better:)

**MB:** fr! Sasha has nothing on you

**TS:** okay if you killed sash can I at least get my sweater back she was wearing it

**SJ:** . No .

**MB:** well tim you heard the lady

**TS:** fuck....

\--

**SJ:** JESUS CHRIST THERE ACTUALLY IS SOMETHING IN THE TUNEELS

**MB:** HUH

**SJ:** WAS FUCKING ARIYJD WIYH YOU GUYS AND THEN I HEARD A LOAD ASS CRUNCH

**TS:** SASHA WHY WEFE YOU ACTUALLY IN THE TUNNELS

**SJ:** AND I TURN AROUND AND THERSS THIS FUCKING FIGURR THATS LIKE 6'11 AT LEAST.???

**SJ:** FUCK YOU IT WAS FOR THE VIBES

**AC:** oh dear god

**SJ:** AND SO I DIP RIGHT? LIKE PEACE YALL AND I FUCKING

**SJ:** "sAaasshHAAA doNt rUUnnn!!!!" And yall fucking KNOWWW I'm like fuck that NOISE I'm out bye byw😌💖💞💖 twas fun fuck this!

**SJ:** and so I'm like nyooming thru the tunnels and I. On god. On fucking GOD. as I'm climbing i feel something on my LEG

**SJ:** MY LEG!!! IM LIKE NOPENOPENOPE NOPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SO I GRAB MY ROCK

**MB:** YOUR WHAT.

**SJ:** MY EMERGENCY ROCK I KEEP IN MY POCKET KEEP UP MARTIN

**MB:** WH

**SJ:** I THROW IT AND THE THINGS LIKE OW>:( S A S H A AND IM LIKE FUCK YOU AND I GET IN THE ARCHIVES

**SJ:** nd I lock the door and here we are:) so what's up with yall

**MB:** I

**MK:** jurgen leitner just wanna say hi damn sash dont b rude

**TS:** SASHA BABE IM SO CONCERNED??? haha but FR ARE YOU GOOD???

**SJ:** vibing what's up with you hottie;)

**TS:** S A S H A

\--

**TS:** sasha: martin hold this for me

**TS:** martin: thats?that's just ur hand?

**TS:** sasha: yea

**AC:** disgusting. relationships.

**MK:** haha ur single haha

**AC:** I will drain you of all the things you need to thrive and then cut your stomach open, put egg sacs in there, stitch it up, and let you rot and suffer and they hatch and crawl out of your skin

**MK:** ,

**MB:** .

**TS:** .

**SJ:** ,,,,

**AC:** :3

**MK:** haha ur single haha

\--

**SJ:** hey guys… I know this is a rlly unpopular opinion… but I think elias is up 2 smthn…

**MK:** elias???no!!! He Would Never!!!

**MB:** okay we are not

**SJ:** spoil sport smh

**MB:** his husband kinda hits tho

**TS:** MARTIN,,, NO,,

**MB:** NO LISTEN I JUST

**MB:** his voice. Nice to listen to ok.

**MB:** big hands make brain go ~serotonin~

**MB:** I'm a peter lukas simp what of it

**MK:** never use that word again THATS NOT WHAT SIMP MEANNNNNSNSSSSS

**MB:** im. A. Peter. Lukas. Simp.

**SJ:** ig we gotta kick u out of the polycule… damn…

**TS:** I'll kick him from the gc😔

**MK:** f in chat guys I'm sorry for your loss

**SJ:** thank you💔💔💔

\--

**SJ** added  **HR** to the chat!

**SJ:** hey everybody this is michael

**HR:** hell.ooo

**TS:** why he type like NS

**TS:** sasha is this ur twin?

**MB:** his name is michael but his user is HR?

**HR:** hel en change.d the namee and won.t l et me change it backk. Al.so. hello. Archivist

**SJ:** I dont know how many times I have to tell you I am not the archivist but hi michael!!

**MB:** helen???

**SJ:** again spiral shit

**MB:** ohh

**AC:** michael! where the fuck is my 70 euros. 

**HR:** up your. Ass annaabelle. 

**AC:** fucker! you will pay for this

**AC:** literally

**AC:** I want my money

**HR:** die trying to. Get .it

**MK:** great vibes as always guys anyway can we PLEASE talk ab adding starbucks Jon to the chat

**MB:** melanie please hes literally Not an avatar

**SJ:** yeah:/ like as an avatar of the eye myself he doesnr give off the vibes!!

**MK:** HES AN AVATAR GUYS IM NOT INSANE. ISTG.

**TS:** mel it's ok 2 say ur wrong

**MK:** IM NOT

**TS:** mel…

**HR:** w.air?

**HR:** jon. Sims?

**MB:** yeah?

**HR:** oh hes. An. Av.atar

**HR:** I tried to. Kill hi.m on.ce. we d.ont taaalk abou.t it

**TS:** WHAT

**SJ:** MICHAEL UR SHITTING ME?

**HR:** n..nah.! He.elen st opped. Me.:)

**HR:** av.aatare of Thhe E.eye

**MK:** HA! HA!!!!! HA FUCKING HA GUESS WHO WASRIGHT YOU BASTARDS

**MB:** what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo. 2nd daily chapter whats good. :) I'm kin i.d me with martin in this bc I am also in loving peter lukas hours. yeah hes a bastard man but also..? he gives off dad energy. hed give good hugs. ok that's all.


	8. jonathan sims enters the chat who will he kill (god)

**TS** added  **JonathanS** to the chat!

**TS** changed  **JonathanS** 's name to  **JS** !

**JS:** … No.

**JS** changed their name to  **Jonny** !

**Jonny:** Anyway, what? What is this.

**MK:** group chat! mag avatar group chat

**MK:** because:) you're an avatar right?

**Jonny:** … Yes?

**MK:** fucking knew it

**TS:** jon no we have a theme

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS:** Tim. Absolutely not.

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**TS** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **JS** !

**JS** changed their user to  **Jonny** !

**MK:** OKAY STOP

**TS:** FUCKING HELL JONATHAN

**Jonny:** I will never be "JS", fuck you.

**HR:** a aaa sw..ear??? A sW a er??? H..mm???

**Jonny:** Michael. Shut the fuck up.

**HR:** ha a aha…

**Jonny:** Michael, I will tell Helen that you're misusing her phone privileges she gave you.

**HR:** An.d i.ill E.at y ou 

**Jonny:** Bet. I've been through worse.

**SJ:** you??know michael??????

**Jonny:** Yes. Sadly enough, I do.

**HR:** bi.te m e. Ey.e bo y

**Jonny:** You fucking wish. Still into emos, hmm?

**HR:** shut. The fu.ck u .p

**Jonny:** I'm not hearing a "no".

**HR:** i..ill. ttake a pagggeee out. Of olive.rs. book. An.d sssay.

**HR:** I h..ate i.t Here

**Jonny:** Holy shit! Stop being weird? Don't creep on my personal group chat? Only Helen is allowed you know that.

**HR:** bbo.ld o f yyyou tti.oo assumee s.he W as nt the One ttoo tetell me.e th.At

**Jonny:** Michael.

**HR:** ffuc.kcer

\--

**SJ** changed  **Jonny** 's user to  **SJ** !

**SJ:** chaos.

**SJ:** oh, oh yes

**SJ:** I'll dm u brb

**SJ:** so we're keeping this?

**SJ:** duh.

\--

**TS:** SASHA NO

**SJ:** idk what u mean babe:)

**SJ:** hey!!!step off of my man!!!

**SJ:** YOUR man????ha ok sure

**TS:** i 

**MB:** just ask them questions it's not hard

**TS:** thank god we have you martin what would we do without you

**SJ:** lmao die

**SJ:** bruh die? what kinda question

**TS:** hbjbuvknshgv fuck

**TS:** what do we call jon

**SJ:** that's the whole ass joke babe christ

**SJ:** starbucks jon. its. its starbucks jon. timothy you fool

**SJ:** why r u asking the questions I hate it here

**MB:** how do I get my tea

**SJ:** god do u think I'm stupid? green tea (occasionally jasmine) extra milk iced

**SJ:** green tea or jasmine milk n ice

**MB:** fuck

**AC:** aisbwiheie what's happenin gang

**TS:** ANNABELLE MAKE THEM TELL US WHOS WHO

**AC:** oh!

**AC:** no:)

**HR:** g.good. cconteent

**TS:** ANNABELLE WHY

**AC:** because I'm currently hunting down michael for my fucking money tim

**SJ:** she needs her money tim let her do her shit

**SJ:** yeah tim wtf

**AC:** wow:) love my fans 

\--

**MK:** sasha tell elias that I'm going on a date and for him to fuck off

**SJ:** aight

**SJ:** bet

**MK:** ok I tried

**TS:** not hard enough smh

**MK:** fuck u elias' favorite 

**MB:** HUH

**AC:** the words you say!!!!!!i hate them.

**SJ:** mel,,, elaborate? Pwease

**MK:** hottest dude on the team and elias likes seeing him work

**TS:** are you saying that I'm the equivalent to elias' pool boy

**MK:** yes

**TS:** stop.

**MK:** prove me wrong then

**MK:** you could literally kill rosie and hed be like:// oh well!!!<3<3 tim do you want a raise?

**MB:** KANAJWNEJEHDBD god yeah

**MB:** flashbacks to that one time elias hit on u

**TS:** WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT I WANTED TO CRY

\--

**SJ:** party in the tunnels at 4pm sharp dont miss it

**MB:** sasha you got attacked in the tunnels.

**SJ:** hey what the fuck I'm not sasha

**SJ:** nononono they were calling ME sasha

**SJ:** ohhh… anyway martin yeah I got attacked what of it maybe I like to live on the edge

**SJ:** the Not Them finna steal ur skin

**SJ:** good for them I dont deserve it

**SJ:** imagine🤢 imagine having SKIN! cant relate gags

**SJ:** oh disgusting I hate it

\--

  
  


**SJ:** ok sasha cursed idea: both of our gcs… combined

**SJ:** did you say big brain moment? bc big brain moment sash

**TS:** oh my god yall are calling each other sasha now? hey god what did I do to deserve this

**HR:** *god voice* Everything, Timothy!>:^]]]

**HR:** HEL.eN????

**HR:** Hello!!!Imichael go away I'm talking with my friend

**HR:** wh.y d.oo y.oou d.oo th is

**HR:** Because!!!god is dead and I killed him and I!!!wanna!!!talk!!!to!!!jon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>:^[[[[[[[ bitch.

**TS:** fuck no not this shit again

**SJ:** JABWJBWWINEKWNW I.M LOSING ITTTTYTTYTY

**SJ:** Helen!

**HR:** Jon!!!!!:^DDD

**SJ** changed their name to  **Jonny** !

**Jonny:** What's up?

**Jonny:** Also, Sasha, we're doing this again one day.

**SJ:** bruh DUH no doubt

**HR:** nothing much!!!!!!!!!do you know a Basira?

**Jonny:** Yeah?

**HR:** okokok coolio!!I'll be dropping her off at your house in a min!!

**Jonny:** WHAT

**HR:** bye!!!!!!!!add me to the clown town chat btw:^[ pls

**Jonny:** I??

**Jonny:** Sure, but???

**HR:** th.ank g.od s h e le.t me h.avee the cchat b.ack

**Jonny:** oh goddamnit

**Jonny** left the chat!

**SJ:** IANAKQNWKNEIWJWIWJW JONNNNNNN

**MK:** what the absolute fuck just occurred

**TS:** I'm taking a nap

**SJ:** elias?

**TS:** bitch wont fire me I'm the boytoy

**SJ:** u rite u rite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jon finally enters the web gang who will he woo.. all of us 
> 
> michael proceeds in wanting to kill jon. but like lovingly yanno?
> 
> whatever the fuck is in the tunnels jus vibing.
> 
> elias is STILL an asshole! wow.
> 
> I'll say who said which lines next part but like... leave ur guesses....
> 
> also yes I'm saying the Whole Group gonna have a chat soon. it'll b great. I'd kill a man for helen I love writing her (like. seriously writing her but doing the lil :^] is fun 2)


	9. twas a joke you emo fuck

**Basi:** okay. Ive had a week of drinking and a breakdown to comprehend what the fuck I learned

**Ollie:** a

**Ollie:** ...and?

**Basi:** okay.

**Nikki:** Huh!

**Basi:** Okay!

**Ollie:** what does that mean basira pls

**Basi:** Okay!!! You all work for fear gods!!!whatever fuck it!!!!

**Ollie:** … cool.? 

**Jonny** added  **Helen** to the chat!

**Jonny** changed  **Helen** 's name to  **Heely** !

**Jonny:** Oh, hey, Basira. Glad to see you back.:)

**Heely:** hello everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello again Basira!!!

**Basi:** Oh, Helen, hi.

**Jonny:** Helen, quick question,

**Heely:** yah!!!!

**Jonny:** please get michael his own phone

**Heely:** if you pay for it!

**Jonny:** why do you hate me

**Heely:** Because I love you!!and its funny

\--

**Nikki:** Lesbians!! Your Wisdom?

**Heely:** sit under a tree. eat an apple. let the wind blow in your hair

**Basi:** look at the way she smiles, listen to her laugh as the echo bounces around your empty living room, love is stored in the calm peaceful moments of the morning, making food at 2am, cuddling on a weekend morning, watching her eyes light up she beats her high score, sitting in a park, listening to her heartbeat as you fall asleep.

**Daisy:** world cold and mean tiddy warm and soft

**Nikki:** Amazing! Bisexuals, Your Knowledge?

**Georgie:** a god will perish by my hands. I dont know which one. I dont know when. But it will happen.

**Jonny:** It gets better? Eventually it does? It never fucking seems like it but… it happens. If my attempt from years ago had worked I… I wouldn't have met a lot of you, and that's so scary, y'know? Just the idea that if it worked I wouldn't be here right now, the happiest I've been, basically ever. I cried the first time I went on a walk after starting my antidepressants. Because… holy shit, everything felt so much more… real.

**Jonny:** I'm gonna stop but like, life is worth it?

**Nikki:** Thank You!!! MLM, (Aka Oliver I Fucking Guess) Your Warnings?

**Ollie:** nik dont be around glass on may 24th 2021

**Ollie:** uhhhhh jon. the cult. you know the one. that's all.

**Ollie:** daisy stick to baking

**Ollie:** basira, please for the love of god dont research what you're about to research

**Ollie:** helen. do it. you know what I'm referring to.

**Nikki:** Oliver What The Hell And Fuck

**Daisy:** Jonathan CULT?

**Jonny:** Ollie, what the fuck.

**Nikki:** Oliver It Was A Joke!! We Were Kidding!!

**Ollie:** ok and

**Nikki:** I,

**Nikki:** I Mean Fair Response I Guess But Jesus Christ

\--

**Ollie:** oh my fucking god

**Ollie:** imagine ur boyfriend is mad at u. but he goes "I can't wait to see what you have planned for tomorrow after this, oliver."

**Ollie:** ur like. wait a min.

**Georgie:** KANKSNEIWBEYEHSHD

**Ollie:** what the fuck is tomorrow?

**Ollie:** you lose your shit mentally for about 3 hours until he gives up and goes "babe I was JOKING" 

**Georgie:** god I'm so sorry I know the panic

**Georgie:** jon did that to me one year I was like what do you MEAN NEXT WEEK…. FUCK…

**Jonny:** Didn't you like, get a whole ass cake that read I'm sorry.

**Georgie:** YES I DID

\--

**Daisy:** THAT IS.

**Daisy:** THE SADDEST THING IVE EVER HEARD??

**Jonny:** shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

**Daisy:** FUCKING

**Daisy:** CHRIST SIMS ARE YOU OKAY????????

**Daisy:** put me in a chokehold but like lovingly… 

**Jonny:** SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

\--

**Nikki:** Mom, Dad, Let's Get… One Thing Straight!

**Jonny:** I'm not.

**Ollie:** stop stop stop stop

**Georgie:** and I think I'm being pretty crystal… q*eer;)))

**Ollie:** why do bad things happen to good people

**Nikki:** Every Single Person In This Chat Is A Bastard Oliver Never Call Yourself Good Again

**Ollie:** what made you do this.

**Nikki:** I Enjoy Spiting God And Also Causing Emotional And Physical Damage To Everyone In This Chat

**Basi:** You succeeded.

**Nikki:** I Know!:●)

\--

**Jonny:** What the fuck is religion.

**Jonny:** Like, some people just read a book about this dude named God and were like, hell yeah? This guy rocks? What the fuck!

**Jonny:** But then other people are like yeah God is our creator but he had a son named Jesus. And everyone is like God fucked? And the other people are like nope! He impregnated this woman named Mary, except she's still a virgin don't worry guys! Even though Mary canonly fucks? She canonly got rawed? But we still call her Virgin Mary? What? Is that just her forever name now? Like Daisy? What the fuck.

**Jonny:** And don't even get me started on the Greeks and Romans??? Like HUH! They really went all of our Gods are real and are right on top of this mountain. They also fuck. Like so much. All the time. And then the Roman's were like yeah… so all of your Gods? Ours now! They have different names.:) Except Apollo for some reason?

**Jonny:** Norse is even WORSE.

**Jonny:** fuck.

**Jonny:** I'm in hell.

**Nikki:** Some Bitch Ate An Apple And Now We're Serving Fear Gods

**Ollie:** as u do as u do

**Georgie:** whyd this remind me of mr mime fucked my mom

**Jonny:** we dont talk about that

**Georgie:** yes we do twas a cultural reset dumbass

**Georgie:** I miss getting high with u…

**Jonny:** I'm sober, Georgina.

**Georgie:** ur a PUSSY!

**Georgie:** starting a petition bring stoner Jon back

**Jonny:** Absolutely NOT.

**Ollie:** signed

**Daisy:** signed

**Basi:** Signed.

**Nikki:** Signed!!

**Jonny:** I've been betrayed.

**Georgie:** cry ab it pussy boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chap bc its gonna be hell next chapter. absolutely bonkers.:)
> 
> everything oliver says is true.:)))
> 
> basi is back babey
> 
> there is indeed context for the mr mime fucked my mom thing. we dont talk ab it.


	10. can't we just be friends♡☆~~ (absolutely not)

**SashaJaymems** added 10+ people to the chat!

  


**SashaJaymems** changed 10+ names!

  


**SJ:** hewwo.

  


**JS:** Did we not go over this.

  


**SJ:** idk did we.

  


**SJ:** bold of you to assume I retain anything at all ever

  


**NO:** Oh, Worm?

  


**NO:** Oh.

  


**NO:** Oh Absolutely Not

  


**NO:** Why Can't I Change My Name.

  


**MB:** assigned NO at birth

  


**NO:** I Will Wreck You With No Hesitation Or Regret Do Not Play With Me

  


**DT:** gags

  


**DT:** oh ew I hate it

  


**SJ:** oh did I make myself the only admin???whoops lmao get fucked ig

  


**OB:** What.

  


**OB:** What is this.

  


**OB:** Oh, Jesus Christ, what the hell is my user.

  


**NO:** Oliver?? Using Proper Punctuation?? My God I Never Thought I Would See The Day!!

  


**OB:** Hey. :(

  


**JS:** Sasha, let me change my user.

  


**NO:** No!!! If Anyone Should Be Able To Change Their User It Should Be Me!

  


**MD:** Wh.aath I ss t.his

  


**HR:** oo!!!!!!!! A new group chat??:^DD

  


**BH:** This is hell. This is hell.

  


**TS:** BROCKHAMPTON???

  


**BH:** THIS IS HELL.

  


**GB:** god rn I WISH my last name began with an f

  


**JS:** Georgie Fbarker.

  


**GB:** yeah

  


**MK:** BABE!!

  


**GB:** BABE!!!!!

  


**AC:** nik???

  


**NO:** Annabelle??

  


**AC:** yeah!

  


**NO:** Well I'll Be Damned! I Thought The Desolation Killed Your Silk Ass!

  


**AC:** they tried!!what's up hows the unknowing going?:)

  


**TS:** tag ur stranger mentions

  


**TS:** tw unknowing tw unknowing

  


**NO:** Tim??? Timothy Stoker?

  


**TS:** how the fuck.

  


**TS:** yeah.

  


**MB:** DONT SAY YEAH???

  


**SJ:** tim: sasha dont go into the murder tunnels

  


**SJ:** also tim: yeah my name is timothy lee stoker I'm 23 and I live in the apartments down the road from the starbucks a block away from MAG 

  


**TS:** SASHA

  


**SJ:** what we all know that

  


**AC:** yeah lolll 

  


**NO:** Anyway!! Timothy!! I've Heard So Much About You!!!

  


**TS:** from WHO????

  


**OB:** I mean, Jon?

  


**NO:** Nope! Well I Mean, Yes, But Also No!

  


**JS:** Shut up.

  


**NO:** Okay Baby Man!!

  


**NO:** I've Heard About You From Danny!! Daniel! :●)

  


**TS:** WHAT.

  


**SJ:** HUH?

  


**DT:** who made this I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here

  


**GB:** that's olivers line smh

  


**DT:** fine

  


**DT:** WE hate it here

  


**GB:** yeah valid

  


**JS:** Sasha, murder tunnels?? MURDER TUNNELS??

  


**MB:** fuckinh hell

  


**TS:** DANNY?

  


**NO:** Yes!!! He's Such A Lovely Boy! He Mostly Hangs Out With The Newly Married Couple, But I Do Hear From Him Quite Often!!!

  


**TS:** HES ALIVE?

  


**NO:** ... Yes? I Mean, A Little Like Me Now I Guess, But As Alive As Any Of The Avaters

  


**TS:** what the fyck what the fuck what the fuck

  


**HR:** me: oh, gf pancakes, that sounds good!:^]

  


**HR:** michael, loudly: WHAT ARE GIRLFRIEND PANCAKES

  


**HR:** oh this seems to be a bad time. Whoops?

  


**GB:** girlfriend pancakes r pancakes ur gf lovingly makes for u after u spend 8 hours editing three podcast eps

  


**MK:** mwahhhh<3

  


**MB:** get a ROOM

  


**MK:** Fucker.

  


**OB:** Graham is watching the gc and is losing his mind.

  


**NO:** Does This Mean He Finally Approves Of Us? Also, Tim!! Why Do You Seem So Panicked?

  


**OB:** He just said "You know that middle ground when someone asks how you are and you don't give a thumbs up or a thumbs down? Like some sort of hellish middle? Yeah, that."

  


**TS:** I THOUGHT HE WAS FUCKING DEAD

  


**NO:** Finally!! I've Been Waiting For This Goddamn

  


**NO:** What? Why?

  


**HR:** so:^]]] jon how are u

  


**JS:** I'm doing well, Helen. How about you? You seemed to get Michael a phone.

  


**HR:** yeeeaahhh:^] found an old one of mine that works decently gave it to him

  


**MD:** i.rs..s.s...itss... Sn.maller

  


**HR:** it's fine stop complaining>:^[

  


**HR:** anyway I've been good!!!!!!!!

  


**JS:** That's lovely to hear. :)

  


**TS:** BECAUSE I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM IN FOUR GODDAMN YEARS?

  


**NO:** Well That's No Good!! I'll Tell Him To Hit You Up!

  


**DT:** too much is going on I'm having a stroke

  


**JS:** Mood.

  


**AC:** anyway jon how r u… what's ur deepest secret..

  


**JS:** Annabelle your shit doesn't work on me, much less over text.

  


**AC:** fuck,,,

  


**TS:** I'm actually losing it I think

  


**NO:** Well We All Think That!!

  


**MK:** georgie what I'm SAYING is elias is NOT a top he would fucking NEVER like holy shit I know you dont know him but you can see it in his EYES that he gets rawed every night by his bear of a husband that martin thirsts for like! All that man does is COMPLAINNNN you KNOW Peter's like say my name and hes like make me and then gets his shit ROCKED

  


**MK:** oh wrong chat

  


**AC:** IANSJSBDVEJEBDVDBHDHEHWJWJWJ2JWOWKNS

  


**TS:** I'm crying but also laughing now I don't know how to react to anything 

  


**SJ:** MELANIE

  


**GB:** AHAHAHAJHEEHBWHS

  


**JS:** I mean, is she wrong? No.

  


**MK:** THANK you also oh um. Sorry? Tim?

  


**JS:** Elias is a twig of a man. How do we not see the bruises.

  


**MK:** makeup is a hell of thing

  


**DT:** hes a twig but hes still stronger then you. tragic.

  


**BH:** somebody please mute or delete this chat jesus fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

  


**OB:** Delete it.

  


**OB:** Please, please god delete it.

  


**SJ:** okay guys goodnight!!!!!

  


**SJ** muted the chat for  **two days** !

  


\--

  


**SJ:** ok let's try again?

  


**JS:** No.

  


**NO:** Let Me Change My Goddamn Name! This Is Homophobia! I Will Kill You!

  


**SJ:** listen I wont let there be two name themes I refuse

  


**HR** changed  **NO** 's name to  **Nikki** ! 

  


**HR:** :^]

  


**Nikki:** Thank Fuck! Thank You Helen Oh My God

  


**SJ:** HOW

  


**MD:** spiral sh.i.t,, Aarc hivisst

  


**SJ:** not the archivist!cool!

  


**TS:** I'm still having a breakdown.

  


**NIkki:** Arent We All

  


**TS:** NO?

  


**Nikki:** Listen, Tim, I Get It's Scary To Reunite With A Family Member After A Long Time Of No Talking But…

  


**TS:** FOUR YEARS AND I THOUGHT. HE. WAS. DEAD.

  


**Nikki:** Listen. Details.

  


**DT:** helen why are you sitting on a electric cable

  


**HR:** the views nice:)

  


**DT:** oh. ok.

  


**JS:** Sasha, why is Elias glaring at your empty desk.

  


**SJ:** because hes a bastard and we hate him?

  


**TS:** NO ITS NOT JUST A DETAILS THING I????

  


**Nikki:** I Think We Should Finish This In DMs Honestly.

  


**MB:** please.

  


**JS:** No, no, he's always that but like.

  


**JS:** He's pissed.

  


**JS:** What did you do. I'm curious.

  


**SJ:** … called him a twink to his face

  


**MK:** KANSIWNE SASHHHAAAAA

  


**MB:** SASH THE MAN IS LIKE 70

  


**SJ:** and.

  


**JS:** He deserves it honestly.

  


**MB:** DONT ENCOURAGE HER??? AREN'T YOU THE SERIOUS BUSINESS MAN HERE??THE FUCK???

  


**GB:** AJSNWIBEEIBEIEEEEINEIENEKEKE

  


**JS:** Shut up.

  


**GB:** JONATHAN SIMS?????

  


**JS:** Georgina Elizabeth Barker. Shut. Your. Goddamn. Mouth.

  


**GB:** THIS MAN IS FUCKING INSANE!

  


**DT:** pretty much yea

  


**JS:** DAISY

  


**DT:** do I really need to bring up "someone put me in a chokehold but like… lovingly."

  


**JS:** What did I do to deserve this

  


**OB:** exist

  


**JS:** Fucker.

  


**MB:** hey what

  


**MK:** yknow what it checks out

  


**MK:** I knew you weren't That Bland you called elias a fucking weirdo to his face

  


\--

  


**HR** changed 5 names!

  


**SJ:** literally HOW are you doing that HOW.

  


**HR:** a great magician never reveals her secrets!!!:^]

  


**MD:** I .litteever.y can...t e.pl as in m oore. Tthhaat it.s spiral sh..i t

  


**HR:** fuck you!>:^[

  


**Daisy:** I cant read anything michael sends how can you

  


**Daisy:** oh thank god. I couldn't stand dt. so soso ugly

  


**Basi:** yknow what. Still hate it but I'll take it.

  


\--

  


**Jonny:** Funny to think that if I was a few inches taller I would be able to destroy God.

  


**Daisy:** you: :/

  


**Daisy:** the eye: oh jonn??do you need ssomething my favorite angel avaatarrr??~~~~~~~~~☆~☆♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

  


**Jonny:** shut up

  


**Georgie:** is she WRONG?? no

  


\--

  


**MB:** I made pie yall want any

  


**Nikki:** Martin, I Feel Like I Should Say This

  


**MB:** ,,what,,,,,,,

  


**Nikki:** You Give Me The Vibe As Someone Who Uses "UwU"

  


**MB:** What the fuck?

  


**MB:** Do I look 16 to you? Fuck you. I'd fucking never. Jesus christ.

  


**SJ:** what kind of pie

  


**TS:** blueberry I checked

  


**SJ:** FUCK YEAH

  


**Nikki:** Listen! Listen. You Simply Have The Vibe

  


**MB:** are you calling me a soft boy.

  


**Nikki:** Yes

  


**MB:** I will skin you

  


**Nikki:** Oh, Try!!

  


**Nikki:** Many Already Have None Fucking Did It Get Fucked

  


**Nikki:** I Will Skin You, He Says.

  


**Nikki:** Fucker I Skin People Every Day

  


**Nikki:** It's My Job

  


**MB:** hmm a shame:/ guess you'll have to be taken off the employee of the month :/

  


**Nikki:** Oh Absolutely Not

  


**Nikki:** I Would Rip You Limb From Limb Before You Even Got The Chance

  


**Ollie:** ha ha rip

  


\--

  


**AC:** martin join me and nik were watching ponyo

  


**MB:** no

  


**AC:** be a fucking man and watch ponyo with us

  


**MB:** I dont WANNA watch ponyo

  


**AC:** Martin Fucking Blackwood Watch Ponyo With Us.

  


**MB:** NO???

  


**AC:** fucking hell desperate times come for desperate measures ig

  


**SJ:** ponyo HITS lemme join I'll drag tim along

  


**AC:** bet I'm making nikola kidnap martin

  


**MB:** YOU'RE WHAYBVSGSVVV

  


**MB:** Be Back In A Minute!!

  


**SJ:** jon come watch ponyo with us

  


**Jonny:** Okay?

  


\--

  


**Nikki:** Did You Lock The Doors?

  


**AC:** I'm not a fool Nikola of course

  


**MK:** wh

  


**Nikki:** We Did Something!!

  


**Georgie:** maybe he'll stop fucking PINING

  


**Daisy:** have you met jon

  


**MK:** have you met the others.

  


**Nikki:** It'll Work Out!

  


**Nikki:** I Think.  


  


**Nikki:** Probably!  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> •newly wed couple is breeken & hope
> 
> •danny content babey
> 
> •uhhhh jonmartimsasha jonmartimsasha
> 
> •I meant to make this as chaotic as possible I hope I succeeded
> 
> •nikolahelen:^]
> 
> •jon definitely vents ab how cute three of his coworkers are I do not take constructive criticism


	11. michael wants you to rest. spite him by writing half of this at 3am

**TS:** motherfuckers took my polycule cant have shit in detroit

**MK:** elias saw yall making out half the time and went hmmm I'm homophobic AND heterophobic and sent jon to work under The Actual Archivist and martin to work under mr lonely

**SJ:** does he think I wont makeout with tim? I will. Also never make an assumption that I'm het ever again I will end you

**TS:** god I hope u will babe our year anniversary is coming up next week

**SJ:** dont count ur luck tbh

**Jonny:** Someone just... shoot Gertrude, please. Also I hate that Martin is working under Peter Lukas. :/

**TS:** kin i.d me

**Jonny:** kindating?

**TS:** every time I remember you know memes I lose it that's just wrong

**SJ:** jon saying kindating is illegal

**Nikki:** He's Said Worse Cowards.

**Ollie:** ^^

**Ollie:** "Nikola, this cat girl outfit is the worst thing you've ever put me in." *20 mins later* "Like, nya~, y'know? No - NO! You HAVE to do the wrist movement. It's needed. Without it it's just... nya. No. It has to be 'Nya~'."

**Jonny:** I've given up

**MB:** listen I dont like it either BUT

**MB:** Peter is hot as hell

**TS:** Stop! Being! Horny! For! A! Bear! In! His! 60s!

**MK:** PETERS YOUNGER THEN ELIAS?

**MK:** oh my god...........

\--

**Daisy** sent a video!

[in the video Daisy Tonner and Jonathan Sims are hanging out in a small bedroom-ish room, Jon is ranting about something, using wild hand gestures. He suddenly stops short as his eye gets caught on the moon outside, which seems bigger than usual. He does not continue the rant, choosing instead to stay in the exact same position for ten seconds, the video then ends]

**Daisy:** "whats ADHD like?" this

**Georgie:** IM CACAKLLINGGG HE JUST STOPPS??????? what was he TALKING about

**Daisy:** "we can't QUIT??? WE CAN'T QUIT? DAISY IM NOT EVEN FULLY WORKING FOR THE MAN WHAT THE GODDAMN HELL AND FUCK DOES HE MEAN I CANT QUIT? OH MY GOD! OH IM ELIAS IM TRYING TO END THE WORLD PROBABLY AND I DONT EVEN GIVE DECENT FUCKINH PAY NOR BREAKS BUT! YOU CAN'T LEAVE!!! Daisy. Daisy he said the only way to leave is to kill him. Daisy im gonna do it. Im going to commit murder i swear to g- *gets distracted by the moon* oh."

**Georgie:** god icon

**Georgie:** is he still looking at the moon

**Daisy:** no he passed out:) sleepin on the floor with TA and Valko 

**Georgie:** with who

**Daisy:** i got him a cat her name is Valko

**MB:** why the fuck does that sound familiar

**MK:** WE CANT WHAT NOW.

**MK:** IM SORRY WE CANT. WHAT. 

**Daisy:** quit ig

**Basi:** wait what.

**Basi:** Are you kidding me.

**Basi:** Fuck.

**Ollie:** basira NO YOU DID NOT

**Basi:** I just wanted a decent paying job. I just wanted a  _ job. _

**MB:** in this economy.

**Nikki:** Basira! In This Goddamn Economy? Please!

**MB:** .

**Nikki:** .

**Nikki:** I Swear To God Blackwood I Will Drag Your Ass To Hell

**MB:** promise?

**Nikki:** I Cannot Stand You I Do Not See How Jon Does It

**TS:** we're martin blackwood simps

**MK:** THATS! NOT! WHAT! IT! MEANS! TIMOTHY STOKER!

**TS:** give me a word that has the same energy then melanie

**MK:** IT DOESNR EXIST YOU KNOW THAT

**TS:** exactly

\--

**SJ:** im going back to da tunnels

**TS:** NO?

**SJ:** itll b great

**TS:** NO

**MB:** SASHA

**Jonny:** Sounds fun.

**SJ:** at least SOMEBODY supports me

**Jonny:** :)

**Nikki:** Jon Do Not

**Jonny:** :)

**Nikki:** Jonathan.

**Jonny:** :)

**Daisy:** Jon please

**Jonny:** Let me hunt demons in tunnels.

**Georgie:** absolutely NOT last time was a MESS

**SJ:** hey last time?

**SJ:** _last time?_

**Nikki:** God That Was Funny Though I Will Admit

**Nikki:** You Really Just Almost Died

**Nikki:** Don't You Have Eye Powers? Didn't You Know?

**Nikki:** You Just Fucking

**Nikki:** Oh I'm Jon I'm Going Into The Hidden Tunnels And I'm Going To Almost Be Killed By A Fire Lesbian And Her Feral Bodyguard

**Jonny:** Hey. Agnes and I got on fine after.

**Nikki:** Jude Still Wants To Kill You

**Jonny:** And? Does that look like my problem.

**Nikki:** She Wants To. Kill You Jon. Murder. First Degree. Yes?

**Jonny:** It's fine.

**Jonny:** Anyway, Sash, tunnel time?

**SJ:** I

**SJ:** hell yeah let's go

**TS:** NO!!!!!

\--

**Jonny:** Gertrude just came in with a broken hand. Okay.

**SJ:** shes just chillin

**Nikki:** Oh, Icon.

**Jonny:** Absolutely not she has tried to kill me I think.

**MD:** ssh.e sddid. Killll m e

**Nikki:** Hey! What.

**MD:** spiral w e ent snsnaytcch

**Nikki:** .

**Nikki:** Okay.

\--

**TS:** very funny how people call me timothy when my name is tim

**MB:** it's called a full name tim.othy.

**TS:** my full name is tim fool

**SJ:** babe its called a nickname

**TS:** my Legal Full Name Is Tim Stoker

**MK:** bull. Shit.

**TS:** ARE YOU GATEKEEPING. MY NAME?

**MK:** GUESS SO.

**TS:** MY NAME IS TIM NO O NO THY JUST TIM

**Ollie:** That's so fucking cursed, why.

**TS:** MY MOM WAS LIKE LETS NAME HIM TIMOTHY BUT CALL HIM TIM AND MY MAMÍ WAS LIKE THEN LETS JUST NAME HIM TIM QUESTION MARK AND HERE I AM

**SJ:** god that's so valid of them

**MB:** tim I love your mother's but WHY

**TS:** I DONT KNOW ASK THEM YOU HAVE THEIR NUMBERS

**MB:** bet

**TS:** wait no

**SJ:** OANSIWHEIWNSIWJW

**SJ:** martin: hey lee:)hey may:) whyd the FUCK did you name your son tim no last part:)

**SJ:** them: …………… we hate him

**TS:** they LOVE me

**TS:** I am a fucking DELIGHT

**SJ:** I'm their favorite

**TS:** Shut Up

**Nikki:** That's My Thing Whore

\--

**Daisy:** due to personal reasons I will be an enemy of the state

**Basi:** Good job babe, proud of you.

**Daisy:** :)

**Jonny:** Clown Town vibes are just being enemies of the state, wdym.

**Ollie:** I mean. Yeah.

**Nikki:** Australia Wants Me Dead!

**Nikki:** As Does Russia!

**Nikki:** Fuckers!

**Jonny:** Me 🤝 Nikola

**Jonny:** Australia wanting us shot on sight.

**Nikki:** Ah… Two Summers Ago… What A Trip

**MK:** I got shot in the foot by a ghost two summers ago??

**Jonny:** 2018 was just cursed.

**Nikki:** Blessed

**MK:** yeah that adds up

\--

**MB:** THE CULT

**MB:** THE FUCKING VALKO CULT

**MB:** JONATHAN SIMS YOU NAMED YOUR FUCKING CAT AFTER A. FUCKING. CULT????????????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Jonny:** What.

**Jonny:** Oh. Fuck. The Valko case.

**Jonny:** I didn't even realize.

**MB:** YOU _ ACCIDENTALLY NAMED YOUR CAT AFTER A CULT??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?@?@??@?@?@?!?@?@*×^÷<$^×>×;@[#,$>×&[×[!($*=>÷[×[[!*$&÷[×[+) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONMARTIMSASHA. thats it send tweet.
> 
> \- ok so. unrelated but. god. hey guys 36 questions timsasha au. SOMEBODY TALK WITH ME ABOUT THIS IT KILLS ME. FUCK.
> 
> \- also unrelated urm. planning on posting a very snad jonmartimsasha fic. thots?
> 
> -I had eye surgery so dats why I have not been active I'm so sorry💔💔I missed writing these fucks
> 
> -i did the moon thing. That was me. I was ranting to myself and i saw a light outside so mid-sentence i looked outside and i just. Yknow that one gif of richie from it? Yippy kay ay motherfuck-? That was. Literally me. For personal reasons i will be passing away
> 
> -valko + the valko cult is named after my friends ocs and their cult and shes getting into tma if she reads this and figures out I used her shit shell kill me I'm so scared💞💖💞💖
> 
> -tim with two moms tim with two moms (they are hispanic and korean!) TIM WITH TWO MOMS


	12. let's bring back tumblr discourse I miss it

**Jonny:** Elias has a twitter. This is the worst day of my life. 

**TS:** he has a WHAT.

**SJ:** YEAHHHHH I SAW THAT fucking traumatizing 

**Jonny:** I think he subtweeted us.

**SJ:** he definitely subtweeted us

**TS:** ???

**SJ:** "When your employees all stop doing their jobs🙄🙄" like ok mr eye

**SJ:** ur the one who wont let us LEAVE…

**MB:** maybe pay us decently and we'll give a shit

**SJ:** we still wont

**MB:** .yeah.

\--

**Ollie:** I found the shitty ghost episode we made

**Daisy:** on god

**Nikki:** FR????????

**Jonny:** Kill it.

**Ollie:** no it's so fucking funny

**Ollie** sent a video!

[The video is shaky, and we can only assume Oliver is the one holding it by his soft laughs behind the screen. In front of us are Daisy Tonner and Jonathan Sims, Daisy is wearing a cropped shirt that says ACAB, shorts, and combat boots. She also has a visible knife strapped to her leg. Jon is wearing a shirt that says 'my eyes are everywhere' and sweats. His hair is put up in a ponytail. They're posed in front of the camera, looking like grade A fools. They're both grinning and laughing.

They try to say something at the same time, it seems like they rehearsed this, but the moment they get halfway through "welcome to-" a loud crash scares them, making them both jump. Jon screams. The video cuts off as Nikola Orsinov crawls out of a broken window behind them.]

**Basi:** When?? Did this happen??

**Daisy:** like a year ago

**Nikki:** That Was So Fucking Funny Honestly But Ollie! You Cut Off At The Best Part!! When Daisy Pulls Her Knife At Me!!

**Daisy:** you CRAWLED out of a BROKEN WINDOW even though we did NOT invite you NOR DID YOU KNOW OUR LOCATION 

**Nikki:** Bold Of You To Assume You Can Hide From The Stranger

**Georgie:** IS THAT???THE REALLY CURSED PLACE I COVERED LIKE TWO YEARS AGO??? ALMOST EVERYONE WHO ENTERS DIES?

**MK:** WHAT THE FUCK GUYS HUH?

**Jonny:** I miss that shirt.

**Ollie:** what happened to it

**Jonny:** Agnes stole it.

**Nikki:** Is She Good?

**Jonny:** Yeah we actually talked recently. She's doing well, coming back out here soon, I think.

**Georgie:** JONATHAN?? SOMEBODY??? ANSWER MY QUESTION????????

**TS:** *MY* question is where can I watch that in full 

**Jonny:** When you're dead.

**TS:** ???RUDE???

**Jonny:** And.

**Georgie:** PLEASE.

**Daisy:** yeah it was

**Georgie:** WHY

**Daisy:** it was fun

**Jonny:** Didn't you shoot at the ghost. Where did you find the gun.

**Ollie:** oh my god yeah

**Daisy:** ghost gun

**Basi:** That is… not real. I refuse to believe ghosts have GUNS now.

**MK:** yeah they have guns.

**Nikki:** Jon Invite Her Over Coward

**Jonny:** No. You and Jude get on too well.

**Nikki:** How Dare You I Blocked Her On Everything After She Called Jestie Ugly

**Georgie:** SHE WHAT BRUHHHH

**Ollie:** jestie???your dog?????

**Nikki:** Yeah((

**Ollie:** that's fucked up

\--

**Jonny:** When will Jared leave me alone.

**Daisy:** is he after another bone

**Jonny:** YES.

**Jonny:** I GAVE YOU A RIB AGE 12 IS THAT NOT ENOUGH YOU FLESH LUMP OF A MAN.

**Nikki:** C'mon Jon. Don't Be Stingy. Give The Man Another!!

**Jonny:** I like my bones, Nikola.

**Nikki:** Selfish Bitch

\--

**TS:** my life is cursed because I sometimes still call jon starbucks jon

**TS:** WAIT NO WRONG CHAT

**Jonny:** You call me what now.

**SJ:** TIM ME AND MARTIN DO THE SAME THINHAHAHWUWBEIWN

**Nikki:** ??Starbucks Jon???

**TS:** before he joined this hellhole

**MB:** SHUT YOUR MOUTH TIMOTHY

**TS:** WE TALKED ABOUT THIS THERE IS NO OTHY

**MB:** I DONT GIVE A FUCK SHUT YOUR MOUTH

**Nikki:** I Love Starbucks Jon Oh My God! I'm Losing It! Why Would You Do That To Him? What Other Jon's Did You Even Know?

**MK:** god

**MK:** no jod

**MK:** I realize neither of those are right

**AC:** IANSIWNWI MELANIE 

\--

**AC:** Jon:3

**Jonny:** What.

**AC:** I want coffee3:

**Jonny:** Okay.

**AC:** wait that worked?wild ok

**AC:** WAIT IT ACTUALLY WORKED???

**Jonny:** Absolutely not I just take any excuse to leave MAG.

**Basi:** God I wish that was me.

**SJ:** rt💔

\--

**HR:** Why is blood so fucking wack:^] the shit just comes out of your body?i didn't agree to this

**Nikki:** None Of Us Did!<3 Blood Is A Horrific Curse On All Of Us

**Jonny:** Okay. Yeah. 

**Daisy:** rt I scrap my knee and start bleeding and instead of getting the cool skater girl look I look like someone who needs stitches

**Jonny:** You did need stitches. You tore a chunk of your skin off.

**Daisy:** and? It was fucked up because it ruined the look

**SJ:** *stage whisper* are they like… ok

**TS:** *stage whispering back* fuck no

-

**AC:** I miss tingle discourse drop ur favorite jungle discourse down below

**AC:** mines probably the time that one person stole human bones and was selling them

**SJ:** I'm just a big fan of the spn fandom drama. That and superwholock bullshit

**TS:** in the same vein as sash, homestuck.

**SJ:** ok dave kinnie

**MB:** shut up anyway the user pizza

**SJ:** GOD YEAH..

**Basi:** I never used tumblr, but, the hamilton HIV fic. You know the one.

**TS:** I hate that I do.

**Jonny:** Every single day I think about mod sliver.

**Daisy:** it was a SCAM GODDAMNIT LIKE?×*&÷>×&÷×* SONIC AND AMY ARE THE SAME PERSON ILL DIE ON THIS HILL

**Jonny:** Tails was the only redeeming one.

**Ollie:** fuck you? Tikal doesnt deserve this slander

**Jonny:** no she was obviously like a hack

**Daisy:** yeah gotta agree tbh

**Nikki:** Fuck Mod Amy Man

**Daisy:** all my homies hate mod Amy

**HR:** Mod amy turned me het.

**Nikki:** We're Breaking Up?

**HR:** sorry babe💔:^[

**Nikki:** No. No. I Get It.

**Nikki:** Mod Amy Turned Me Straight Too

**MD:** what a arrtt tthehe ffucuck

**HR:** go back to your doors ugly ass

**MD:** I broo ought you I n. Too this worldd I'll takeeyy ou out

**HR:** ok??try it twink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- yes the gang tried to hunt ghosts. yes it's so fucking stupid. yes it's the only thing on my mind 247
> 
> \- nikolahelen
> 
> \- might fuck around and add agnes bc I love her
> 
> \- finished s4 and god that sure did fuck me up! time to binge all of s5 that's out rn a .ha. haha. H.
> 
> \- starbucks jon. that's all.


	13. this took me six days to write god why / nikola is like seven feet tall. thoughts?

**MK:** I'm going to VOMIT

**Jonny:** Why. Why. Fucking.

**Jonny:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

**MK:** RTRTRT

**Jonny:** What's the point? Genuinely? What's the point of any of this? Life is meaningless.

**MK:** Existence is a fraud.

**Jonny:** Fuck. 

**Jonny:** Why didn't The Eye warn me.

**Jonny:** Wait.

**Jonny:** WAIT.

**MK:** NOOOOOO NONONONONO HE DIDNT

**Jonny:** He knew.

**MK:** HNIVJGJB IM LITERALLY GOING TO BE SICK

**Nikki:** Huh

**MK:** walked in on lonelyeyes having sex

**MB:** HUH?

**Jonny:** This is why I'm in therapy.

**MK:** MOOD! MY THERAPIST IS GONNA HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS ONE

**MK:** hey at least its confirmed elias is a brat

**Jonny:** That doesn't help this, Melanie. That doesn't help this at all.

**MK:** y

**MK:** yeah you're right

**SJ:** I'm sorry what

**SJ:** THEYRE HAVING SEX IN THE BUILDING?????

**Jonny:** Apparently.

**MK:** elias wont fire any of us I'm leaving

**MK:** I'm taking a week off

**Jonny:** A month.

**MK:** I'm taking forever off

**MK:** never coming back🤩 paid vacation but for my entire life

**Jonny:** Same. Fuck it, Nik, I'm joining the circus.

**Nikki:** Well Finally! I'll Put You In The Acrobat Spot You Funky Flexible Fuck

**Jonny:** :)

**TS:** martin has been staring at his phone in horror for ten minutes what the fuck is happening

**TS:** oh.

**TS:** for personal reasons I will be passing away

\--

**SJ:** me and jon: *talking in the animal crossing language*

**SJ:** tim and martin, crying: SHUT THE FUCK UP

**TS:** WHAT ARE YALL EVEN SAYING

**SJ:** talkin shit duh

**Nikki:** Why The Animal Crossing Language

**SJ:** bc who's gonna translate it? Elias? We speak every language (when needed) perfectly if we're gonna talk shit we arent gonna use a language that you can just put into google translate 

**Nikki:** Fair!

**SJ:** also its funny 

**TS:** all I hear is "bebobabebebapbotbe!" "*gasp* BEBOBOT??"

**SJ:** it's a language of gods tim be respectful

**TS:** did you just call yourself a god

**SJ:** no I called kk slider a god

\--

**Jonny:** Hey. What.

**Jonny** sent a photo!

[too long. far, far too long, is the creature in the picture. it's arms are dangly and longer than you think possible, and even then they get cut off before you can see all of it, the claws are on the window, and it looks like it's tapping on the window. It's eyes are glowing, softly, a deep red. It has a grin, with far too many teeth. It's head is crooked, leaning on it's side]

**Ollie:** ????WHAT IS THAT

**Daisy:** fuckhands mcmike

**MD:** y e es.

**MD:** oo h

**Jonny:** He's friend shaped.

**Ollie:** JON THAT IS A DEMON 

**Jonny:** I should be more phased by this shouldn't I.

**Daisy:** nah

**TS:** YES?????????

**SJ:** oh my god tunnel monster:0

**SJ:** jon tell it I said hi

**Jonny:** Okay.

**Jonny:** It just growled.

**SJ:** rude

**TS:** WHAT IS WRONG???WITH YOU PEOPLE???????????

**MB:** it's the trauma

**TS:** OH MY GOD?

\--

**Jonny:** I went to sleep and fuckhands mcmike is gone. :(

**Nikki:** Oh? That Thing?

**Nikki:** That's The Not!Them Jon

**Jonny:** HUH

**Ollie:** LIKE,,,,, GRAHAMS NOT THEM,,,,,,, MURDER TABLE?

**Nikki:** Yep!))

**Daisy:** god that's so on brand

**Basi:** The what.

**Daisy:** uhhh Oliver's boyfriend almost died bc of his table that had the not them in it

**Basi:** .

**Basi:** Alright sounds good.

**SJ:** the not what

**Nikki:** Takes Your Skin!!! But Like

**Nikki:** Not Your Skin!! It Kills You And Takes Your Memories But It Isnt You Also Everyone Else Forgets Who You Are)

**Nikki:** Its Also Debatable If People Are Still Conscious While The Not Them Is Acting As Them!

**Nikki:** Stranger Based Obviously

**SJ:** oh

**SJ:** cool

**SJ:** anyway

**TS:** SASHA YOU SAID THATS WHAT WAS CHASING YOU.?????

**SJ:** yeah

**TS:** INIGJGYONYGJG ???????????????

**SJ:** ah it's fine it's in the tunnels

**MB:** sash babe it isnr

**SJ:** oh

**SJ:** hmmm forgot about that

\--

**TS:** martin is just that "for you… (I probably shouldn't but) imma let you hit it for free" titkok sound

**TS:** SPECIFICALLY about p*ter l*kas

**SJ:** TITKOK?????

**SJ:** also yeah

**TS:** I said what I said

**SJ:** hate it here

**TS:** not as much as I hate elias hitting on me

**SJ:** HE DID IT AGAIN???how many times do we have to teach you old man…

**TS:** TOO MANY he did give me a raise tho

**SJ:** R YOY KIDDING MENEJAHAIANAJ A RAISE?????????

**TS:** yeah

**TS:** told me to "buy something nice for myself;)" sir im already in a polycule

**Jonny:** Tim, you're cheating on us?

**SJ:** fucking hell timothy AGAIN?

**MB:** fuck💔💔

**TS:** SHUT UP I HATE YOU THREE

\--

**HR:** 100 gecs is Spiral core:^]]

**Jonny:** ADHD core.

**HR:** that's what I said

**Basi:** "Same thing bitch, just different shapes."

**HR:** yea>:^]

**HR:** no thoughts head the pure vibe of the end of gec 2 ü

\--

**MB:** so there is actually a 15th fear

**SJ:** HUH?

**MB:** called the extinction:) how funky:)

**MK:** oh a vibe 

**MB:** right?

**MB:** peter either wants me to become an avatar for it or the lonely lolllzzzz

**TS:** ...nani…….

**MB:** yyeah hes sketchy but hot YANNO

**Jonny:** Absolutely not.

**MB:** shut up anyway yeah hes like :)martinnnnnnnn wont you be a dear and read up on it? and im like ok boss bet and then he goes yeah martin………….no one has been an avatar for them that we know of yet……. how neat is that…….. And im like cool ig boss can i go to lunch now

**MB:** then the next day hes like yknow,,,,,lonely avatars are usually lukas' but i can make an exception,,,,,, and im like no thanks!:) really gotta finish filing

**AC:** martin if you leave me in the web ALONE

**MB:** I fuckin might 

**AC:** simp

**MB:** Annabelle you literally simped for a fire goddess

**AC:** agnes is hot but she has a weird ass relationship with the head archivist💔I hate it

**MB:** dont we all

\--

**Nikki:** Oliver!!((( You Small Bastard Get Over Here

**Ollie:** im not small nik you're just 6 fucking 11

**Nikki:** And??? You're Small To Me

**Nikki:** Also. I'm Seven Feet Tall!

**Nikki:** Get It Right Shorty!

**Ollie:** IM 5'9

**Nikki:** Yes! Exactly! Short Ass!

**Ollie:** n o

**Nikki:** Y E S ! Smh!!!!!!!!

**Georgie:** the fuck yall doing

**Ollie:** killing god

**Nikki:** Grabbing Skin!

**Ollie:** gods skin

**Georgie:** aight bet have fun

\--

**Jonny:** Tim.

**Jonny:** Tim, why is…  _ that… _ in your soundcloud history.

**TS:** SHUT UP.

**Jonny:** _Tim._

**TS:** SHUT UPPPPP

**Jonny:** What the fuck are blizzard conditions, Tim? What are they.

**TS:** Stop it

**TS:** this is SO mean Jon

**TS:** why do you hate me

**Jonny:** Because I love you. Anyway, I'm terrified of it, Tim.

**Jonny:** I mean I knew you liked homestuck, but, Christ.

**TS:** *wailing emoji* AAAAAAAAAA

**SJ:** WAIT.

**SJ:** Jon you dont mean c*rnivals*ringe

**Jonny:** yeah.

**SJ:** _TIM_

**TS:** if life is terrible and worthless and you dont wanna contiune living clap your hands

**TS:** *clap clap*

**SJ:** TIMMMMMMMMM

**TS:** CLAP CLAP

**AC:** clop fic

**MB:** WE ARE NOT GOING THERE

**TS:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- turns out after I wrote at minimum a chapter a day (aka 1k+ words a day) for like over a week i got burnt out LMAOOO im so sorry yall my brain dont work and ive just had this sitting in my gdocs
> 
> \- im still debating adding agnes tbh on one hand. Fire wife. On the other i already have so many mf characters
> 
> \- i listened to the.....jsbsubjb You Know What today and I literally hated every minute of it but i was dared and im not a pussy but I am projecting it onto tim. that is all. (If you ask what it is i WILL link it with no context dont try me)
> 
> -elias & peter do be simping for martim doe😳
> 
> -i think thats it uhhhhhh OH ill try n get more chapters out soon! I have a plan which might help me write more Idk we will see ig gn gamers


	14. Oh god we're back to individual chats oh god oh f

**Jonny:** Who.

**Jonny** sent a photo!

[ It's a mug, covered in hastily drawn eyes, with "Head Archivist" on the handle]

**Basi:** God.

**Nikki:** You Are The Watcher's Favorite Sooo!))))))

**Jonny:** Who.

**Nikki:** Why Do You Literally Never Let Me Have Fun! It Was Me You Fucking Asshole!

**Nikki:** Happy Early Birthday! I Hope Your Deathday Is Soon.

**Jonny:** Thanks, Nik. :)

\--

**Daisy:** Love owning Heely's smiley face

**Daisy:** Oh now it doesn't pick up :) question mark

**Daisy:** Are you kidding me period

**Daisy:** Caps holy shoot

**Daisy:** Holy shoot question mark question mark the duck

**Daisy:** a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a 

**Daisy:** I can't stop and re tope everything

**Daisy:** Tape?? That's not even a real word exclamation point

**Daisy:** Your ducking kidding me

**Daisy:** Voice to text that is not the right you are

**Daisy:** Caps no exclamation point a a a a 

**Georgie:** HAJAOQNWIENWIWH DAISY?

**Daisy:** I am in heck

**Daisy:** Heck

**Daisy:** No heck you stupid phone heck heck heck heck heck heck heck cachectic caps heck heck bbbbbbbbbb what is happening oh my God screams screams

**Daisy:** a a a a a a a a a a a stop-it-stop-it-stop-it oh my God

**Daisy:** Why has God bless me? Have I done something

**Daisy:** that is not what I said exclamation point question mark crying face

**Daisy:** ok theres a red light man so i cant go across the street r n WHAT THE FUCK VOICE TO TEXT

**Georgie:** iCANRR BREATHEEEJANAUWHEUWNEJWNSJNSJWJEHE

**Jonny:** Are you… okay?

**Daisy:** Absolutely pot that is homophobic

**Daisy:** Gosh darn it not again

**Daisy:** Darn it question mark question mark question mark what the heck

**Daisy:** Duck

**Daisy:** Caps duck duck duck duck

**Ollie:** she's really just yelling fuck into her phone huh

**Daisy:** Caps duck you Oliver

**Daisy:** Duck

**Daisy:** I hate this

**Basi:** Babe, what are you even… doing???

**Daisy:** I was just crying to get melt

**Daisy:** Man

**Daisy:** No

**Daisy:** Milked

**Daisy:** Closed in off

**Daisy:** Caps enough

**Jonny:** HOMOPHOBIC POT?

**Basi:** It strikes again I see…

**Daisy:** You to r sewn mean

**Daisy:** voice to text is homophobic I think. Sis so so so so so so so so so stop stop stop stop stop stop oh God red light of shoot duck no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no stay back stay back stay back stay back dear God why are you not stopping you ducking meanie oh my God what the duck

**Daisy:** are you serious are you actually looking serious no go away no I do not want to join your ducking MLM you oh my God I am trying to get to my house I have no time wearing you feel he's what makes you think that I have the middle to paste capacitor bility to join something or I have to make people like me I am the least friendly person you could possibly meet and I'm also not in a good mood. Can you please go away

**Daisy:** okay on the way home :-)

**Georgie:** HABAIANWIQNAINSDUBWLANSIWMAOAOWOEJ????????????????????????????????.

**Ollie:** I can't fucking breathe

**Nikki:** ***Ducking

**Ollie:** ah ur right my bad

\--

**Jonny:** Did you get the milk?

**Daisy:** yes

**Daisy:** voice to text is homophobic

**Heely:** You've said!!!!:^]

**Daisy:** and? Ill say it again

\--

**Nikki:** Someone Just Asked Me If I Was Wearing Platforms? How Dare You For One!

**Nikki:** Then They Asked If I Worked At A Haunted House???? Bitch! I Am The Haunted House! Get In Line I'll Skin You Right Here Right Now I Bring My Knife With Me For This Exact Purpose!!?!?!?!

**Ollie:** you. what now.

**Nikki:** Skinning Knife Oliver Keep Up

**Ollie:** .

**Ollie:** ok

**Nikki:** Also My Outfit Isn't Even Halloween Themed??? I'm In Rainbow Pants And A Rainbow Crop Top How Does That Scream Horror To You

**Georgie:** tbf i used to be afraid of clowns

**Nikki:** And Then You Met Me??,)) Aw!

**Georgie:** no then I lost my ability to be afraid 

\--

**Basi:** Is everyone at the Archives in a relationship?

**Georgie:** we have feralcottagecore, wfgfs, polychives, and l*nelyeyes so yeah

**Jonny:** Polychives is so ugly? Why would you do this to me.

**Georgie:** jonmartimsasha?

**Jonny:** Georgie, that's? So much worse?

**Basi:** Ot4.

**Jonny:** Stop.

**Daisy:** entitytouched 

**Basi:** No.

**Nikki:** EyesWeb!

**Jonny:** Tim??

**Nikki:** Oh:/

**Georgie:** nonono i like eyesweb we just gotta edit it

**Georgie:** webeyes is also kinda neat ngl…

**Georgie:** but uh

**Georgie:** eyes&web

**Georgie:** tims the '&'

**Jonny:** NO!!

**Georgie:** HAHAIQNWIWNQONS

**Ollie:** all in favor for eyes&web say aye

**Daisy:** aye

**Georgie:** ayeeee babeyyyy

**Jonny:** NOT AYE

**Basi:** Wish we had Annabelle for this.

**Jonny:** BASIRA

**Heely:** aye:^]

**Nikki:** Aye! Duh!!!

**Georgie:** ok its legally eyes&web now

**Jonny:** What did I do to you all.

**Nikki:** Exist!!!))

\--

**Nikki:** Okay Everyone I've Decided What I Want For My Birthday Candles

**Daisy:** you have a birthday?

**Nikki:** The Day I Spawned Into The World Fully Formed

**Daisy:** ah:)

**Nikki:** Anyway It's These

**Nikki:** [https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y6QC7S8/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_Iku7EbCDFNRWG](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y6QC7S8/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_Iku7EbCDFNRWG)

!

**Ollie:** cake?

**Nikki:** Clown

**Ollie:** ah

\--

**Heely:** worm on strign

**Nikki:** Rt!

**Georgie:** abc mouse dot com

**Jonny:** Cool. :)

\--

**Daisy:** ah got reminded of the yaoi copypasta

**Jonny:** Which one, Daisy.

**Daisy:** hate that you can say that

**Jonny:** So do I.

**Daisy:** "Hold on hold on HOLD ON. You're telling me that there's people on THIS SITE who ARE PROUDLY HOMOPHOBIC?? What's the matter with you people?? Love is love everyone !! You all need to watch Hentalia and learn what YAOI is. I'm straight, but I will proudly serve as an ALLY (lgbtqA people!) And as an ALLY, I will not allow this homophobia to be on my dash. Please all watch Free! Or Yuri! On Ice ! Accept the yaoi into your life.. and you'll learn to accept the Gays" hmmm

**Ollie:** god thats a classic

**Daisy:** it is

**Nikki:** Really Thought You Were Gonna Say Just Got Reminded Of The Game

**Nikki:** Which Lead Me To Losing The Game

**Nikki:** So Fuck You You Just Lost The Game

**Daisy:** NO

**Daisy:** ITS BEEN LIKE FIVE YEARS THIS TIME NIKOLA YOU ASSHOLE

**Ollie:** FUCK NIKOLA WHY

**Heely:** what the hell is The Game:^]

**Jonny:** NIK WHY????

**Nikki:** Chaos!

**Heely:** thanks guys I get it now:^]

**Basi:** Having a breakdown at Starbucks, Nik, thanks.

**Nikki:** Any Time!!!

**Jonny:** IM SO UPSET

**Georgie:** why yall spamming damn

**Georgie:** YOURE KIDDING ME

**Georgie:** god DAMN IT

**Georgie:** FUCK!!!!!!!

\--

**Jonny:** The Eye is a cat. My evidence: Watches.

**Daisy:** yeah that holds up

**Basi:** It also chooses the people it likes.

**Ollie:** knows too much

**Nikki:** Does Not Care

**Heely:** refuses to be ignored:^0

**Georgie:** always whining ab need in 2 eat!

**Georgie:** oh my god The Eye is a cat huh

**Basi:** Great job guys, pack it up, I'll see you on Monday. 

**Basi:** Jon get that fucking paper for Gertrude done.

**Jonny:** Absolutely not!

**Basi:** You're why God abandoned this timeline.

**Nikki:** He Didn't Abandon It I Just Killed Him!

**Georgie:** is it like in pokemon when you defeat the champion you become the champion? Are you now god?

**Nikki:** Oh Of Course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- question. 👁👁 I Am Thinking ok. so hear me out. jonmartimsasha / polychives... discord server. thoughts? like itd also just be tma but like yall jonmartins and timsashas have a discord so🥺👉👈
> 
> \- I have too many people in the full chat!!I forget half of them!!we r going back to occasionally using the individual chats. Clown town hours babey
> 
> \- pleasw if yall can think of any good ship names for jonmartimsasha i Will love you forever no debate
> 
> \- enjoy losing The Game💔 i had a bit over my belt im so sad💔 my brain went haha the game and i lost it. Depression istg


	15. Discord im howling at the moon (no seriously theres a discord now check the end notes)

**Sugar baby:** Gertrude.

**Head Archivist:** What, Elias.

**Sugar baby:** Where are my  _ very important _ tapes I know I left in my desk?

**Head Archivist:** Up your ass.

**Gerry:** didnt realize you still had zingers in you, huh

**Head Archivist:** You obviously also didn't realize looking emo isn't the trend, nowadays.

**Gerry:** .

**Gerry:** hag

**Head Archivist:** Brat.

**Sugar baby:** Where. Are. My. Tapes.

**Vastly Horny:** ur sex tapes?

**Sugar:** Fucking hell.

**Gerry:** HUH?

\--

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** Um, Gertrude, are your assistants… okay?

**Gerry:** me?

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** No, the others.

**Head Archivist:** Do you mean Jon and Sasha? Yes, they're fine. Why?

**Mother fucking Jurgen Leitner:** They're in the tunnels?????

**Head Archivist:** They.

**Head Archivist:** They're what.

**Gerry:** theyre fine theyre friends with the distortion

**Head Archivist:** They're  _ WHAT. _

\--

**Sea man:** hEllo.

**Gerry:** ayyyyyy water man youre back

**Sea man:** peter.

**Sea man:** and y

**Sea man:** es

**Head Archivist:** Hello, Lukas.

**Sea man:** Gertrude.

**Sugar baby:** Oh thank god, you're finally back. Do you know how insufferable it is to deal with this institute alone?

**Head Archivist:** What, you missed getting rawed in your office, Elias?

**Gerry:** also i wouldnt hold ur breath its been what, a year since your last divorce? this one wont last that much longer

**Head Archivist:** That as well, I suppose.

**Sugar baby:** Why do I even allow myself to stay in this chat? I can't stand it here.

**Gerry:** ur a pussy

\--

**Sugar baby:** God fucking damn it.

**Gerry:** HA.

**Sugar baby:** Shut up you fucking little brat. God. Fucking. Hell. Jesus Christ.

**Head Archivist:** Don't be an asshole, Jonah.

**Sugar baby:** Oh, now you're protective? "Only  _ I _ , Gertrude Robinson, can insult the little ghost emo."?

**Head Archivist:** Shocked you know what emo is. And, yes.

**Gerry:** shocked he can read

**Vastly Horny:** I dont think he can! Probably has one of those reader thingys

**Vastly Horny:** I mean! We all know he cant count.

**Sugar baby:** IT WAS  _ ONE TIME. _

**Vastly Horny:** And?????? I dont see your point.

\--

**Gerry:** elias why are you homophobic

**Sugar baby:** I am, a fucking gay man?

**Gerry:** and yet you dont let my boyfriend in? what did he do.

**Sugar baby:** HE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME?

**Gerry:** and.

**Gerry:** we were gonna go out on a date:/ and you just destroyed his door:/ the fuck man

**Head Archivist:** Christ, Elias. The hell is wrong with you?

**Vastly Horny:** do you have no stopping point??? When will your madness end

**Sea man:** this. Is why we're divorced

**Gerry:** go off king

\--

**Gerry:** GERTRUDE YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS TRYING TO KILL YOUR ASSISTANTS. AGAIN.

**Head Archivist:** And.

**Gerry:** ITS SASHA?? THE ONE YOU LIKE???

**Head Archivist:** And.

**Sugar baby:** Gertrude, please, she's your backup.

**Head Archivist:** Why would you say that? Now I definitely don't care.

\--

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** Gertrude why did you leave a tape down here that just repeats that rant.

**Head Archivist:** Why not.

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** Why.

**Head Archivist:** Why not, Jurgen.

\--

**Vastly Horny:** gerrttrudeeee what's a tiktok

**Sugar baby:** Oh my god. Why do you think she'd, ugh.

**Head Archivist:** Social media app. Mainly has memes, why.

**Gerry:** why do u know that.

**Head Archivist:** Let me have fun, I'm hip. I know things.

**Gerry:** no you Know things

**Head Archivist:** Same thing bitch, just different shapes.

**Gerry:** gags

**Vastly Horny:** my new sugar baby is constantly on it smh

**Head Archivist:** A new one, Simon? Already?

**Vastly Horny:** lissttenn

**Vastly Horny:** hes a twink who likes fucking people over and peter wont let me steal his little lonely kid

**Sea man:** pplease leave martin Alone

**Vastly Horny:** absolutely not. Do you see the ass on that mf? He has cake lukas

**Sea man:** Stop.

**Vastly Horny:** No.

\--

**Head Archivist:** Gerry, stop scaring my assistants.

**Gerry:** no

**Gerry:** lmao i go boo behind tim and he jumps five feet in the air its so funny Gertrude

**Gerry:** Gertrude im dead let me have something

**Head Archivist:** No.

**Head Archivist:** Should've saged the place when I had the chance.

**Gerry:** but cha didnt ha

\--

**Sugar baby:** Gertrude, where is Jurgen.

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** Uh.

**Head Archivist:** No.

**Head Archivist:** You aren't The Web, Elias. Your stupid ass tricks do not work over  _ text. _ Much less in person, for me, anyway.

**Sugar baby:** Worth a try, I suppose.

**Head Archivist:** You suppose wrong. Let me go kill vampires, now, thank you.

**Gerry:** hows aussie gertrude:)

**Head Archivist:** Hot. Annoyingly so. But I have found a few, already.

**Gerry:** to the surprise of no one

**Gerry:** with my knowledge and your skill we're unstoppable

**Sugar baby:** That's why I killed you.

**Gerry:** that's why elias killed me

**Gerry:** :/ i dont like you

**Sugar baby:** I'm not fond of any of you.

**Head Archivist:** Okay boomer.

\--

**Head Archivist:** Oh. You  _ do _ have sex tapes, huh.

**Gerry:** im sick of crying. tired of trying. yeah im smiling but on the inside im dying

**Vastly Horny:** I literally told yall but okii

**Head Archivist:** Well, Simon, I didn't think  _ Jonah fucking Magnus  _ would be stupid enough to leave them lying around.

**Gerry:** you shouldve!

**Vastly Horny:** ^^

**Sea man:** you found what

**Sea man:** im. Sorry you fo und  _ what _

**Sugar baby:** Hm. 

**Gerry:** elias drop your onlyfans

**Vastly Horny:** 👀👀👀

**Sugar baby:** I do  _ NOT  _ have an onlyfans.

**Gerry:** ok onlyfans user lonelyeyes

**Sugar baby:** I'm hiring an exorcist.

**Gerry:** try it bitch i cant die!

**Gerry:** again

\--

**Vastly Horny:** peter do you ever remember your failure of a ritual

**Sea man:** I.m so sick of youu

**Vastly Horny:** got fucked over because of  _ newspaper _

**Sea man:** the world is cruel but you are crueler simon fairchild 

**Vastly Horny:** i know😃

\--

**Head Archivist:** This chat is so fucking dry. Why do we even have it.

**Gerry:** friends to enemies to lovers to enemies slow burn 500k heavy angst major character death

**Head Archivist:** Bold of you to assume you're a main character, Gerry.

**Gerry:** bold of you to assume i meant me

**Vastly Horny:** are you saying Gertrude and Elias fucked

**Gerry:** yes

**Gerry:** or will fuck

**Sugar baby:** I wish I savored killing you more.

**Head Archivist:** I wish I was the one who did it.

**Gerry:** yall are RUDE

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- ok one. wh. where are all you new people coming from. who linked my fic. istg. (not that i dont love yall i do but I am so confused)
> 
> -two heyyoooo discord hours heres da link😳https://discord.gg/HuRH4jK
> 
> \- no seriously please join i wanna vibe with yall
> 
> \- does ao3 have a messaging system? it should
> 
> \- this specific chat (which i am now dubbing Bastards Incarnate) will definitely appear the least but, like, bully Elias hours my guys
> 
> \- this is also much more choppy then my usual chapters uhh you see the reason is [REDACTED] yanno
> 
> \- how is jurgen in a chat with elias? the eye doesnt care enough to tell elias where he is. next.
> 
> \- gerrymichael. yes gerry is a ghost. yes he is simply vibing. and.


	16. uh oh! cringe alert! you have five seconds to delete your message before I delete you

**TS:** why is brit food  _ so fucking bland _

**TS:** like these fucks dont even use SALT!

**TS:** oh oh my good fellow  _ salt? Salt???  _ Oh no, nono! Not for this fine dinner of *squints* bread lightly toasted with beans!

**SJ:** ok yr rite but who puts. Salt. On toast and beans

**TS:** WHO EATS TOAST AND BEANS IN GENERAL????

**SJ:** murderers

**MB:** .

**TS:** MARTIN YOU WHITE GIRL ENERGY BRITISH BITCH

**MB:** LISTEN

**TS:** CAN YOU EVEN HANDLE A SPICY CHICKEN FROM MCDONALDS?

**MB:** THATS NOT THE POINT

**TS:** IT IS SO THE POINT

\--

**AC:** is cantaloupe meant to make you feel weird

**MB:** what does that. Mean.

**AC:** cantaloupe spicy on tongue

**AC:** my throat feels weird?

**AC:** itchy

**TS:** .

**TS:** youre having an allergic reaction?

**AC:** Im WHAT.

**TS:** yeah annabelle thats a small allergic reaction

**AC:** oh.

**AC:** 😀neat

**TS:** exhibit A for why being an avatar does NOT stop you from being dumb as hell!

**SJ:** HEY.

**TS:** sash, babe, if you thought I meant you, theres an issue.

**SJ:** f

**SJ:** well fuck

\--

**SJ:** why are frogs built like that

**HR:** t h...eee y. Aare. Friend dsed shsaoped. Sasha.

**SJ:** … yeah but still

**TS:** sasha are you frogphobic

**SJ:** perhaps

**TS:** no!!!

**MB:** NO!!!!

**MK:** Sasha we were all rooting for you…

**SJ:** theyre ugly

**AC:** why would you do this to me. This is both arachnophobia and homophobia.

**SJ:** how is it arachnophobia 

**AC:** I'm a spider and that was a hate crime

**SJ:** WHY DO YOU GUYS LIKE THEM

**MK:** THEYRE FRIEND SHAPED SASHA

**SJ:** THEY ARE HIDEOUS

**MK:** FUCK YOU

\--

**MK:** if I cant heely away from my problems are they problems worth having

**AC:** no

**MB:** yes because we're all dynamic people who have to deal with tough shit at times? Its not all sunshine and rainbows?

**TS:** no

**MK:** exactly

**SJ:** problems are stupid as shit! why the hell they exist! why can i not live in my perfect simulation world with no issues???

**MK:** THATS WHAT IM SAYING!!

**MK:** problems are bullshit all i know is eat chip, heely, charge my phone, and lie

**MK:** i also know how to kill a man in more ways then you could imagine

**SJ:** kill elias.

**MK:** paypal me 5 dollars and bet

**SJ:** we live in london

**MK:** and. I wanna flex amercian money

**SJ:** its not even physical cash?????????

**MK:** _and_

\--

**SJ:** hate that im saying this but. Frogs arent that bad i fuckibg guess

**MB:** top 10 redemption arcs you didnt see coming

**MK:** finally. Youve seen the light. Im so proud

**SJ:** shut up with that weird ass cult shit goddamn no Michael just took me out and made me hold one for ten minutes

**SJ:** its?ok.

**MB:** holding frogs is a religious experience

**MK:** 🐸 🐸 🐸

**SJ:** Stop.

**MB:** no

**AC:** frogs good

**AC:** sasha say frogs are good

**SJ:** Frogs are good.

**SJ:** ANNABELLE

**AC:** AOSNAIMAIW

\--

**GK** joined the chat!

**SJ:** wh

**GK:** hellooooooooo

**SJ:** _wh_

**GK:** the names gerry:)

**SJ:** … Sasha. Sasha James.

**TS:** ok james bond

**SJ:** my anger for you is unbeatable and truly i wish i never agreed to our first date

**TS:** you never say this shit to martin or jon istg

**SJ:** because martin and jon do not inflict the rage that bubbles in my veins every time i see you

**TS:** love u 2 smh

**SJ:** <3<3

**TS:** hey im Tim Stoker whats up

**GK:** i know who yall are?

**GK:** you just dont know who _ i  _ am!

**TS:** cryptic. Cool.

**SJ:** ???? Thats not fucking ominous at all

**GK:** :)

**GK:** Im dead dumbasses

**MB:** HUH

**MK:** *'nam flashbacks*

**MK:** g.g. ghost gun.

**GK:** i  _ do  _ have a gun but no

**HR:** Gerry!!!!!!!

**GK:** michael?

**HR:** yeah!

**HR:** dont lie to them you dont have a gun

**GK:** i  _ did _

**HR:** past tense?

**GK:** … past tense

**HR:** Smh exactly

**TS:** holy shit Michael you can type???like a human???

**SJ:** TIM,,,,

**HR:** sh h h ut. U.ppp t ikm.

**TS:** tikm

**HR:** y y. Y e s

**MB:** my loving boyfriend tikm stonker

**GK:** ok but ffrrrrrrr!!I have information :)

**MK:** oh spill the tea sis

**MB:** ill kill you

**MK:** fair

**MK:** put the tea in a hydroflask sis!

**GK:** terrible, I hate it, thanks

**GK:** anyway

**GK:** i saw jon(?thats his name right) microwave. Watermelon.

**GK:** so actually this is more of a warning but

**GK:** if you dont kill him i will

**MB:** he what.

**MB:** he  _ what _

**MB:** my watermelon……………..

**MK:** oh microwaved watermelon hits

**MB:** it what.

**MK:** Its good

**MK:** slaps

**MK:** iconic

**MB:** stop speaking

**MK:** its fantastic

**MK:** juicy

**MB:** _stop._

**MK:** m o i s t

**MB:** STOP

**MK:** double cheeked up on a Sunday afternoon

**MK:** its so easy to just let it consume  _ you _

**MK:** the way the juice is warm.. Mmm…

**MB:** blocked blocked blocked blocked blocked

**MK:** its superior and  _ devilishly satisfactory _

**MB:** Sasha mute her please please please please

**SJ:** no this is so fucking funyy

**MB:** S A S H A ,,,

**MK:** everytime i have it it makes me so passionate

**MK:** its  _ delectable _

**MK:** it gets me all hot and bothered even thinking about it….

**MB:** ARW YOU SAYUNG MICROWAVED WATERMELON MAKES YOU HORNY?????????????????????????????

**MK:** maybe so

**MB:** WHO HURT YOU.

**GK:** hmm

**GK:** yeah no id rather deal with elias

**MK:** god did

**HR:** babe:(

**GK:** yeeee ah ill come hang in a min

**MB:** THAT DOESNT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DO THIS

**HR:** woo<3<3

**GK** left the chat

**SJ:** hed rather. Deal with elias. This is the worst pain ive ever felt

**MB:** ITS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT MUTING HER

**MK:** dont silence the people marto

**MB:** _SOMETIMES THE PEOPLE NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!_

\--

**TS:** ok.  _ Grilled _ watermelon hits different though

**SJ:** YEAHHHHHHH it does

**MB:** can we make w*termelon a filtered word I cant do this anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Annabelle is me literally because my realization that. Oh. Oh my god im almost defintely allergic to cantaloupe. Fuck.
> 
> \- melanie was joking. she is NOT horny for watermelon she just wants martin dead
> 
> \- michael sees gerry goes oh what are big hands:) and can type normally do not ask me why (or do but brain immediately said smthn lowkey sad so)
> 
> \- adding the discord link again because might as well put it in all the future chapters starting now. its a fucking vibe yall hang with the clown town 2: in real life this time (we're so unhinged cmon join the fae) https://discord.gg/HuRH4jK (also also also. will. eli. i. I rechecked the first chapter of when web gang appears and they. Call both martin and melanie by their names.please get braincells love yall💔)
> 
> \- on the same note heres heres some socials of mine if yall wanna watch me spiral into a hellscape😀 dm me lets chat owo?😳
> 
> Twt: EyeMug
> 
> Ig: ChaoticallyAnnoying 
> 
> Discord: 👁👁 e y e s.👁👁#1263
> 
> that's it spam me with tma memes<3


	17. game night p1 of the rest of this fic (kidding. Maybe)

**MK:** this is not the day

**MK:** this isn't the YEAR

**Jonny:** Existence is a prison, we know.

**MK:** YOU DONT…………

**MK:** elias just asked me if he could join gamw night

**SJ:** NOOOOOOOO

**TS:** m

**TS:** Melanie you said no?right?Melanie you said no right.

**MK:** WAS I JUST MEANT TO TELL OUR BOSS NO YOU CANT WE HATE YOU?

**TS:** yes

**MB:** yes?????

**Jonny:** I hate everything you just said!

**MK:** i said yes

**SJ:** MELANIE

**TS:** FUCK

\--

**Nikki:** Am I Invited To Your Bastard Archive Game Night Or Are You Cowards!

**Jonny:** Kill our boss!

**Nikki:** Bet!

**SJ:** god nikola  _ pleaaseeeeeee _

**TS:** For legal reasons i cannot say kill our boss but also for legal reason he lives in the archives on the 5th floor in the room thats noted  _ empty do not open _

**SJ:** HE WHAT

**Nikki:** )))))))))

**MB:** tim how do u. Know that.

**TS:** Thats where he holds his meetings

**SJ:** NO??????????? HE DOES THAT IN HIS OFFICE ON THE FIRST FLOOR????

**TS:** n

**TS:** no??

**Jonny:** Tim, yes.

**TS:** WHAT.

**MK:** HQNSI2NEI????????????

**TS:** I

**TS:** I need a min.

**SJ:** I NEED CONTEXT????????

**Georgie:** he tryna get some

**TS:** I NEED. A MINUTE.

\--

**Georgie:** who was gonna man up and tell me that ice cream in coffee as a sub for milk fucks

**Jonny:** Georgie, I can't do this again.

**Georgie:** WHO

**Jonny:** Georgie  _ please. _

**MK:** babe! loml! the star that leads me home! What! The fuck!

**Georgie:** its good

**TS:** YOU DO THAT TOO??? FUCK YEAH MLM & WLW SOLIDARITY

**Georgie:** HELL YEAH

**Jonny:** This is the worst thing I've ever heard. I hate it here.

**MK:** god wlw & mlm solidarity v2 im leaving

**Jonny:** I'm packing my little sack and running away! I simply cannot take it in these conditions anymore. Melanie let's go to Scotland together.

**MK:** Fuck yeah

**MK:** also are they. Blizzard conditions?

**Jonny:** Melanie not only is the Scotland trip cancelled but now I will be hunting you for sport.

**MK:** valid

\--

**SJ:** what games r we even playing 2nite

**MK:** UNO

**Jonny:** Absolutely not, Risk.

**TS:** COSMIC ENCOUNTERS 

**MB:** that's just fantasy risk tho???

**MB:** also CAH duh

**Jonny:** Martin, love, absolutely not.

**TS:** THEY R NOT THE SAME WDYMMMMMMMM

**MB:** I'll die on this hill dont test me

**Jonny:** >:( Then perish.

**Georgie:** I cant come but play exploding kittens in my absence

**Jonny:** Of course.

**Georgie:** also livetweet it

**Jonny:** Again, of course.

**Ollie:** we're playing candyland

**HR:** seconded

**Jonny:** … Why.

**Ollie:** it's fun you depressing asshole

**SJ:** let's do scrabble

**Jonny:** Yes.

**TS:** absolutely NOT

**Jonny:** Also. Oliver.

**Jonny:** Says the fucking End Avatar.

**Ollie:** and???im right next

**MD:** lee e e rtts. Pl. Aay. Li f f ee

**HR:** hmmmmm!!!absolutely not I hate you

**Daisy:** MARIO KART

**SJ:** SECONDED

**Jonny:** Oh, hell yeah.

**Basi:** Not a game, but, if we don't do Karaoke, I will kill all of you.

**MK:** oh hell yeah

**MB:** fuck YES

\--

**SJ:** tims wardrobe is simply booty shorts and hawaiian shirts! Thats it

**HR:** me 🤝 Tim

**HR:** all we wear outside work is an offense against god + hawaiian shirts

**HR:** do Not disrespect hawaiian shirts

**TS:** THANK YOU HELEN finally someone appreciates my top tier looks

**HR:** of course king!:^] 

\--

**MK:** timothy jonathan if you are going to makeout do not do it in the break room thank u😐🔪

**TS:** ARE YOU THE ONE WHO THREW THE WATER BOTTLEHABSJWBEIE

**MK:** YES BC IM FUCKING TRAUMATIZED I DIDNT NEED TO SEE THAT SHIT!!!!!!!

**SJ:** shawty 

**MB:** got them apple bottom jeans (jeans) boots with the fur (with the fur)

**Georgie:** like a melody in my head

**Georgie:** .

**MB:** .

**SJ:** annabelle pay up I told you

**AC:** fuck you actually I hate it 

**MB:** anyway how do we feel about sherlock guys

**Jonny:** SHERLOCK?

**MB:** yeah

**Georgie:** its ok ig hits different when ur drunk

**Jonny:** i cannot explain the rage that fills my body when you mention the word Sherlock i hate that show so SO much bendydick cumbersome is truly one of the most annoying people ive ever seen all they do is go Ohhhhh oh watson lets ignore our sexual tension that the writers will never acknowledge but leave hints about in canon so the rabid fucking fangirls can call us theit otp and sin babies uwu and let me call you a fucking idiot for forgetting and or missing the smallest fucking thing that then leads us to the killer who was *gasp* the baker all along oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Jonny:** god damn Sherlock Holmes i hate that man so FUCKINH much oh im a detective oh i pretend to  _ die _ for the Funzies

**Jonny:** MOTHERFUCKER I  _ DID _ DIE

**Jonny:** SHIT AINT FUN

**Jonny:** if you ever have or ever will enjoy Sherlock i want you to look me dead in the eyes and tell me the rest of your sins because surely they are NOTHING in comparison

**Jonny:** Elias could tell me right here right now hes actually a 200yo who kills people and wants me to start the end times and ALSO that he watched sherlock and loved it and the latter would be all i would focus on

**Jonny:** GOD COULD COME DOWN AND TELL ME SHERLOCK IS A GOOD SHOW AND I WOULD SPIT IN THEIR FACE AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

**Jonny:** the only thing that continues to fuel me is my burning fucking hatred for sherlock

**Jonny:** stupid fucking idiot Sherlock dumbass little detective boy fucking magnifying glass boy stupid dumb little bastard

**Jonny:** also what the FUCK can Sherlock do oh no he has a  _ gun!! _ I HAVE EYE POWERS NEXT! all he does is wear that stupid little hat and everyone who watches shouts go gay boy go

**Georgie:** JON????

**Jonny:** GOD

**Jonny:** Sherlock is why im homophobic <3

**Nikki:** This Is So Fucking Funny Jon Are You Okay!! Are You Fucking Okay!!

**Jonny:** Sherlock is why im homophobic <3

**Nikki:** Okay! Carry On I Fucking Guess

**SJ:** jon youre bi and trans

**Jonny:** and.

**SJ:** fair point 

\--

**Daisy:** no thoughts only hey you dont you think its kinda cute that I died right inside your arms tonight

**Daisy:** because im fine even after I had died because it was in your arms i died

**Daisy:** you eved just

**Daisy:** ?

**TS:** rt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. it's me. I'm not dead. i feel like it. but y'all can't get rid of me that easily. 
> 
> anywayy hey gang what's up how've ya been hows the misses. da wife. I am so sleep deprived. no thoughts simply my dnd ocs 
> 
> \- if yall are actually coming from tiktok this time bc tma tiktok found this fic hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to post like twice a day but my brain slow now I deeply apologize 
> 
> \- this is p1 of three:) dw eli you'll get your elias kick
> 
> \- does this make up for last chapter. probably not anywayyyyy
> 
> \- Eli & me on the discord: STOP THE FUCKING FOOD DISCOURSE PLEASE IM SO TIRED...
> 
> Also me & Eli: hehee heres some terrible food hcs😌
> 
> \- Melanie 🤝 Georgie
> 
> Loving each other and having horrific taste
> 
> -sherlock . British and bad. only show. have not read book yet. will update
> 
> -trans jon trans jon trans jon!!!!!!thank you goodnight


	18. ay yo dj turn this shit up!!!!!! *blasts KK slider* FUCK yeah!!!!!!!!!1

**MK** added 10+ people to the chat!

**MK:** game night chat

**Elias:** Huh.

**Jonny:** Hate it, thanks.

**MK:** I'm not dm-ing you all individually. Game night chat

**Jonny:** Hate it! Thanks!

**MK:** ur welcome lollllllll

**SJ:** melanie Why

**MK:** god gave me these hands if it's such a problem HE should come and rip them off himself

**AC:** I can do that for you melanie::::)

**MK:** no thank u💖

**Gertrude** changed  **Elias** 's name to  **Sugar baby** !

**Sugar baby:** Oh you fucking  _ hag. _

**Gertrude:** Whore.

**Sugar baby:** I'll kill you. I will fucking kill you.

**Gerry:** melanie howd you get my number:)

**MK:** michael

**Gerry:** ah:)

**Jonny:** Melanie. Why.

**MK:** read up loser

**Jonny:** _Why._

**Georgie:** thrives off of chaos

**MK:** that is NOT true

**Georgie:** :|

**MK:** that is  _ slightly _ true

\--

**SJ:** what kind of pizza does everyone want?

**Gerry:** hawaiian no question

**Sugar baby:** Why am I not shocked you have terrible taste in food?

**Sugar baby:** Wait.

**Sugar baby:** Aren't you fucking _ dead? _ How the hell would you even eat it?

**Gerry:** spite next question elias

**Sugar baby:** I hate you.

**Gerry:** xoxo 

**SJ:** … so one Hawaiian?

**Gertrude:** Yes, along with a meat lovers, thank you, Sasha, dear.

**Gerry:** ur a lesbian but u like meat?????????? Okkkkkkk

**Gertrude:** God I wish burning the book worked.

**Gerry:** rt lolz

**Sugar baby:** Sasha. If you wish to keep your job. Do not order pineapple pizza. I mean this.

**SJ:** Wait you’ll fire me if I order it?

**SJ:** I’m ordering twenty.

**Sugar baby:** Beholding fucking. Fucking hell. No. I will demote you. Have fun scrubbing the walls.

**SJ** ,..............................fucuck,,,..,,.

**Gerry:** ill order it lmaooo what u gonna do elias? kill me again? didnt stick last time sir!!!

**Sugar baby:** God.

**Simon:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Simon:** oh wowzzz my user is so,., Bland……

**Gerry:** u saying u miss Vastly Horny?

**Gerry:** you miss Vastly Horny, simon?

**Simon:** what if i do!

**Gerry:** stop

**Simon:** no

\--

**MK:** sasha buy stuff for tonight

**SJ:** no

**SJ:** what do you need

**MK:** ok well we need a lot actually

**MK:** like basically everything ill dm u n tim

**MB:** i can get shit melanie

**MK:** the only people in polychives w/ braincells is sasha and tim martin

**MK:** fully convinced you or jon would like, forget the food or smthn

**MB:** rude

**Jonny:** But fair I probably would. 

**MK:** i know.

**MK:** five months ago.

**Jonny:** Fuck you.

**MK:** m8 im a lesbian

**Jonny:** You make me so fucking angry? Holy shit. Holy shit. I cannot  _ believe _ I have to associate with you. Every day I think to myself, oh, Melanie can’t be worse then she was yesterday! And, wow! You shock me every single time! Should I say good job? Should I, Melanie? Oh my god!

**Jonny:** Is this god's weak willed attempt at getting me to repent? Sorry, fucker! Try harder! This does nothing make me want to commit more sins so I don’t have to end up wherever the fuck you’re going!

**Jonny:** Maybe this should make me want to become a better person. Because god knows you have no fucking potential. 

**MK:** GYUYG&YTGFY&*UYH

**MK:** valid

\--

**Nikki:** Hello! What The Hell And Fuck Is This Everyone?

**MK:** game night chat

**Nikki:** Why!

**MK:** because id rather die then dm everybody one on one

**Nikki:** That's A Coward's Death, Melz!

**MK:** ok nd?

**Nikki:** … Valid! I Guess.

**Simon:** nikola???????? Clown avatar????????

**Nikki:** Yeah

**Simon:** ah fantastic big fan im sure you know who i am

**Nikki:** I Have No Fucking Clue!

**Simon:** … fairchild? Vast avatars? Well known? Im simon? Debatably the most well known out of the family??

**Nikki:** You Say That Like It’s Meant To Ring Any Bells! My Brain Is A Void With Few People In It And You Are Not One Of Them!))))

**Ollie:** go off nik

**Nikki:** ? I Am Simply Telling The Truth, Oliver!

**Ollie:** oh thats funnier

**Ollie:** do you know any avatars off the top of your head? one that you dont personally know?

**Nikki:** Isn’t There One Called Mich

**Nikki:** Hitch? No

**Nikki:** Millie? Wait No Fuck

**Nikki:** Has An M

**Nikki:** M

**Nikki:** Fuck!!!

**Nikki:** Michael

**Nikki:** MIKE

**Nikki:** That’s It!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!!!!

**Nikki:** Mike Scar Boy

**Nikki:** Him

**Ollie:** yeah ok valid

**Simon:** my!?????????my sugar baby??????///

**Nikki:** Your  _ What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your Fucking What!!!!!!!!!! _

\--

**TS:** you ever wanna get rawed by mothman

**MK:** yea

**SJ:** yeah

**MB:** duh

**Gerry:** yeh

**Jonny:** I would like to hold his hand and give him a kiss.

**Daisy:** ^^

**Basi:** The man is soft and warm and would love me. No hetero though.

**Nikki:** I Would Vibe With Him Yes

**MD:** kkkkiinggb ss shit

**Sugar baby:** What the fuck.

**Gerry:** watch your mouth bitchard

**Sugar baby:** Mothman? A  _ moth? _ You all want to fuck a  _ moth? _

**TS:** and

**Gertrude:** The moth fucks, Jonah. The moth fucks.

**Gerry:** mlm and wlw solidarity

**Gertrude:** No.

**Gerry:** ok smh sorry mom u old hag

\--

**Daisy:** the sun bleeds and the moon cries and im just sitting here watching the days go by. I cannot move my arms I cannot move my legs I am stuck stuck stuck watching watching watching. the time passes and stands still in the same moment. its been years. its been a second. its been nothing. its been everything. the world is on my shoulders and nobody seems to an eye. im so tired

**Basi:** ????????????????????/

**Basi:** Daisy. What.

**Daisy:** the store is out of my favorite jam:(

\--

**AC:** favorite animal crossing characters go

**AC:** mine is blathers::::)

**TS:** lucky duh

**SJ:** im a basic bitch so raymond

**MB:** tommy and timmy

**Plukas:** I am. Ffondd Ofd Tokmm Nookkk’

**Gertrude:** Of course you are. Fucking landlord.

**Gerry:** stinky landlord man

**Gerry:** oh also cherry babeyyyyyyy

**Sugar baby:** I have not played it, but I quite enjoy the fox one. Red?

**MK:** god of course you like redd 

**MK:** kicks btw!!!!!!!!

**Jonny:** Whitney.

**MB:** whitney???????????? Why i hate her

**Jonny:** That’s so mean. :( What did she do to you. :(

**MB:** exist

**NIkki:** That One Clown Cat They Didn’t Release

**Daisy:** the hippie dog

**Basi:** del!

**HR:** SHERB:^]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

**MD:** gay ff rr oggg

**Gerry:** which 1 babe

**MD:** tad smh

**Gerry:** oh what a funky lil shit I love him nice

**Ollie:** ,....... Ive never played ac

**MK:** HOW

**Jonny:** Oliver, noooooo.

**Ollie:** im not that gay

**Jonny:** Oh that is so debatable.

**Ollie:** i am NOT an ac gay

**Ollie:** never. Never.

**SJ:** oliver its so fun

**Ollie:** its small little animals who do jackshit! that does not sound fun to me

**Jonny:** im heartbroken

**Ollie:** then die

\--

**TS:** melanie:))))))

**MK:** god fucking damn it what happened

**TS:** we forgot the um

**TS:** the food

**MK:** :)

**MK:** you  _ WHAT _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nobody: 
> 
> me: doesn't update ever
> 
> sorry gang ! life has been wild also I have no inspiration anymore HABSKWNWISB and then on top of that I feel like I have to keep this fic somewhat decent because I have Issues When It Comes To Quality Once I've Set A Standard For Myself❤ I do already have p3 finished though! I'll post that like 2pm my time or smthn:3c
> 
> \- unrelated but soul eater fucks! maka and soul wlw & mlm solidarity on main and i for one love them for it. actually. all the teams r wlw & mlm solidarity. i will not be taking questions at this time. 
> 
> \- whitney animal crossing im love u
> 
> \- this did not include as much game night game night as i would have wished oh well its 3am im not adding more


	19. Georgie is simply the life of the party.

Incoming call from:  **podcaster** !

Call accepted!

**J:** _Georgie._

**G:** _Jon._

**J:** [Sighs] Aren't you meant to be  _ working? _

**G:** I'm actually done already! I'm just processing them and then I gotta edit. Anywayy, what's goin' on? Who's winning.

**J:** [Sarcastically] God.

**G:** Good for her! Good for her.

**J:** Genuinely, though, I'm not sure, I'm picking up some last minute stuff Sasha and Tim forgot.

**G:** [Cooing] Aww! What a good boyfriend.

**J:** I'll kill you.

**G:** I'd like to see you try! 

**G:** What'd they forget, though? The food?

**J:** Yes.

**G:** …

**G:** Jonathan, you're joking, right. 

**J:** God I wish I was.

**G:** The  _ food?!  _ The food. How. How do you - I.

**J:** _I don't know._

**G:** [Muffled laughter] That checks out. Avatar of The Eye and you don't know.

**J:** [Groaning] Shuttt uppp.

**G:** [More laughter] Oh, never!

**J:** [Stern] Georgina. [Breaks into soft laughs]

**G:** [Stern]  _ Jonathan. _

**G & J:** [Laughing]

**G:** We're so fucking stupid,

**J:** Yes, that does indeed check out.

**G:** Oh hush up you goddamn English major! [Mimicking Jon's accent] Ohh, I'm Jon! I'm a twink with no sense of self-care but I  _ can _ say 'I suppose' all the time!

**J:** I do  _ not _ sound like that.

**G:** Oh you  _ so _ sound like that.

**J:** I hate you.

**G:** No 'ya don't.

**J:** [Fondly] No, I don't.

**G:** Pick up and drop off some crisps for me, will 'ya?

**J:** Cash App me a 20 first.

**G:** Oh, fuck you!

**J:** [Deadpan] I'm ace, actually.

**G:** Bane of my goddamn existence, you are.

**J:** Oh, that's a high compliment!

**G:** _Fucker-_

**J:** What kind, though? The crisps.

**G:** [Pause]

**G:** Doritos, duh.

**J:** Alright, got them.

**G:** Have I ever told you how much I love you?

**J:** Not recently, no.

**G:** [Giggling] Good.

**J:** [Offended] Geo _ rgie! _

**G:** J _ on! _

**J:** I am in  _ full power _ of putting these bastards back, you know.

**G:** [Gasps] No Doritos for Georgie?

**J:** No Doritos for Georgie.

**G:** You  _ wouldn't. _

**J:** Why not?

**G:** Because you ll _ ovveeee _ m-

Call ended!

\--

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call accepted!

**G:** Jonathan Sims? Calling me? Really? I'm so - what the fuck is that noise.

[Loud crashing is audibly heard over the call, along with screaming]

**J:** Georgie, come pick me up, I'm scared.

**G:** Did you summon a demon? What the fuck!

**J:** Yeah, the demon's name is Nikola and Simon Fairchild interacting.

**G:** Ooohhh…

**G:** Oh  _ no. _

**J:** Exactly.

**G:** Yeah, can't help you there.

**J:** GEORGIE -

**G:** Sorry Jon! You're cutting out! Call me again later?

**J:** I GOT YOU CRISPS  _ PLEASE _ -

Call ended!

\--

Incoming call from;  **HHBGbb vb#$%^ &*(j hjnmnbbn@#$%^&*9)(*&%$#**

Call accepted! 

**G:** _Hewwo?_ Georgie Barker Speaking!

**NT:** [Low shuffling, a crash, soft noise}

**G:** Helllooooo? Jonny boi? Melanie? Y’all pranking me? Fuckers.

**NT:** [The noise becomes louder, faint footsteps can be heard]

**G:** What the fuck?

**NT:** [Thud, a creaking noise, like a window opening. Music and yelling filters in]

**G:** Jon? Nikola? Seriously, it’s been like five minutes, hurry up, what’s the punchline.

**NT:** _ Kill. Elias. _

**G:** [Pause]

**G:** Not Nik or Jon, got it, coolio.

**NT:** _Keeps me. Locked up. Annoying. Kill him._

**G:** … Me kill him, or you?

**NT:** [Low snarl]  _ Yes. _

**G:** Hm.

**G:** Neat.

**G:** Good plan.

**G:** Why’d you call me.

**G:** How do you have a phone? You’re a demon, aren’t you?

**NT:** _You not know me._

**G:** I gathered that, yes.

**NT:** _I know you. Georgie._

**G:** I mean, god, I hope you do. What if you just called a random ass number? Damn.

**NT:** _… Friend gave me phone._

**G:** Ah. Gotcha.

**NT:** _… Only you can help. Others too close to The Eye._

**G:** Oliver Banks? Nikola, avatar of The Stranger? Daisy, The Hunt avatar? I’m by far not the only one.

**NT:** _… Podcast funny._

**G:** I’m talking to a  _ fan!? _ Oh, well, that changes everything!

**NT:** [Pause]

**NT:** _ Does? _

**G:** [Pause]

**G:** Not really! But fuck it, let’s link up, I’ll help you.

**NT:** _Yes._

**G:** I assume you somehow know my addy because… weird Entity shit?

**NT:** [Questioning tone]  _ No? _

**G:** Really? Damn, that’s a first. How about… we meet at the cafe near MAG next Thursday? Hella busy outside of that, podcaster life am I right.

**NT:** _Okay!_

Call ended!

\--

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call declined!

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call declined!

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call declined!

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call declined!

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call accepted!

**G:** Fine you  _ bastard _ , what do you  _ want? _

**J:** I'll buy you whatever take out you want for the next week just,  _ please _ help.

**G:** The whole week?

**J:** Yes!

**G:** _Hmm._

**J:** [Desperately] Georgie, please,

**G:** Fine.

**G:** I'll come break up game night. I'll be the bad guy, you little baby.

**J:** [Hissing] They're scary!

**G:** You're an  _ Avatar, _ Jonathan.

**J:** They could kill me by looking at me.

**G:** [Pause]

**G:** Fair.

**G:** You want me to bring more food?

**J:** Yes.

**G:** I'll grab Indian.

**J:** Lifesaver, Georgina. You're a lifesaver.

**G:** Oh, I know.  _ I know. _

Call ended!

\--

Incoming call from:  **cutie with a knife💖💞**

Call accepted!

**M:** Georgieeeeeeee,

**G:** Melanieeeeeeeeeeee,

**G:** Yeah, babe?

**M:** Here. 

[A click, then shuffling as the phone is put down]

**G:** Nani the fuck.

**Nikola:** [Muffled] SIMON PUT DOWN THE FUCKING UNO SHUFFLER YOU MOTHERFUCKER. I'LL SKIN YOU I SWEAR TO GOD!

**G:** _Oooohhhhhh._

**G:** Thanks babe.

**M:** [Muffled] TIM  _ WHERE _ IS MY MONOPOLY PIECE YOU FUCKER.

**Tim:** [Muffled] UP YOUR ASS MELANIE!

**M:** [Muffled] OH I'LL SHOW YOU "UP YOUR ASS" TIMOTHY! C'MERE DON'T BE FUCKING SHY -

**Tim:** [Muffled] FIGHT ME!

**M:** [Muffled] BET!

[A crash, thuds, and, somehow, more screaming]

**Jon:** [Muffled, shaky] This is hell.

**Sasha:** [Muffled, cackling] GOD, RETWEET.

**Gerry:** [Muffled, wispy] What the fuck is an oh double u oh?

**Oliver:** [Muffled] Owo? 

**Michael:** [Muffled, distorted] S - stop i -  _ t. _ No - no f - urry s - shit on my serv _ er. _

**Oliver:** [Muffled] Fair.

**Elias:** [Muffled] DID YOU JUST PLAY FIVE FUCKING PLUS FOURS ON ME?

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] That's the way the game is played, Jonah.

**Elias:** [Muffled]  _ Elias. _

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] Jonah.

**Elias:** [Muffled]  _ Elias! _

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] Jonah!

**Elias:** [Muffled, a thud that sounds akin to skin on wood]  _ ELIAS _ .

**Gertrude:** [Muffled, another thud, also akin to skin on wood] FUCKING.  _ JONAH _ .

**Elias:** [Muffled] OLD HAG!

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] TWO HUNDRED YEARS OLD AND YET YOU REALLY CAN'T TAKE SHIT BACK HUH?

**Elias:** [Muffled] SHUT THE FUCK UP!

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] YOU FIRST YOU ASSHOLE!

**G:** [Whispering] What the fuck is going on.

**Simon:** [Muffled] Listen, Nikola, darling, what I’m saying is The Vast is simply superior to The Strang-

**Nikola:** [Muffled, cackling] THE VAST? BETTER THAN  _ THE STRANGER? _ PLEASE, DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH! 

**Simon:** [Muffled, aggravated] IT IS!

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] JONAH MAGNUS IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY NOTEBOOK ONE MORE TIME -

**Elias:** [Muffled] WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, GERTRUDE?  _ KILL ME? _

**Gertrude:** [Muffled] I JUST FUCKING MIGHT! 

**Tim:** [Muffled] Hey, hey Sash? Absolutely not.

**Sasha:** [Muffled]  _ All _ I'm asking is which US president you kin! That's not a hard question!

**Agnes:** [Muffled] I kin JFK, because I  _ will _ be murdered.

**Gerry:** [Muffled] Hey! Fuck off! I kin JFK because I  _ was _ murdered!

**G:** Oh, oh fuck no.

Call ended!

\--

Incoming call from:  **cutie with a knife💖💞**

Call declined!

Incoming call from:  **loml but like platonically** !

Call accepted!

**G:** Jon? I'm almost there, give me a second.

**J:** Helen just vibe checked Elias.

**G:** I'm, I'm sorry, what.

**J:** Just fucking, ended him,

**G:** As she should.

**J:** _True_. But, point is, Daisy started laughing, which made Peter hit _her_ ,

**G:** Bastard.

**J:** Correct.

**J:** But, point is, it all, kinda, turned into a brawl?

**G:** … Jon, are you  _ hiding? _

**J:** Yes, I'm hiding!

**G:** [Laughing]  _ Wimp _ !

**J:** I'm a twig, Georgina!

**G:** Oh so now you admit it?!

**J:** Yes, fine, sure! Just! 

**G:** Do not "mom pick me up I'm scared" me, Jon. Do not.

**J:** [Laughing] Mom, pick me up, I'm scared.

**G:** [Long, pained sigh] Fucking fine. I'm basically outside anyway.

**J:** Fuck yeah!

**J:** Wait, oh god, oh god,

**G:** Jon?

**J:** [Nervously] Heyyy, Agnes!

**G:** [Snorting] Oh.

**J:** We're, we're still cool, yeah?

**Agnes:** [Muffled, deadpan] You beat me in Monopoly.

**J:** [Nervously] A… aha, well, y'know, that's just, uh, well,

**G:** [Still laughing] Run, dumbass.

Call ended!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk man this call system kinda fun lemme know what yall think <3 the final installment of the game night series! unless I make a v2. not in the works, though.
> 
> \- NT is the not them, yes! adding in context for the final chapter. whenever i write it. i like to think when they arent using a body their vocal cords are fucked, so they have to use faster language, why many word when few do trick type beat yanno
> 
> \- Georgie, after the Not Them hangs up on her: rude. i liked the company. anyway time to ignore jon calling me on repeat
> 
> -uhhh gay rights now wait like a month for c20🤩🤩 love my brain


	20. hey. hey guys. what do you. what do you call Michael distortion if he was in skyrim. M. michael. michael disnordtion. dont worry I'm leaving on my own

**SJ:** okay sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**SJ:** fursonas anyone?

**Nikki:** Oh?

**Basi:** No.

**Nikki:** Yes

**Basi:** Hey, hey Nikola? Absolutely not.

**SJ:** ha too bad anyway im a wolf.

**SJ:** nik u have fox vibes

**Nikki:** It's The Screaming

**SJ:** yea

**SJ:** basira

**Basi:** What did I do to deserve this? Genuinely? What god did I anger? 

**SJ:** there is no god here anyway I'm thinking cat? mayb?

**Basi:** The rage in my bones is unexplainable, Sasha.

**SJ:** :}}

**SJ:** jon ur a moth

**Jonny:** I did not agree with this.

**SJ:** you started dating me thats agreement enough

**Jonny:** Fuck.

**SJ:** anyway ur a mof

**MB:** sasha do not

**SJ:** marto loml u are a fox

**MB:** WHY

**SJ:** u want reasoning????

**MB:** absolutely not i take it back

**SJ:** rude!

**SJ:** tim

**TS:** I'm a parrot 

**SJ:** .

**SJ:** why did you send that so quickly.

**TS:** because I know my fucking fursona sasha

**SJ:** WH?!?!??

**TS:** you think this is my first fursona rodeo? you fool

**SJ:** that's the worst thing you've ever sent

**TS:** and

**SJ:** DAISY ur a dog

**SJ:** idk it's just yr vibe

**Daisy:** literally that's the worst thing you've ever said to me Sasha

**SJ:** :}

**AC:** I'm a spider.

**SJ:** actually I was thinking more rabbit

**AC:** blink blonk blink blonk blink blonk blink blonk

**AC:** do you want to die? Is that a kink? huh?

**SJ:** yeah

**AC:** apologize to me for this immediately 

**SJ:** I'm sorry, Annabelle.

**SJ:** FUCKER

**SJ:** I am NOT sorry

**AC:** YOU SHOULD BE

**Basi:** ^^^^^^^^^ Fucking hell.

**HR:** I think I'm a lion:^]

**SJ:** that checks out I'll allow it

**SJ:** michael ur a coyote

**MD:** d O o o. noT I. NVoldvee ME E E E in t. H. is

**SJ:** too late ur a coyote now

**SJ:** gerry is a crow bc hehe emo

**MD:** f f f f f cucjxk

**SJ:** melanie. 

**MK:** *pain in my voice* yes

**SJ:** dragon

**MK:** .

**MK:** fuck yeah I'll take it

**SJ:** georgie ur a bat

**Georgie:** I really just hate this so much. So much. God.

**SJ:** :}}}}}}coward

**SJ:** OH OLIVER

**Ollie:** FUCK

**Ollie:** I hoped you forgot about me

**SJ:** never<3

**Ollie:** _why not_

**SJ:** river otter

**Ollie:** I hate it here

**SJ:** graham is a raccoon

**Ollie:** blink blonk blink blonk blink blonk why the hell do you do this

**TS:** when are we adding graham to the chat

**Ollie:** as far as I'm concerned? never

**Nikki:** That's A Pissbaby Move Oliver!!

**Nikki:** I Miss Your Boyfriend

**Ollie:** he does not miss you nik

**Nikki:** I Know!! He Was So Fun To Scare!! Why Would You Take That From Me? After Everything I've Done For You? Huh?

**Ollie:** because I hate you

**Nikki:** Fucking Coward

\--

**Jonny:** Can Elias not be evil for five seconds? Is that something he's capable of?

**TS:** no

**SJ:** fucker probably does evil paperwork

**Jonny:** "Oh, be right back Peter! I have to go evilly print something!"

**MB:** "Goddamnit Gertrude, can't you see I'm busy doing evil filing? Get out!"

**SJ:** "Tim, Tim! Wait! I was just busy with evil business deals! You can… come back in… if you want… ;)"

**TS:** I am NOT fucking ELIAS sasha STOP THIS

**Jonny:** Sounds like something an Elias fucker would say.

**TS:** _JON_

**Jonny:** :)

**MK:** "My evil dinner plans had to be cancelled because of my evil meeting at seven. Annoying."

**Jonny:** "Oh, how annoying, guess I'll have to evilly laugh until you leave. Ha. Haha. Ha."

**SJ:** habsjwnsuwbsjs

**SJ:** accurate

\--

**TS:** you ever dream about a haunted house called The Entities Spook Fest! A Family Friendly(ish) Haunted Park Of The Decade! 

**Nikki:** N

**Nikki:** No

**TS:** damn.

**Jonny:** Well, now I'm curious, the hell is that, Tim.

**TS:** okay so basically we (archive squad) worked at The Eye part right, but there was a part for all of the fears

**TS:** the areas with the biggest spots were The Stranger, The Lonely, The Eye, and The Vast

**Nikki:** Oh. Fuck Yeah

**TS:** basically we all (again archive squad) worked a bit everywhere? but mostly the eye

**TS:** nddd uh everything had themes so The Eye was more comfy horror? like slow rising anxiety horror

**TS:** we had a coffee shop and pastries but most of the food was in The Flesh

**Jonny:** mmm hate that

**TS:** The Extinction was the newest addition and the smallest but that's a different topic

**TS:** The Stranger had kinda like, a circus theme? Like it does irl but way more showy n shit like nik u had a whole ass fake lion

**Nikki:** I Do Irl Too?

**TS:** what

**Nikki:** What?

**TS:** ok ignoring that

**Nikki:** Good Choice ))

**TS:** The Lonely was way more spaced out, just.,.,.., empty kinda?

**TS:** like ok so

**SJ:** no tim pause

**SJ:** How. Do you remember this so well

**TS:** oh it's been a recurring dream for almost three years

**SJ:** HUH?

**TS:** yeah ever since I joined the institute

**TS:** it's just grown with the more information I get

**SJ:** i 

**TS:** its actually really cool it's like I'm there like lucid dreaming type beat 10/10 would recommend

**TS:** The Eye better be eating this shit up bc its GOOD

**SJ:** ,..,.,.,t i m

**TS:** okiii anyway yeah so it's all really neat ngl but like The Stranger has like rituals every night kinda like disney world

**MK:** I hate that fucking mouse

**MB:** kin

**MK:** dont kin me you bastard I'll kill you

**MB:** oh? Oh bet? Do it. Do it.

**MB:** fucking do it.

**MB:** I'll light you on fire

**MK:** WHY DO YOU LIKE FIRE SO GODDAMN MUCH YOURE BASICALLY A SPIDER

**MB:** it's pretty you whore

**TS:** it is pretty but stop derailing my haunted house dream conversation

**MK:** no

**TS:** fuckers

**TS:** and it's really fun :}} like there's rides and trains and everything its basically a carnival but horror

**MB:** so a regular carnival

**TS:** yeah

**AC:** I'm derailing this bc I hate it

**TS:** nooooooooo

**AC:** yes

**AC:** agree tim

**TS:** Fine, Annabelle.

**TS:** >:( rude mf

**AC:** ::::]

**AC:** anyway Martin let's talk moths yes?

**MB:** oh absolutely

**MK:** GOD NOT THIS AGAIN

**SJ:** NOOO

**Jonny:** ???

**AC:** so I've tried something new recently and idkkk I think it kinda hits

**MB:** oh?

**AC:** yes yes

**AC:** coating them in honey sugar and cinnamon

**AC:** and then deepfrying them

**AC:** and coating them in it again

**MB:** I am Looking👁

**TS:** i AM NOT TAKE THIS SHIT OUTTA HERE

**Jonny:** no!!no!nope! Absolutely not!

**SJ:** why are we here? Just to suffer?

**MK:** don cheadle word of the day

**MK:** Agony

**MK:** tim let's go back to ur dream shit

**TS:** GOD PLEASE

\--

**HR:** gender neutral terms to call your partner:^]

**HR:** snerson (snail person)

**HR:** snartner (snail partner)

**HR:** my snove (snail love)

**HR:** my snear (snail dear)

**HR:** snutie (snail cutie)

**HR:** snail (snail)

**HR:** honorably mentions:

**HR:** sneetheart (snail sweetheart)

**HR:** snuttercup (snail buttercup)

**HR:** snaby (snail baby)

**HR:** snsnail (snail snail)

**TS:** snishwasher (snail dishwasher)

**HR:** you call your partner dishwasher?

**Jonny:** He does.

**SJ:** yeah

**HR:** .

**HR:** hm:^]

\--

**Jonny:** My list of people who have tried to kill me grows everyday.

**SJ:** h

**SJ:** huh

**MB:** jon, love, darling, what

**Ollie:** who was it this time

**Jonny:** Elias.

**Ollie:** oo spicy

**Jonny:** :/ He tired with a metal pipe.

**Ollie:** oh. boring.

**Ollie:** you get the pipe?

**Jonny:** Yeah.

**SJ:** !?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!????????

**SJ:** WHAT

**Jonny:** I mean in his defense I think he thought I was Leitner? Called me Jurgen. So.

**SJ:** HES WITH THE EYE HE HAD TO KNOW IT WAS YOU

**Jonny:** Hmm fair.

**Jonny:** Then Elias simply tried to kill me.

**TS:** THATS NOT SIMPLE AT ALL?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

**Daisy:** Jon r u keeping the pipe?

**Jonny:** Duh.

**Daisy:** :}

**MB:** WHY ARE YOU KEEPING IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Jonny:** I keep all of the weapons that people try to kill me with.

**TS:** GOD _PEOPLE???_

**Jonny:** Yeah. Okay so.

**Jonny:** The Web, which is more of an entity thing but I still have the book so I count it. Elias, pipe. Some people have just tried to strangle me. Nikola almost killed me once.

**Nikki:** In My Defense How The Fuck Was I Meant To Know You Were in The Wall Jonathan! How!

**Jonny:** I never said it wasn't understandable. But I still could've died.

**Jonny:** Oh Daisy you tried once.

**Daisy:** oh yeah first night we met

**Jonny:** Fun times.

**MK:** What the FUCK

**Jonny:** Oh, Melanie, you're on the list too.

**MK:** ?!?!(××,*÷;$*@,@(×,@(!*#*@(×?#*×(×

**TS:** jon what the fuck

**Jonny:** I am apparently very killable and people like to try me.

**Georgie:** tbf I did hold your hand while we went through a haunted house and broke it

**Jonny:** True.

**Jonny:** Oh, speaking of bones, Jared is also on that list.

**MB:** like????the avatar of the flesh???

**Jonny:** Yeah.

**SJ:** !?!??!???????@?@?@??@?@?@(÷,÷×*,#*!,$,#

\--

**TS:** the sexual tension between two gas stations on the same intersection

**SJ:** I'm so sick of this shit

**SJ:** two gas stations cant even be on the same block without some dumbass shipping them. and yet I cant even find a SINGLE fic for dennys/applebees with dennys bottoming

**AC:** you're literally out of your mind if you think dennys isnt a top

**Ollie:** I wish the 2012 apocalypse happened

**TS:** Annabelle dennys is SUCH A FUCKING BOTTOM????????? LITERALLY

**SJ:** yeah I was about to fuckin SAY

**Jonny:** Ah.

**Jonny:** Absolutely not.

**TS:** coward !

**Basi:** God fucking.

**Basi:** Why can't you bastards stop this for one day. One day. One. Fucking. Day. That's all I'm asking for. It isn't much.

**TS:** BASIRA

**Basi:** Fucking hell. Yes, Tim? What fucking curse are you putting onto me today.

**TS:** is dennys a top or bottom YES there is a correct answer

**Basi:** .,.,.,.,., ,,.,.,.,., .,.,.,

**Basi:** Dennys? The... restaurant???? The American restaurant??????

**TS:** duh

**MK:** holy shit what did I walk in on

**Ollie:** hell

**Basi:** It's a restaurant and I refuse to play your little game, Tim no othy Stoker.

**Jonny:** One night. Please.

**TS:** no

**TS:** also basira smh

**Georgie:** dennys is a switch fuck all of you

**TS:** DENNYS IS NOT a SWITCH GEORGIE

**Georgie:** AS A DENNYS KINNIE WHO IS ALSO A MF SWITCH YES HE IS

**AC:** "Applebees is a top and Dennys is a bottom leaning switch but I swear to GOD if you fucks don't stop ignoring canon I'm gonna kill myself. DENNYSBEES DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE. THEY BROKE UP BECAUSE APPLEBEES CHEATED. FUCK. It was also just a really unhealthy relationship in the first place? Like. Ew! Anyway, stan DenHop and WildBees or suffer the consequences" -jONJBNHVHANAKWNSOWNSALSLWMWM

**TS:** shes fucking dead jon killed her

**TS:** but also valid jon 

**Georgie:** its agreeable. I guess.

**Basi:** … I fucking hate this goddamn chat. So much. Fuck. I hope you all choke.

**MK:** ,

**MK:** HANAKWNWOQNWOWNSOKSKW

**SJ:** all archive members except basira found dead in miami

**TS:** ***all clown gang members except basira found dead in miami

**SJ:** CLOWN GANG?

**TS:** yk like… clown town and web gang… mixed…

**SJ:** I hate it

**MB:** web town is cuter ngl

**TS:** well I'm SORRY Martin all of MY braincells went to making sure Jon didnt BURN DOWN THE FUCKING KITCHEN

**MB:** as they should

\--

**Jonny:** "the character development is truly poor, the look of the male character let us think that he is a strong man, taking leads and being proud of himself, but during numerous events during this video, we can see he is absolutely not what he seems to be, he is shy, blushing as shit, he just doesn't match hes body and that is really bad done, he does not deserve a dick of this size"

**TS:** bro are you seriously criticizing roblox porn

**Ollie:** bro are you srsly criticizing roblox porn

**Georgie:** bro are you serious? criticizing roblox porn?

**AC:** bro are you s

**AC:** awh smh bastards stealing my thunder

\--

**Ollie:** me, carrying a kitten: , ,.,.,.,.,..,graham I got another one

**Ollie:** graham, sick of my shit: 👁👁 but stressed

**Ollie:** me: his name is peanut butter

**Ollie:** graham, on the verge of tears: THE TWO THINGS IM ALLERGIC TO?

**Ollie:** me: ,.,..,yeah,..,,..,.,

**Jonny:** OLIVER??!?!?!?!????

**Ollie:** hello

**Jonny:** Why.

**Ollie:** listen peanut butter is really cute alright

**Jonny:** oh my god.

\--

**MK:** okay heres a hot take

**Jonny:** Oh god.

**MK:** vampires… sexy.

**Jonny:** Which.

**Jonny:** Melanie which ones.

**MK:** I'm not wrong jon

**Jonny:** Melanie.

**Jonny:** Melanie which fucking ones.

**MK:** irl

**Jonny:** M E L A N I E .

**MK:** WHAT!!!!!!!!

**Jonny:** YOU LIKE MUTE MANIPULATIVE BLOOD BAGS WITH LONG TONGUES? REALLY? THAT'S YOUR TASTE? MELANIE. M E L A N I E

**MK:** YOURE ACE JON YOU DONT GET IT

**TS:** actually as someone who is very fucking horny melanie. No.

**MK:** this is lesbophobia

**Jonny:** NO ITS NOT

**Jonny:** YOU SAYING THAT IN THIS CHAT IS A HATE CRIME ACTUALLY

**Daisy:** ^ 

**Daisy:** very bad take Melanie

**MK:** NO ITS NOT

**Daisy:** .,.,.,.,. yes.

**MK:** 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

**AC:** wow.

**AC:** I didnt think your takes could get worse melanie 

**MK:** Homo. Pho. Bia. 

**Jonny:** No❤

**Nikki:** Holy Shit! Holy Shit! This Is! Bad! Very Bad! Melanie What The Hell And Fuck!

**MB:** actually melanie I think ur onto something

**SJ:** M A R T I N

**TS:** mahtin

**TS:** BUT MARTIN FR WTF

**Jonny:** This is the worst timeline actually.

**Nikki:** It Has Been, Jon! But Rt!

**MB:** I MEAN.

**AC:** why are we shocked again? The man simps for peter goddamn lukas

**TS:**.

**TS:** nvm annabelle ur right 

**AC:** I know.

**TS:** Fucker.

**MB:** HEY NO LISTEN

**MB:** IM RIGHT

**MB:** VAMPIRES ARE SEXY

**TS:** YES MARTIN YOU WOULD BE CORRECT THEY ARE VERY SEXY JUST NOT THE FUCKING IRL ONES

**TS:** AT LEAST THIRST FOR EDWARD CULLEN

**TS:** JUST FUCKING

**TS:** SOMETHING ELSE

**TS:** ANYTHING ELSE

**MB:** FUCK YOU

**TS:** I DONT THINK I WANT TO ANYMORE AFTER WHAT I JUST FUCKING LEARNED ABOUT YOU MARTIN!!!!!!

**MB:** WOW JUST LIKE THAT? HUH?

**TS:** YES!!!!! YOU JUST ADMITTED TO THIRSTING OVER LONG TONGUED BLOOD SUCKERS WHO WANT TO KILL YOU

**MB:** MAYBE I LIKE TO LIVE ON THE EDGE TIM EVER THINK ABOUT THAT??? HUH????????

**TS:** NO BECAUSE I LIKE TO LIVE IN A NICE WORLD COMPARED TO THE ONE YOU JUST CAME UP WITH

**SJ:** do you think god too lives in fear because of what they created

**Basi:** Honestly I think, if they exist or are still around, would've killed them on sight.

**SJ:** god you're right but at what cost. At what cost basira

**Basi:** My sanity.

**Nikki:** Basira! That Has Been Long Gone! You Willingly Gave That Away When You Let Daisy Add You To Clown Town! Fool!

**Basi:** Fuck.

**Jonny:** Hey, Daisy? Basira? Nik? Oliver? Anyone?

**Ollie:** yeah.

**Jonny:** Why did you allow me to pine after Martin? Why was that something you let happen.

**Ollie:** I don't know but I regret it immensely now

**Daisy:** god rt

**Daisy:** "you havent mentioned him in a while" I said "just ask him out Jon" I said

**Daisy:** I regret my words

**Nikki:** You Should!

**MB:** hey what.

**Jonny:** Life is the stick and I am the camel that is tipping over the edge.

**SJ:** r

**SJ:** rt

\--

**Ollie:** oh my god nik

**Nikki:** Yes Oliver?

**Ollie:** clown movie of the week

**Nikki:** Jingles the Clown

**Ollie:** I'm shaking in my boots why did you send that so fast

**Nikki:** It's An Obvious Fucking Choice?

**Ollie:** … why

**Nikki:** The Name Is Good

**Ollie:** understandable have a nice day

**AC:** hey why the fuck is pizza hard to make

**AC:** oh, I say, it cannot be that hard!

**AC:** my hand Hurts

**MB:** !?!??@!?ANNABELLE????

**AC:** martin I fear (oh heehoo) that I may perish from my burns, tell the desolation that I will haunt their asses

**MB:** _ANNABELLE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!_

**SJ:** dw annabelle I will

**AC:** god finally someone I can trust in this goddamn chat

**SJ:** mwah💞

\--

**TS:** hm

**SJ:** uh oh

**TS:** you ever see your double boss hypothetically jerking it to a plant

**SJ:** .

**Jonny:** Hm.

**MB:** ,.,

**AC:** large intake of breath in a panicked manner

**HR:** :^[

**SJ:** Hey, hey Tim? Love? Darling? Love of my life, highlight of my week, my north star that helps me home, cosmo to my wanda, my loving count jester in this kingdom of fools, mi amor, sweetheart, my soulmate, my goddamn twin flame, what the absolute FUCK did you just say.

**TS:** Elias is

**TS:** horny for plants now

**TS:** I guess

**Jonny:** I 

**Jonny:** goodbye

**HR:** I am leaving!:^]

**Nikki:** Oh. Oh Absolutely Not!!! No!!!!!! No!!! That Is A Bad Fucking Sentence Timothy

**TS:** I HAD TO S E E IT

**AC:** well you didnt have to TELL US that

**TS:** share my fucking torture annabelle

**AC:** Fuck You Timothy

**TS:** ITS JUST TIM NO OTHY HOW MANY TIMES MUST I FUCKING SAY THIS

**AC:** WELL THATS STUPID AS FUCK

**TS:** BRING IT UP WITH MY MOTHERS

**AC:** PERHAPS I FUCKING WILL

**TS:** wait no

**Jonny:** Just remembered I gave Elias a plant as a gift for the company party we had a little bit ago.

**SJ:** GOD I HELPED YOU PICK IT OUT TOO

**SJ:** FUCK.

**Jonny:** Don Cheadle word of the day.

**MK:** Agony.

\--

**Nikki** added **GrahamF** to the chat!

**Nikki:** ))))

**Ollie:** HOW.

**Nikki:** ))))))))))

**Ollie:** nikola How.

**Nikki:** Yeah❤

**GrahamF:** What.

**GrahamF:** Hey. Hey wait a minute. Hey.

**GrahamF:** No.

**Daisy:** aasksandjsjladldj valid

**TS:** oh shit I didn't think we were actually adding him

**Ollie:** I am in so much pain but you gave her the idea what did you expect

**TS:** fair

**TS:** anyway

**TS** changed **GrahamF** 's user to **GF**!

**Nikki:** I Want To Be Angry But Honestly What Would We Even Change Grahams Name To? Grammy? Hammy? Grami? No

**Ollie:** graham I am so sorry babe

**Georgie:** it's not that bad smh

**HR:** eh,..,.,:^///

**Jonny:** Yes it is.

**MK:** it absolutely is

**GF:** Why.

**TS:** missing link

**GF:** … huh

**SJ:** you're Oliver's boyfriend you have to be here

**SJ:** like legally I think

**TS:** yeah legally

**SJ:** exactly

**GF:** This is homophobic

**Jonny:** I'm homophobic.

**Ollie:** kin

\--

**SJ:** I miss the area 51 trend

**SJ:** better times.

**TS:** rt .,.,., the vibes,.,.,.,. Very nice

**MB:** valid and true

**Daisy:** oh yeah I went there actually

**SJ:** you what

**Daisy:** yeah me and Jon went

**SJ:** [Louder] You What

**TS:** nani the fuck

**Nikki:** That's My Thing You Bastard. You Fiend.

**Nikki:** Anyway Same!

**Jonny:** Nik, you went?

**Nikki:** Indeed!!)))

**Daisy:** we didnt see you?

**Nikki:** Of Course You Didn't! I Got In!

**Daisy:** y

**Daisy:** you what

**Basi:** You WHAT,

**Nikki:** I Got In!

**Daisy:** Nikola what the fuck. What the fuck.

**Nikki:** )))

**Jonny:** Hey, hey Nik? That's so fucking scary. How.

**Nikki:** Being Plastic Helps When You're Stealing Skin!!

**Jonny:** oh

\--

**SJ:** ELIAS' FURSONA IS A SQUID

**AC:** no mantis shrimp

**SJ:** squid

**AC:** mantis shrimp

**SJ:** no:)

**SJ:** squid. Specifically vampire squid.

**AC:** it's a mantis shrimp sasha jesus CHRIST

**AC:** say its fucking mantis shrimp

**SJ:** Elias' fursona is a mantis shrimp.

**SJ:** ANNABELLE CANE I WILL LIGHT YOU ON FIRE

**AC:** fucking do it then pussy

**MK:** I actually was thinking snake

**AC:** SNAKE?

**SJ:** SNAKE?!?!?!??!

**MK:** yeah

**SJ:** melanie what the FUCK

**MK:** what!

**AC:** how. How. How. H o w .

**MK:** he just got snake vibes ok damn

**MB:** simon is an albatross

**Jonny:** Why would you add onto this.

**MB:** because simon is an albatross and peter is a pelican

**Jonny:** Why did I ever pine after you.

**MB:** babe that's kinda gay

**Jonny:** m a r t i n

**TS:** "mahtin"

**Jonny:** I hate it here. Fuck all of you.

**Georgie:** jonny ur ace?????!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

**Jonny:** blink blonk blink blonk blink blonk

**Jonny:** Die.

**Georgie:** god yeah I wish

**Jonny:** No!!!!!

\--

**MD:** I fucking hate jurgen leitner so fucking much I hate him I hate him I hate him so so so fucking much he makes me so angry i cannot explain why but every single time that stupid little bastard speaks rage fills my fucking bones do I even have bones anymore I dont know but I know rage fills whatever the fuck is in me I may not have blood but he makes my body boil

**MD:** HES IN THE FUCKING OTHER GC! I HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS USER! AND READ WHAT HE SENDS!

**MD:** ITS SO FUCKING HOMOPHOBIC WHY DO I OUT OF EVERYONE HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM

**MD:** NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I WISH HE WASNT DEAD

**MD:** ROT IN HELL YOU OLD BASTARD WHAT ARE YOU? 900 NOW?!?!?? FUCKING DUSTY BONEY ASS

**MD:** DIE

**MD:** IM THIS FUCKING CLOSE TO JUST TAKING HIM TO THE HALLWAYS BUT THAT WOULD MEAN I WOULD HAVE TO PHYSICALLY GET CLOSE TO HIM AND I WOULD RATHER BECOME THE SPIRAL TEN TIMES OVER AGAIN BEFORE I EVEN LET HIM BREATH IN MY DIRECTION

**MD:** I COULD BE TOLD THAT THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING I CARE ABOUT IS TO TELL LEITNER I DONT THINK HES THAT BAD I WOULD EMBRACE DEATH WITH NO REGRETS

**MD:** JURGEN FUCKING LEITNER IS THE CAUSE OF HOMOPHOBIA AND TRANSPHOBIA

**MD:** I WALK DOWN MY HALLWAYS AND HE SEES THROUGH MY DOORS AND SHOUTS GO GAY SPIRAL BOY GO

**MD:** I MAY NOT BE ALIVE BUT THE MERE CONCEPT OF MY EXISTENCE IS THREATENED BY HIM

**MD:** MY BODY FUCKING RECOILS WHENEVER I HEAR HIS SHITTY LITTLE BASTARD RAT NAME

**MD:** OH THERE GOES LEITNER! HELEN LAUGHS! A RAGE AND ANGER FILLS ME LIKE NOTHING BEFORE!

**MD:** ITS LIKE A FUCKED UP GAME OF CAT AND MOUSE BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL NEVER CATCH HIM YET HE TEMPTS ME AT EVERY TURN KNOWING I WILL TAKE THE GODDAMN BAIT

**MD:** WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP BOOKS? IS IT A KINK? I DONT THINK IT COULD BE ANYTHING ELSE AT THIS POINT

**MD:** LIKE WHAT THE FUCK

**MD:** GOD

**MD:** IF THE WORLD FUCKING ENDS IM BLAMING HIM

**MD:** STUPID FUCKING RAT OLD BASTARD

**MD:** HES NOT EVEN AN AVATAR I DON'T THINK

**MD:** WHAT COMPELS YOU TO FUCKING COLLECT ENTITY BOOKS WHEN YOU ARENT EVEN AN A V A T A R ?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?@ ?!?!?! ? ? ?????

**MD:** he is the rock in my shoe. The thorn in my side. The fucking scooter to my ankle. The phobia to my homo. The mosquito that bites me when I am already down. The dog to my trauma. He is the gravel and I am walking down a steep hill. He is the hair in my eye. He is Sherlock Holmes and I am Jonathan. Watching. Murder in my veins and soul. He is a horse that kicks and I am the unwilling rider. I will kill him with my own hands

**MD:** he is an essential npc and I am an angry gamer who turned off the no murdering essential npcs code

**MD:** hes the fucking bane of my existence

**MD:** if there is a god they sent jurgen fucking leitner down to make us regret our sins

**MD:** if that god exists they are nothing but cruel

**MD:** worse then the fucking entities themselves

**MD:** there is no hope while that bastard is still here

**MD:** no chance at redemption

**MD:** for anyone

**MD:** not while he is still living

**MD:** fucking BREATHING

**MD:** with every intake of air he single handedly kills five children

**MD:** he is the 8th sin

**MD:** the 16th FUCKING fear

**MD:** I fear for my own sanity with him and I'm the fucking SPIRAL

**MD:** he waits. He plans.

**MD:** I know he does

**MD:** he wants to kill us all and by god

**MD:** hes fucking doing it

**MD:** stupid fucking jurgen leitner I hate him I hate him I hate him

**MD:** FUCK

**MD:** I would call him a clown but that's a fucking insult to clowns

**MD:** he is not even the dirt under my fucking FEET

**MD:** hes so much fucking worse

**MD:** not even killing him would give me satisfaction at this fucking point

**MD:** a AA a annyyy2aaayyy

**MD:** iiiiIIIiIiIII m mm mmisss s as s s 

**MD:** ttorrnhtony st a a rk

**Jonny:** .

**Jonny:** … rt.

**TS:** [fear but bassboosted]

**SJ:** did

**SJ:** did your rage just make you type coherently for once michael 

**MD:** pop eee r peryaappss ss aarcchcxvist

**SJ:** .

**SJ:** ok:D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FOUR FUCKING KAY BABEY!!!!
> 
> longest chapter yet!
> 
> this is a mix of a one month anniversary chapter for the lovely cbggg discord, and for the fic in itself! though technically that anniversary is on the 26th ,..,.,.,.,.,. Take what yall can get okay this is 4k words
> 
> I actually dont have much to say in reference to the actual chapter, so I'm just gonna be very sappy, go ahead n tap out if that isnt your thing!!! Completely get it dw, but please consider joining the discord while you're here!!! We are very friendly and it is just as chaotic as this chatfic (just without the murder! Mainly. I think. who knows what happened in the food discourse channel I havent looked at it in 2 weeks)
> 
> https://discord.gg/xC4Y5V9
> 
> I posted this fic on a whim, almost two months ago now, and while I cannot say it was the best thing I've ever done, it was... a really good decision. I'm extremely happy with the people I've met by doing so. And, a month to the day, the discord was born. Now, this fucking discord. Dear lord. It's. It's hell. And I fucking adore it. The people on there are genuinely so funny and kind - they probably could write a cbggg chapter better then me at this point, they're fucking hilarious - and I care them ever so much. To everyone in Clown Town 2.0 and those who have supported this dumb fic so far; thank you. Just. Thank you. For a lot. For some things I would mention and for some I will. Thank you for making me genuinely excited to post more chapters of this, even if it does get stressful at times. Thank you for laughing and this dumb fic (and fueling my ego in doing so). Thank you for the kind comments and kudos. Thank you for. A lot. I still don't fully get why you all like this bastard fic so much, but truly I wouldn't have it any other way. God this sounds like I'm ending this fic - I am not. But I'm just very. Very sappy at times. Moral of this long ass rant;; if you've ever left a kudos, or a comment, or if you just lurk and are subscribed - thank you. This fic means a lot to me, as cracky as it is.
> 
> Anyway, as always, I hope you all enjoyed this long ass chapter, and I hope you all continue to enjoy my bullshit. - Theo / EyeMug / Tiff / whatever the fuck at this point there's too many names now💔


	21. No thoughts only Whitney animal crossing

**Ollie:** who fucking,

  


**Ollie:** nik did you take my fucking switch

  


**Nikki:** Why Do You Always Accuse Me?? Do I Exist For Nothing But For You To Place Your Assumptions On? Hmm? Am I Nothing To You? Do Our Years Of Friendship Mean Nothing To You?

  


**Ollie:** so. yes 

  


**Nikki:** Actually, No! Cannot Say I Did

  


**Ollie:** what.

  


**Ollie:** _nikola what do you mean no_

  


**Nikki:** I Mean? No? I Am Not Always The One Causing Shit, Oliver!

  


**Ollie:** THEN WHO BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND STOLE MY SWITCH IF NOT YOU?!!!!!!!?!?!?

  


**Jonny:** God.

  


**Ollie:** IM BEING FR ITS JUSTS GONE!>?!??!?!?

  


**Ollie:** you’re telling me none of you took it

  


**Jonny:** Who, other than Nik, even would?

  


**Ollie:** fuck

  


**Georgie:** The End rocked ya shit huh

  


**Georgie:** went snatch

  


**Ollie:** shut the hell up im so upset I made so much progess w acnh

  


**Nikki:** Cottagecore Gay

  


**Ollie:** clowncore whore

  


**Nikki:** At Least I Have Style, Oliver!

  


\--

  


**Georgie:** JON GET ON MINECRAFT U FUCKING COWARD

  


**Georgie:** JON>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

  


**Nikki:** Oh???????????????????? Mined Crafted?

  


**Georgie:** Yehs.

  


**Georgie:** but Jon is a PUSSY AND WONT JOINNNNNNNNNNNNNN

  


**Jonny:** Fucking @ me next time.

  


**Georgie:** _@JonathanSims_

  


**Jonny:** Smartass.

  


**Georgie:** bastard!

  


**Jonny:** My parents are dead actually,

  


**Georgie:** orphan lookin ass

  


**Georgie:** you’re short, depressed, have adhd AND biro???????/ pick a STRUGGLE

  


**Jonny:** You’re 5’6, horny for nessie, and you have add? Pick a struggle, Georgina.

  


**Georgie:** SHES GORGEOUS TO ME>:(

  


**Jonny:** Monsterfucker!

  


**Georgie:** What ab it babey

  


**Nikki:** Can We Please Go Back To Mined Crafted?? Mined Craft Server?????

  


**Georgie:** it's just me and jon:( sorry nik</3

  


**Georgie:** god how many years have we had this world

  


**Jonny:** When did minecraft come out?

  


**Georgie:** fucking hell

  


**Jonny:** Rt.

  


**Ollie:** when yall werent talking did you just. not use the world or

  


**Jonny:** We had designated days.

  


**Ollie:** .

  


**Ollie:** jon. what.

  


**Georgie:** yeah I had sunday - first half of wednesday and Jon had late wednesday - saturday

  


**Ollie:** …

  


**Ollie:** that's so much work.

  


**Jonny:** Yeah. Yeah.

  


**Georgie:** it was!

  


**Ollie:** … ok anyway I'm still confused ab my switch

  


**Georgie:** I'm telling u The End went snatch

  


**Ollie:** The End, my Entity, the thing I (granted, unknowingly) gave my life to, the thing that claimed me, took my switch.

  


**Ollie:** is that what you're saying georgie

  


**Georgie:** yeah <3

  


\--

  


**Nikki:** ITSS INTERNATIONAL CLOWWN WEEKE

  


**Nikki:** FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES

  


**Ollie:** its what.

  


**Nikki:** CLOWN WEEK!!! FUCKING CLOWN WEEK OLIVER I CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR

  


**Ollie:** I know.

  


**Ollie:** you missed day one

  


**Nikki:** I'll Kill You.

  


**Ollie:** oh you wish you could

  


**Nikki:** I Do! I Really Do!

  


**Nikki:** Anyway Cancel All Of The Plans. All Of Them. I Don't Care What It Is. You Are All Coming Over And I'm Giving You A Clowncore Look

  


**Daisy:** come over where. Your circus tent? Or did you threaten someone until they gave you their apartment

  


**Ollie:** neither

  


**Daisy:** what.

  


**Nikki:** I Live With Ollie Boy At The Moment! )))

  


**Daisy:** WHAT?

  


**Jonny:** ??????

  


**Ollie:** it's a deal between us

  


**Nikki:** It Works Does It Not????

  


**Ollie:** it does I fucking guess

  


**Georgie:** brb losing it

  


**HR:** what fucking deal could you two even make??>:///

  


**Ollie:** if I let nik stay here shell keep away that fucking weird ass monster thing

  


**Jonny:** The one that tried to kill Graham?

  


**Ollie:** yeah

  


**Jonny:** Ah.

  


**Georgie:** mcmbam (my clown my boyfriend and me) new hit podcast

  


**Ollie:** it's a trainwreck so far

  


**Nikki:** It Is Wonderful. Coward!!!

  


**Ollie:** I breath and you call me a "little end boy pissbaby"

  


**Nikki:** And❤

  


**Ollie:** I hate this fucking family

  


**Basi:** Retweet.

  


**Daisy:** no you dont you love it here

  


**Georgie:** you lovveeee it here

  


**Jonny:** You never want to leave!

  


**Basi:** Okay, jonestown cult.

  


**Nikki:** Cult???

  


**Nikki:** How Dare You! This Is A Loving Environment Where Nothing Bad Happens And I Am God!

  


**Nikki:** Worship Me Cowards

  


**Basi:** Read my above message one more time.

  


**Jonny:** Yes, Clown Town is a cult, yes you can't leave, yes, indeed, it's hell. 

  


**Georgie:** wheres the "but" jon

  


**Jonny:** :)

  


**Georgie:** goddamnit jonathan

  


\--

  


**Jonny:** Take a seat bitch you look like you need a cat to purr on you and a weighted blanket.

  


**Daisy:** alshakehakjd

  


**Georgie:** I do. I. I do.

  


**Jonny:** I know!

  


**Basi:** Jonathan Sims, self care professional.

  


**Ollie:** whenever hes not involved, yeah

  


**Ollie:** jon you really have the nerve to yell about me for drinking one cup of coffee at 9pm yet. are like that

  


**Jonny:** Shut up.

  


**Ollie:** no<3

  


\--

  


**Jonny:** Tim stop talking about birds challenge.

  


**Daisy:** dont use us to vent about your partners coward

  


**Basi:** Birds are lovely, Jon. What the fuck.

  


**Jonny:** Birds are lovely! I will agree, however!

  


**Georgie:** shut the fuck up w/ your however lookin ass I cannot stand you birds good end of discussion

  


**Ollie:** birds evil

  


**Jonny:** Shut up, Georgie.

  


**Jonny:** Oliver what the fuck.

  


**Nikki:** I Must! Regrettably! Agree With Ollie Boy! Birds Are Very Bad!

  


**Daisy:** I am neutral on the bird debate but that's understandable Nik

  


**Georgie:** YOU'RE NEUTRAL? HUH? BEING NEUTRAL IS SELFISH

  


**Basi:** Daisy what the fuck, what the fuck babe, how dare you.

  


**Daisy:** ok

  


**Jonny:** "Tell Oliver and Nikola I told their Annabelle kinnie looking asses to fuck off, birds are fucking fantastic, they are full of love. God."

  


**Georgie:** LOVE IS STORED IN THE BIRDS

  


**Ollie:** birds killed my fucking boyfriend

  


**Nikki:** Hmm Perhaps We Do Fight Too Often Oliver! I Just Had The Urge To Reply With "Well Maybe He Deserved It!" I'm On Your Side Here! Hmm!

  


**Basi:** Birds just want to make you happy.

  


**Basi:** They go chirp chirp and fill my soul with serotonin.

  


**Ollie:** ok and

  


**Basi:** Birds! Are! Lovely! Creatures!

  


**Jonny:** Basira did you see that the crows near MAG had babies recently. 

  


**Basi:** They did????

  


**Jonny:** Yeah!! Let me send you pictures!!

  


**Basi:** Oh my god.

  


**Basi:** This debate isn't over, by the way. Fuckers.

  


**Nikki:** Birds Want Me Dead, Basira!

  


**Basi:** Okay, and?

  


**Nikki:** !!! How Dare You!

  


**Jonny:** Oh god.

  


**Nikki:** Clowncore Makeup Day Is OFF! Fuck You!! Bird Apologists!!! Unbelievable.

  


**Jonny:** Oh.

  


**Ollie:** smhhhh

  


**Georgie:** >:( rude

  


**Nikki:** Bird Apologists Do Not Get Kindness.

  


**Georgie:** Bird HATERS dont get my kindness!!!! Fuck you!!! I will now be only communicating with Jon through our minecraft world😤😤😤

  
**Jonny:** why am I ALWAYS involved in this  


**Georgie:** ur da protag<3

  


**Jonny:** Oh absolutely not.

  


**Jonny:** Me? A protagonist? I'd get us all killed.

  


**Daisy:** let's be honest youd start the apocalypse

  


**Jonny:** I would! I fucking would!!

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey gang <3 :3cc
> 
> I couldn't get the other fic out soon enough but the references to The End and the Entities in general does mean smthn!! I'm doing a lil canon spinoff w/ them soon<33 I'll link it in one of the future chapters when I get around to finishing it up <3 hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!<33


	22. do yall know what youtuber or twitch streamer mean outside of the actual term :broken heart emoji:

**Ollie:** pov you're the hobby lobby worker dragging me out by my leg because I'm gay

**MK:** you're GAY?

**MK:** IN THIS ECONOMY?

**Jonny:** Leg? Singular? You only have one leg?

**Nikki:** Why Would You Go To Hobby Lobby!

**Nikki:** What The Fuck IS Hobby Lobby???

**Nikki:** Sounds Homophobic!!!

**HR:** they are:^]]

**Nikki:** Fucking Knew It!

**Ollie:** none of you are invited to my funeral I hope you all know that

**GF:** Babe. :(

**Ollie:** graham of course you're invited to my funeral wh

**GF:** Okay but are you saying you weren't stealing? You went to Hobby Lobby and didn't steal? Fucking disappointed honestly.

**Ollie:** pain. this chat causes me fucking pain.

\--

**MK:** jon get in the fucking car

**Jonny:** I don't reply to your text for three seconds and you, what, go to calling me out on main? Really, Melanie? Rude.

**MK:** get in the fucking carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

**MK:** I need to fucking gec asshole come ON

**MB:** Are??? Are you two??? Leaving??? We're working??????????

**MK:** and💖

**Jonny:** Fuck Elias.

**MK:** do NOT

**Jonny:** I will kill Elias myself.

**MK:** youd fuck it up

**Georgie:** he would try!!! And that's all that matters truly

\--

**GF:** Nikola what the fuck.

**MK:** why are you texting the gc for Nikola slander

**GF:** Because I don't have her number anyway Nikola what the FUCK.

**Jonny:** You're living together and you don't have her number???

**MK:** WDYM LIVING TOGETHER

**GF:** I don’t because she won’t give it to me!

**Nikki:** What Do You Want Graham Cracker! Also! Figure It Out Yourself Bastard!!

**GF:** Figure what out?? Your fucking phone number?? How the fuck!

**GF:** Also WHY is there. A laptop.  _ In  _ the fridge.

**Nikki:** Don’t Worry About It Fucker!

**GF:** I am so fucking worried.

**Nikki:** Sucks To Suck Then!

**MK:** NO WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN LIVING TOGETHER??????????????????

**MB:** god thats a sitcom waiting to happen

**Ollie:** it is a sitcom martin is absolutely did not fucking wait to happen I wish it did wait

**HR:** laugh track plays as oliver stares at his shaking hand while graham and nikola fight in the background

**Ollie:** god yeah

**Jonny:** It’s the theater kid blood in both of them.

**Ollie:** I wish they didn’t have it

\--

**Nikki:** God I Hate Having To Hunt People For Skin!! Unbelievable!! I Go Oh, Hey, I Need You To Let Me Skin You! And Then They Say  _ No!!!!!!!! _ How Rude!!!!

**GF:** God, that's not very pogchamp, damn.

**Nikki:** That’s Not What.

**Nikki:** Graham. That’s Not What.

**GF:** Pogchamp. It’s not very pogchamp of them.

**Nikki:** …,..,,.

**Nikki:** What The Fuck Is A Pogchamp! 

**Nikki:** Is That An  _ Animal???????? _ What????????

**GF:** It’s just. Pogchamp. Pog. Poggers. Yk?

**Nikki:** _ No??????????????????!!!!!!!!! _

**SJ:** graham is a twitch streamer pass it on

**GF:** Okay youtuber.

**SJ:** and WHAT about it!

**Nikki:** What Are You SAYING!!!!!!!!

**Nikki** : Jon What The Fuck Are They Saying!

**Jonny:** Yeah. <3

**Nikki:** Jon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**TS:** is he.. yk.. *elaborate hand gesture for headset*

**SJ:** is she… yk,,, a  _ youtuber? _

**Ollie:** *hushed voice* is he a twitch streamer?

**Nikki:** Oliver I Will Sit Hauntingly Next To You As You Sleep If You Don’t Tell Me What The Fuck That Means Right Now

**Ollie:** no<3

**Nikki:** Fucker!

\--

**Jonny:** 100 gecs is grifters bone.

**MK:** oh my god.

**MK:** yeah

**SJ:** what band or musical artist is each entity

**HR:** lemon demon is spiral:^]

**Nikki:** No Neil Is Stranger!!

**MK:** I could make an argument for him being slaughter because his shit does go that hard

**MB:** a bit of web and a bit of lonely I think

**SJ:** bruh eye????

**GF:** Nah, I have to agree with Nikola, Stranger vibes.

**Nikki:** Ha!

**Basi:** He’s all of them, maybe?

**Nikki:** God Basira Don’t Be Stupid Of Course He Isn’t!!!!!!

**SJ:** he said *tim kinnie noises*

**TS:** I think hes corruption actually

**Jonny:** WHAT.

**MK:** tim stoker what the fuck how

**TS:** spiral of ants

**SJ:** i

**AC:** hey nik get on overwatch

**Nikki:** Oh! Bet! Anyway Timathan What The FUCK

**TS:** _ TIMATHAN????????? _

**Nikki:** Would You Prefer Timichael?

**AC:** timmy boyo

**MK:** The Lad

**MB:** t,.,,.timiam

**SJ:** timiel

**Jonny:** timiel

**Jonny:** FUCK

**SJ:** 😳😳😳we drifting babe😳😳😳

**Georgie:** timander

**TS:** this is harassment and biphobia at its fucking FINEST

**Nikki:** Timjamin Don’t Be Rude To Your Family!!!!!

**TS:** I absolutely will be next

\--

**Jonny:** Deathnote, Nikola, me and Daisy are let loose in an IKEA, who will we kill.

**SJ:** you nikola daisy and WHO

**Ollie:** me and graham

**SJ:** Ah.

**SJ:** anyway probably an employee damn

**Nikki:** They Have So Many Chairs????????

**Nikki:** Nobody Needs This Many Options!!!!!!!!!!

**TS:** _I_ need that many options

**Nikki:** Why! 

**TS:** bc chairs good??? never question me again

**Nikki:** Why Are You Like This, Problem Child

**TS:** _ PROBLEM CHILD?????? _ ME??????

**SJ:** yeah❤

**Daisy:** SHARK PLUSHIE??????????

**SJ:** s,,..shmarkk.,.,.

**Ollie:** im fucking stuck

**GF:** _??????_

**Jonny:** How.

**Ollie:** fuck you

**Jonny:** _say it_

**Ollie:** FUCK YOU

**Jonny:** SAY HOW YOU GOT STUCK OR I WONT HELP YOU OUT

**Ollie:** EAT SHIT SIMS

**Jonny:** I will fucking leave you here

**Ollie:** do it then!

**Nikki:** People Keep Staring At Me :/ Have You Never Seen A Goddamn Clown Before? Homophobes

**GF:** _ ???Oliver where are you what _

**Nikki:** Wait What

**Nikki:** Oliver Where Are You???

**Nikki:** Also. The Twinks Are Fighting Part Two!!!!!!!

**SJ:** wh

**Ollie:** JON DONT TAKE A FUCKING PICTURE YOU ASSHOLE ILL KILL YOY

**SJ:** yoy

**Jonny** sent a photo!

[Those fucking kids spinny egg chairs. Monsters. Anyway, there lies Oliver Banks, stuck in one, he’s flipping off the camera, and probably yelling at Jonathan Sims, behind said camera]

**TS:** GHUIYTRDFTGYHUJI

**GF:** Babe,.,.,.,. How the FUCK

**Nikki:** OLIVERRRRVGYHUIYHGTFDCGYHU

**Ollie:** I HATE IT HERE

**Nikki:** Also They Didn’t Have What I Needed!

**Ollie:** THIS IS A TERRIBLE DAY

**Daisy:** can you even get out?????

**Ollie:** I DONT KNOWWWWWWWWW

**Nikki:** You Break It You Buy It Short Ass!

**Ollie:** goes fucking feral snarl bark grrr bark bark growl I will kill you

**Nikki:** You Can’t Even Get Out Of A Chair Meant For Children, Ollie!

**Daisy:** JON SNAKE PLUSH

**Jonny:** FR??????

\--

**SJ:** controversial take but I personally think we should bring back planking

**Basi:** You’re right! That is a controversial take! Don’t say it again.

**AC:** sdrftgyuytfrdftgy HA

**HR:** What if… we kissed while planking on top of the magnus institute and we were both girls… haha… jk… unless??;^]]

\--

**GF:** You know what’s not poggers? Having your monster milk rights get revoked.

**SJ:** your. graham. your what rights.

**TS:** monster milk???????????? 

**Ollie:** god please no lets not bring this here babe please

**GF:** I’m bringing this here.

**Ollie:** fucker.

**TS:** _ monster milk???????? _

**Nikki:** I’ll Take Away Your Breathing Rights As Well If You Don’t Stop, Graham Cracker!

**GF:** Try me, Orsinov.

**Nikki:** Oh I Fucking Will!

**TS:** graham youve opened my eyes

**SJ:** wh

**GF:** Oh?

**TS:** monster milk fucks

**GF:** HA

**SJ:** TIM WHY WOULD YOU TRY THAT??????????   
  
**TS:** I was curious

**SJ:** _ TIMOTHY _

**TS:** no othy babe smh

**SJ:** I Will Strangle You

  
**Nikki:** Don’t Take My Typing Style Fucker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poggers. <3
> 
> me 🤝 sasha
> 
> causing bullshit in gcs purposely ❤
> 
> grahamoliver who???? i only know deathnote babey
> 
> i actually have a question!!whats one of your favorite bits from this bastard fic? im curious! 😳


	23. I need to take a nap what the fuck is this

**GF:** Nikola did you just sub to my streams? Poggers thank you, queen.

**Nikki:** Oh Of Course!! I'm A Fan Of The Special Effects! Fucker! That's It, Though!

**Nikki:** You Fucking Suck At Minecraft! Where Are The Creeper Farms??? Where Are They Grahamathy! What The Fuck!((

**GF:** Okay. Rude. I'm fucking great, how dare you. Not a pog moment, though. :/

**SJ:** GRAHAM YOU HAVE A . TWITCH?!?!?!??!

**GF:** Yeah, I started about six months ago. :}

**GF:** Have a decent following already, which is poggers as hell.

**SJ:** what's your user bro what's ur minecraft twitch user I need to know

**GF:** GrahamNot.

**SJ:** king what😀

**GF:** Don't worry about that. 😼

**SJ:** HOW DO YOU HAVE HUNDREDS OF VIDEOS????? WHAT??????

**GF:** Gotta stay on that grind! The donos won't stay forever dude.

**SJ:** NO YOU HAVE LIKE

**SJ:** FOUR HUNDRED

**SJ:** HOW?!?!?!??!!??!?!??!

**Nikki:** He's Just On That Grind, Sasha! Don't Be Rude!

**SJ:** i 

\--

**HR:** Michael stop being a BASTARD challenge

**MD:** Bi te. M. e e. H e e ln.

**HR:** I'm not KINKY like YOU FUCKHEAD!!!!!!

**MD:** SHUT UP 

**HR:** NO DIE IM SICK OF YOUR SHIT!!! YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY!!! AND FOR WHAT???? FOR WHAT YOU BASTARD??? HM???? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THIS WITHOUT FAIL YOU ARE NEVER NOT LIKE THIS IT FILLS ME WITH SO MUCH PAIN IM GOING TO SCREAM MEET ME IN THE FUCKING HALLWAYS

**MD:** BET

**HR:** BET!?!??!?!?!?! B E T. ?!?!?!?! YOU WANNA FUCKING GO?!?!?!? YOU WANNA FUCKING FIGHT??? ILL KILL YOU TWINK FUCKING BLONDIE LOOKIN ASS I WILL

**HR:** C R U. S H. YOU

**MD:** SURE UH HUH LET'S GO

**HR:** YOURE JOKING BUT IM FUCKING HERE

**MD:** ILL SEE YOU THERE THEN

**AC:** film it film it film it film it

**MK:** they wont </3

**AC:** sigh

**Basi:** Coming online is a mistake. Always. Every single time.

**Daisy:** god yeah

\--

**MB:** jon please stop. Stop playing folklore on loop please god please

**Jonny:** No. :)

**Basi:** Folklore hits, I don't know what you all are on about. 

**Jonny:** It does!

**MB:** no

**Jonny:** Yes.

**MB:** no.

**TS:** it doesnt

**SJ:** it does wtf guys

**Jonny:** Martin, Tim, I'm divorcing you two. Go away.

**SJ:** relationship with timothy stoker and martin blackwood ended now jon is my only boyfriend

**TS:** jon why are you kinning elias

**MB:** fr

**SJ:** TIM

**Jonny:** OKAY WELL NOW RELATIONSHIP DEFINITELY ENDED WITH TIM AND MARTIN

**MB:** HEY I DIDNT EVEN SAY THAT

**Jonny:** YOU SAID FR BASTARD 

**Jonny:** I AM LEAVING

**Jonny:** PACKING UP MY BAGS

**Jonny:** LISTENING TO FOLKLORE BY TAYLOR SWIFT IN FUCKING PEACE

**Jonny:** SO I DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS HOMOPHOBIA🤬

**SJ:** I'm coming w you smh let's go get food😤😤

**MB:** get me some?

**SJ:** no bastard❤

**MB:** D: </3

\--

**TS:** hey what if I bought

**TS:** bald caps for.

**TS:** the archives

**TS:** aha jk jk u

**TS:** unless?

**SJ:** NO.

**Daisy:** are you saying. Baldchives 

**TS:** yes

**Daisy:** Oh. So I was right.

**Daisy:** stop saying it

**AC:** B?!?!?! B B B BB

**AC:** BALDCHIVES?????????

\--

**TS:** hey hey hey hey Graham?

**GF:** What's up, pogchamp.

**TS:** I don't like how you typed that like it was kiddo and not pogchamp for one

**TS:** TWO

**TS:** WHY ARE THERE SO MANY DEAD BODIES IN YOUR FUCKING STREAMS???? WHY IS THAT A REOCCURRING BIT???? THAT YOU??? KILL PEOPLE??? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS AN ARG?

**GF:** Listen. It's just my language, pogchamp. Would you prefer platonic pogchamp?

**TS:** THAT'S INSINUATING THERES A ROMANTIC POGCHAMP?

**GF:** Yeah. :} Oliver!

**TS:** HATE that

**GF:** Okay fucker no need to be rude.

**TS:** OKAY BUT THE .!?!?@*#?@?#, THE BODIES??!?!??!?? GRAHAM. GRAHAM FOLGER. THE. THE BODIES?

**GF:** Bro, they failed the vibe check. It was free real estate.

**TS:** I AM SHAKING WITH RAGE WHAT THE HELL AND FUCK ARE YOU SAYING

**GF:** I am being very clear, Stoker! It was free real estate! Their bones were mine to take!

**Jonny:** Jared Hopworth?? That you???

**GF:** Who!

**GF:** They sound homophobic! Is that Tim's nickname??

**TS:** ARE YOU CALLING ME HOMOPHOBIC?!??!?

**GF:** Yes!

**TS:** WHY

**TS:** DEAR FUCKING GOD WHY?!?!?!??????????

**GF:** You aren't taking me seriously! The bodies were asking to be killed! They were bastards! They did not respect the grind Tim!

**TS:** I cant tell if you're joking or not

**GF:** oh of course I am haha they're just prossps iys likee an arg haha I'm just really good at editing and sfx aha

**TS:** ah yeah that tracks

**SJ:** ALJDALJEOWNE!*#&^×*÷,!?@(!*×@,?@,#,@?@,@?!?@??@?@??@?@?@

**MB:** two twrucks having sex. twwro twrucks having sex uwu my mwu 

**MB:** whyd sasha and jon look directly at each other before immediately starting to speak in animal crossing language

**Ollie:** aminal crossng

**MB:** yeah

\--

**Daisy:** you guys ever remember the soup store video

**Jonny:** All the time. Every day. Not a day goes by without me thinking about it.

**Nikki:** Unrelated But Do You Guys Remember When I Got Us Arrested!

**Jonny:** Which time.

**Nikki:** The Time When Oliver Was Ashamed And Was Forced To Drive His Twink Ass To Pick Us Up

**Jonny:** oh

**Daisy:** god why would you remind me of that Nik why

**MK:** ???!?!?!?

**Daisy:** The cop: papers?

**Daisy:** Nikola, immediately: Scissors, Fucker! *drives off*

**Daisy:** *rough cut*

**Daisy:** Oliver, exasperated and exhausted: what. Do you. What do you m e a n you've been arrested?

**Daisy:** Jon: . .,.,. ..,.,. well-

**MK:** HAKDHAKDHWK RHWAT THE FUCK

\--

**TS:** me, trying to flirt with my boyfriend, as you do, pointing out his lockscreen that shows us kissing: Haha is that your bf???;)

**TS:** jon, this fucking man, what the fuck, immediately: haha… well… that's very sweet but bigfoot doesnt belong to any of us you know

**TS:** JON WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

**Jonny:** yeah❤

**TS:** WHAT THE FUCK

\--

**TS:** god danny really just asked me to meet up w him tonight huh

**TS:** this isnt poggers AW FUCK NOOOOO

**TS:** I'm.

**SJ:** POGGERS?

**SJ:** timby.

**TS:** I PICKED IT UP FROM THOSE FUCKING STREAMS YOU WATCH SHUT UP

**SJ:** Don't Blame Me For Your Crimes

**TS:** you say funky fresh irl shut the hell up

**SJ:** How Dare You

**Jonny:** Hey. Danny? Hey, Tim, what the fuck. Danny??

**TS:** oh yeah okay so

**TS:** he was like "you gotta meet the family"

**TS:** and I'm like what fucking family me mom and mother are right here fucker

**TS:** and hes like no my stranger fam

**TS:** and I'm like STRANGER FAM?

**TS:** and hes like yeah

**TS:** and I'm like fuck. okay. sure. fine.

**TS:** so now I'm going to a fucking circus tonight I guess

**Nikki:** Oh God.

**Nikki:** Hate That! Hate That So Much! No! Nope! Nadda! Do Not Come!!!(

**TS:** hey >:/

**Nikki:** Be Offended Pussy Do Not Touch My Family!!!!! I Will Die.

**Nikki:** Oliver I Am Forcibly Taking You With Me

**Ollie:** what

**Nikki:** Emotional Support Twink I Refuse To Go Alone

**Ollie:** I don't have a choice do I 

**Nikki:** Absolutely Fucking Not

\--

**Daisy:** is Andrew Garfield actually gay or is he just like really really extra about his allyship

**MK:** "statement was released. When asked about his sexuality, Garfield identified himself as a heterosexual but has said that he has "an openness to any impulses that may arise within me at any time."" Mr Garfield what the fuck does that mean

**SJ:** Garfield's straight until hes horny

**Basi:** Can you not say Garfield. Please.

\--

**MK:** okay i know that everyone’s said this at one point, but i genuinely want to know just what it is about elias that makes everyone lose the ability to be normal. like maybe it’s the lesbianism talking here but seriously? elias? that’s the man you’re frothing at the mouth for? i am begging you to reconsider. this man has never had and will never have game he will see an exposed ankle and faint from the shock. elias saw someone roll up their sleeves once and had to go home early because the sheer scandal was too much for his delicate constitution. somebody came into work with the top two buttons of their shirt undone and rosie nearly had to call the paramedics for him. he walked in on two institute employees kissing in the break room one time and spent the next two weeks feverish and near death from consumption. elias is lucky he never met oliver banks because then he’d have to live with the knowledge that he’s going to die not in a grand, dramatic confrontation but from seeing two people hold hands and being so disgusted and outraged that he ruptures an aneurysm. this man is the equivalent of a soggy piece of whole wheat bread and you people still eat it up absolutely disgraceful

**MK:** I HATE WORKING HERE

**MK:** EVERYONE EXCEPT US LIKE

**MK:** THIRST OVER THIS FUCKING MAN?

**MK:** I WILL KILL GOD

**MK:** OH IM ROSIE I THINK MY BOSS F U C K S

**MK:** AND HE DOES! _IVE SEEN IT_

**MK:** BUT THAT MAN DOES NOT HAVE ANY SEXUAL ENERGY

**MK:** STOP TELLING HIM HE DOES

**MK:** G O D 

**TS:** YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH RTRTRTRTRT

\--

**GF:** Tim, get in the car, dude. We're heading out.

**TS:** ????? What.

**GF:** Get… in the car? I'm outside your house? Danny's waiting, dude?

**TS:** H

**TS:** HOW DO YOU KNOW MY BROTHERS NAME AND HOW DID YOU GET MY ADDRESS.

**Nikki:** ?!?!??! What!

**Nikki:** Tim You Have Two Brothers Named Danny?

**TS:** i i i i i i i i 

**GF:** yeah he does lol tim get in the CAR

**TS:** what the fuck okay fine jesus fuck oh my god

**GF:** Hell yeah poggers

\--

**SJ:** in theory I know Nikolas voice in action every single time I read her messages I hear miette

**SJ:** nobody:

**SJ:** the little nikola in my head: you KICK miette?!?! you kick her body like the football? oh! oh! jail for mother! jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!!!!

**Jonny:** that's 

**Jonny:** That's just Nikola.

**Daisy:** yeah fr

\--

**AC:** someone rp a tumblr post w me

**MK:** which one

**AC:** My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

**MK:** OHOHO

**MK:** do they smoke weed?

**AC:** Yes, actually.

**MK:** you mean she isnt just smoking a cigarette? but a weed cigarette?

**AC:** It’s called a bunt…. Not weed cigarette… And yes, it is a weed bunt. They all smoke weed bunts before we kiss. (They are my girlfriends,)

**MB:** please dear god dont do this whole post

**MK:** They don’t look like they smoke weed.

**AC:** Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You. I’m so angry you are so lucky my three weed smorking girlfriends are rubbing my shoulders to calm me down I’m so mad.

**MB:** PLEASE,

**SJ:** Your “weed smoking girlfriend” has a Hello Kitty tattoo on her belly. The one in the middle.

**MB:** SASHA ?!?!?!??!

**AC:** I printed out a photo of your avatar and taped it to my punching bag that I punch and I mutter your URL with every strong punch I punch you twerp…. Don’t ever Talk about Blaiz or the wicked Tat(tattoo) I drew on her ever again I Don’t wanna see you standing outside my home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again ok leave us alone this is the FINAL FUCKING WARNING 

**HR:** Well that escalated quickly……

**AC:** What, was that? Hmm? Come again. *Blaiz grabs my shoulder* Come on Jory, they aren’t worth it, please. * I jerk my shoulder shaking her hand off* NO! NOOOOO!!! *starts to just pummel you with my big fucking fists. With each blow I let out a furious yell. The blows come quicker and harder and the yells get louder. I’m yelling so loud and now I’m crying. BREAKING POINT. The week was hard and I can’t take anymore. I’m opening sobbing at this point while you blood gurgle. All three of my girlfriends struggle to pull me off and they finally succeed and lead me away from the goo pile that is now your body*

**MB:** I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I

**Jonny:** haha oh my god who even is this dude? someone needs some anger management classes. love how he keeps reminding us that “I HAVE THREE GIRLFRIENDS”, “THEY ALL KISS ME”, and “THEY SMOKE WEED HURRP DURR”. and let’s not forget the “Blaiz” and her “wicked tat”, or that he doesn’t “wanna see you standing outside [his] home at 3 am holding your weird dripping brown bags ever again”, and that this is “the FINAL FUCKING WARNING”. “the goo pile that is now your body” i’m dying over here, jesus please, Jory, come challenge me to a bout of internet witticsisms; i promise, it’ll be fun.

**MB:** JONATHAN WHYYYYYYYYYYYY

**AC:** *shoots you dead* Heh, idiot…

*leaves with my three weed smorking girlfriends to go hold hands and kiss.*

**MK:** this dude playin omg 

**AC:** Come again? *The bar falls silent. No one dares to make a sound, as you have just said a very poor choice of words at a very dangerous time. I remain slumped over the bar, not looking back to you. One hand limply holding an almost empty bottle, the other hand cradling my head. I repeat the question, this time louder.* Come again?! *You can hear me slur the words, the sentence sounds like a real struggle for me to get out. I’m clearly intoxicated. A bead of sweat rolls down your face as you realize you might have just fucked up in a very major way. Everyone else in the bar is pretending to not notice what is going on. The bartender idly washes a mug with a cloth. His eyes are closed and he’s muttering something to himself. A handful of people hurriedly leave. One person looks back at you, a look of sorrow on their face. They almost say something, but shake their head and cast their eyes down to the floor, and leave. But not you. You stand, petrified. A quick look at me reveals I’m still at the bar. You look to the exit, there’s still time. But there’s not, there’s not, there’s not. Your fate was sealed the moment you opened your mouth.* Mother fuck.. what did you say?! *I slowly rise from my stool and being to lumber over to you. I look a mess. My hair is unkempt, I haven’t shaved in what looks like months, there are dark heavy bags under my eyes, my shirt is stained and has holes in it, and I’m missing a shoe. But the main thing you notice is the gun tucked into my jeans, and my massive muscle arms that look like they were made for punching. You know that song about the boots that were made for walking? Yeah, it’s like that only instead of boots it’s my muscles and instead of walking it’s punching. As I drunkenly sway over to you, you think of your family… Will they mourn you, or will they try and forget this blotch of stupidity, that their child insulted the Jory publicly, ever happened to their family? Your thoughts are cut short as I now stand face to face with you. I grab your face and pull you even closer.* Playin?! There was nothing playing… no playing you fuck. No playing… it was real.. the realest thing I’ve ever know.. felt… Love. I loved them… Blaiz…. Chas-Chas… Funk… I loved all three of em… but they…*My face is wet with tears and I’m blinking constantly in vain to hold them back.* They left me… left… *Almost instantly the sadness leaves my face and is replaced with pure anger.* Playin? Playin?! *My hand leaves your face and starts to head to what you think is the gun. You close your eyes and see God looking at you, shrugging. ‘Pft, you brought this upon yourself dude.’ He says as he waves his hands at you dismissively. But instead of the gun, my hands grab yours. Your eyes jolt open and the anger is gone from my face. There is only sadness.* Left me… * I fall to the floor and sob.*

Wow, grow up. *You say before you leave the bar but are hit almost immediately from a car and are killed upon impact.*

**AC:** thanks gamers

**MK:** oh of course

**MB:** hell. That is what this place is. Hell.

\--

**SJ:** okay now that Tim is gone I can legally thirst after him

**AC:** god okay het 

**SJ:** Shut Up I Am Byed Sexy Whale

**AC:** no>:/

**SJ:** Fucker

**Jonny:** Tim Stoker simp society.

**MB:** yeah<3

**HR:** Comphet: Timothy Stoker.

**Basi:** Yeah, retweet. The aesthetic of that man, fuck.

\--

**Nikki:** Wait Graham Why Are You Here

**GF:** wdym

**Nikki:** Why Are You Here.

**GF:** Wait. Oh. Hm.

**GF:** Well, fuck, knew I forgot something at home.

**GF:** Not a pog moment. Damn.

**MB:** tim how you holding up??

**TS:** we have not said a single word it is SILENT we are just Staring at each other

**TS:** it's just fucking 👁👁

**TS:** it's so loud and yet I can still hear my inner voice HATING this

**Daisy:** Tim Stoker you dumb bitch

**TS:** WHAT AM I MEANT TO SAY DAISY???

**TS:** hey bro know it's been years and I thought you were dead but what's up I know weve been purposely ignoring doing this but😀 what's up? what's popping? hm?

**MK:** hey brother bro kiddo little man small kiddo my dude lil man what's up been a while huh😼

**AC:** dannyyyyyyyy what's up my guy my dude aha this is a nice place you got what's up??

**MK:** danIELLLLL this is some nice food my bro

**TS:** I fucking will melanie dont test me I'll say this I fucking will 

**MK:** t i m 

**TS:** LISTEN.,.

**Ollie:** its almost funny if it wasnt literally so sad and awkward

**TS:** shut up twink you are JUST as uncomfortable

**Ollie:** oh I absolutely am I have no fucking clue where Nikola went and I'm too afraid to read up and she if she mentioned leaving

**MK:** HAKDHALRHAKHD

**MK:** that's me at this chat constantly

**MK:** I've never read up a day in my life I won't start now

**AC:** reading up in this chat specifically is like reading a book except it keeps getting worse and you didn't even make it worse that time

**Nikki:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AN AVATAR OF THE STRANGER??!??@!!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!!!!?

**GF:** Why would you call me out like that. On main, no less.

**AC:** HEY WHAT.

**MK:** ?!!??!?!

**GF:** Nikola, why. 

**GF:** Did you not know?? I thought you were also playing along?? I thought that was why you never questioned this shit??????

**Nikki:** I DID NOT KNOW

**GF:** Oh. Hm.

**GF:** I mean poggers on my part I guess but what.

**GF:** Nik, how.

**Nikki:** I DON'T KNOW I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST FUCKING WEIRD I DIDN'T REALIZE I

**Nikki:** DOES OLIVER KNOW?

**Nikki:** OLIVER DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS??????????????

**Ollie:** know about what

**Ollie:** WHAT

**GF:** No, of course he doesn't know!!!!!! I played along for ages!!!!

**Ollie:** BABE WHAT WHY WHAT THE FUCK

**Jonny:** Flashbacks.

**Basi:** God.

**GF:** I don't know! It made you happy to think I wasn't affiliated with an Entity? And you never mentioned being an End avatar until recently anyway??? I just? I thought it would make you happier if I just played along?

**Ollie:** THATS REALLY SWEET AND I LOVE YOU BUT WHAT THE FUCK

**Nikki:** DID ANYONE FUCKING KNOW??@?@?@@?@?@?@??!?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

**SJ:** I mean.

**Jonny:** Yeah. Me and Sash. Eye shit, yk?

**Nikki:** A N D Y O U N E V E R S A I D A N Y T H I N G ?

**Jonny:** Well in MY defense I thought YOU fucking KNEW being a goddamn AVATAR OF THE STRANGER NIKOLA

**Ollie:** IS THIS WHY YOU NEVER REACTED TO ANYTHING ENTITY RELATED?

**GF:** Yeah??

**Ollie:** GOD I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE UNHINGED

**TS:** IM YELLING WHAT IS HAPPENNNINGGGGGGGGGGGG

**Nikki:** WAIT DID GRAHAM DRIVE YOU HERE TIM???

**TS:** YES?!??!?!??! HE SAID HE WAS IN CHAT??@?@???

**TS:** NIK DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK IT WAS A DIFFERENT DANNY

**Nikki:** _YES?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!????!?!_

**TS:** OH MY GOD

**Jonny:** I mean Graham _is_ unhinged.

**Ollie:** I MEAN IN THE NON ENTITY WAY, JONATHAN

**Jonny:** Fair.

**HR:** I feel like I should say I also knew!:^]

**Nikki:** WHAT!

**Nikki:** HELEN!!!!

**Nikki:** WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND

**Nikki:** THIS IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING BETRAYAL

**HR:** I thought it was amusing. :^[

**Nikki:** IT WAS N OT T

**Ollie:** I cant function

**GF:** [that one tiktok sound that's like the worst performance of my career and they all believed it]

\--

**SJ:** wait

**SJ:** wait graham

**GF:** ?

**SJ:** if you're an avatar of the stranger does that

**SJ:** does that mean the bodies ,

**GF:** No comment.

**SJ:** GR A HA M???!?!

**GF:** YOU ALREADY KNOW SO NO COMMENT

**SJ:** GRAHAM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so fucking unhinged in this I'm so sorry gamers next chapter will be slightly less batshit anyway considering we never technically heard Graham's voice + because. B. Because hes a fucking avatar of the stranger now I just. Imagine him with an American accent even though he WAS born and raised in London because, and I quote "stranger shit dude idk" I think it would be so funny anyway thank beck for this even if you dont know them they helped me do this monster of a concept and I owe them my life now actually
> 
> nd thank you to that one tumblr user who made this fucking lesbian elias rant because RETWEET!!!!! RE FUCKING TWEET GOD
> 
> also!!!hopefully to come out soon is a ~new-ish server!~ I'll release more info on it when I actually release it but😼 things are happening<3


	24. follow my twt gamers

**Gerry:** hey what

**Gerry:** hey what the fuck is happening on twitter

**Gerry:** HEY????? HEY WHAT THE FUCK??? ELIAS YOU AND LEITNER FUCKED?!?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

**Head Archivist:** Gerry, were you not… aware?

**Gerry:** WHAT THE FUCK ?!?!??!@? NO?!?!?!??!?!

**Head Archivist:** I… ah. I'm sorry you had to find out in this way.

**Gerry:** IM GONNA FUCKING CRY THIS IS LIKE WALKING IN YOUR PARENTS FUCKING

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** We know, Gerard. We saw your tweets.

**Gerry:** SHUT THE FFUCK UP LEITNER YOU FUCKED JONAH FUCKING MAGNUS

**Sugar Baby:** And Shawn Mendes.

**Gerry:** _WHAT?!??!?!? WHAT THE FUCK._

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** Oh here we go. Good job, Elias. You riled up the ghost boy. Congratulations. Jesus Christ.

**Sugar Baby:** Fuck you, Jurgen.

**Motherfucking Jurgen Leitner:** I believe it was the other way around, was it not?

**Gerry:** SHUT!!! THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT UP I HATE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH I WISH I WAS STILL FUCKING ALIVE SO I COULD CRUSH YOUR SKULLS IN MY HANDS AND REDUCE YOU TO NOTHING BUT PETTY ASH IM FUCKING SICK OF IT HERE LET ME OUT!!!! LET ME FUCKING OUT

**Gerry:** IM SO TIRED IM SO SOSOSOSO TIRED ITS ALWAYS THIS SHIT WITH YOU GIYS ITS ALWAYS THIS FUCKING SHIT ITS NEVER SIMPLE THINGS LIKE OH SIMON KILLED A GUY! OOPS! OH GERTRUDE IS RUNNING AWAY WITH HER FIRE GIRLFRIEND! NO ITS THIS SHIT ITS THIS FUCKING SHIT

**Gerry:** "I FUCKED LEITNER" SHUT UP IM SICK OF ALL OF YOU WHY CWNT WE BE A NORMAL FUCKONH FAMILY

**Gerry:** I WISH THAT I JUST PASSED ON BUT NOOOO IM STUCK HERE IN HELL

**Gerry:** I TRY TO SCREAM BUT I HAVE NO ENERGY LEFT

**Gerry:** I HATE BEING A GHOST I HATE BEING A GHOST I HATE BEING A GHOST I HATE BEING A GHOST

**Gerry:** ID DO ANYTHING TO SIMPLY NOT BE HERE

**Vastly Horny:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

\--

**Sugar Baby:** Gerard. Stop breaking my things.

**Gerry:** FUCK YOU

**Head Archivist:** You do deserve it, you know.

**Sugar Baby:** Ugh.

\--

**Bro We're Spiraling:** caaaann t thisss n. Ot. Bee e e e tt t t thheee. W. e ek. Of. Gerry haaavvivng a AA breakdown. Ov.errr Elia. S sss aand JURGEN LEITNER. FUCKING.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** PPPLEEA. Se.

**Head Archivist:** Too late, Michael.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** FUCK.

**Head Archivist:** Also. Michael, why… God. Why are you typing like that. You can type like a regular person. Jesus.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** Huh? Oh.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** Forgot what chat I was in, sorry, Archivist².

**Head Archivist:** … I feel like we've been over that name, Michael.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** lol ok and

**Bro We're Spiraling:** I like Sasha more than you, she's my Archivist. Not you. Get fucked.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** Not my Archivist 2020, or something. I don't know.

**Vastly Horny:** I've fucked almost everyone in this chat, if that makes you feel better, Gerry.

**Bro We're Spiraling:** I. 

**Bro We're Spiraling:** In what fucking world would that make him feel better??

**Gerry:** HUH. WHAT. WHAT.

**Gerry:** I MEAN IM NOT SURPRISED BUT WHAT. ELABORATE. IMMEDIATELY.

**Vastly Horny:** Well, Elias, Elias in literally all of his other forms prior to Elias. Peter. Gertrude, that one time. Jurgen, on multiple occasions, actually.

**Head Archivist:** We do not speak of that, Fairchild.

**Vastly Horny:** that was a trip tho ngl

**Gerry:** IM GOING TO CRY.

**Vastly Horny:** I simply have that much big dick energy

**Gerry:** STOP GOD PLEASE

**Vastly Horny:** I don't even wanna start on "outside of this chat." Like, Fears above! We'd be here all night, lollll

**Gerry:** IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE

**Vastly Horny:** I mean for starters theres Mike my sugar baby

**Gerry:** SIMON.

**Vastly Horny:** that one corruption avatar… john… something

**Vastly Horny:** hmm who else

**Gerry:** I DONT WANY TO KNOW I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW I AM FINE WITHOUT THIS KNOWLEDGE PLEASE

**Vastly Horny:** oh some of the other members of the lukas family

**Gerry:** I was born with glass bones and paper skin. every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. at night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.

\--

**Head Archivist:** I'm adding more Avatars.

**Sugar Baby:** WHAT

**Sugar Baby:** Gertrude. Don't you fucking dare.

**Sugar Baby:** Change my username first you bitch.

**Head Archivist** added 4 people to the chat!

**Sugar Baby:** GERTRUDE.

**JPWRM:** ???

**Head Archivist** changed 4 names!

**Wiggles:** Gertrude. What?

**Head Archivist:** Welcome to hell. I'm sick of being outnumbered by Elias fuckers.

**Sugar Baby:** You. Literally are not, Gertrude.

**Head Archivist:** Four to three, fuck off.

**Head Archivist:** I'm counting you as an Elias fucker. I know if you could you would.

**Sugar Baby:** I.

**Darling:** !

**Darling:** Hello, Gertrude. :)

**Head Archivist:** Hello, love! <3

**Sugar Baby:** gags

**Head Archivist:** I'll kill you. 

**Jared:** Hmm.

**Jared** changed their user to  **Trans Rights** !

**Trans Rights:** Better.

**Sugar Baby:** YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR USERNAME?

**Horny For Fire:** Nickname.

**Sugar Baby:** WHATEVER

**Trans Rights:** ?? Yes?

**Sugar Baby:** HOW

**Head Archivist:** Nobody fucking show him.

**Sugar Baby:** YOU FUCKING BITCH

**Horny For Fire:** Wait. Elias? lolll nvm I'm not showing you shit

**Sugar Baby:** GODDAMNIT

\--

**Gerry:** I have one foot in the grave but like

**Gerry:** okay well literally. I'm a ghost. but also like

**Gerry:** the flirty way. a funky fresh kinda flirty kinda way yk?

**Gerry:** like… maybe at my angle my fishnet stocking might roll down. maybe my leather jacket is halfway off.

**Sugar Baby:** Are you, dear God. Are you fucking stupid.

**Gerry:** I am not dear nor am I god but I will kill them!

**Gerry:** also yeah like. yeah. but what made you ask.

\--

**Sugar Baby:** Simon. Stop saying "Happy birthday, Eli!" Every single fucking time you hand me something. 

**Vastly Horny:** no❤

\--

**Darling:** Just found out that the man who invented Goldfish crackers made them fish shaped because his wife was a Pisces, and he wished to make something for her. I will never recover from this, actually.

**Head Archivist:** Oh. Oh. That's. That's lovely.

**Gerry:** oh FUCK

**Gerry:** love is stored in the goldfish cracker………….

**Sugar Baby:** God, that's pathetic. Really? Really? Doing all of that for a fragile "love" that probably didn't even last? Fucking hell.

**Darling:** Maybe. Just maybe, Bouchard, you should take a fucking nap, and then never speak again! How about that, jackass? Hm? Hmmm??

**Gerry:** loving someone to the point of invention is fuckinh adoring, elias eat shit

**Sugar Baby:** No, actually. I don't think I will.

**Gerry:** fine. plant fucker.

**Horny For Fire:** HUH?

**Trans Rights:** I'm sorry, what.

**Wiggles:** REPEAT THAT GERRY

**Sugar Baby:** And what of it, really?

**Sea man:** Elias.

**Sugar Baby:** Yes.

**Sea man:** I'm going to kill you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello tma nation today I bring you this. tomorrow? who knows....
> 
> socials bc those exist now
> 
> cbggg related ones -
> 
> Tumblr: CBGGGverse
> 
> (we ended up making a whole bunch of cbggg rp twt accounts, so heres all the current users) (try nd guess who I am >;3)
> 
> @/GrahamN0t (Graham)  
> @/Eliasphobic (Melanie)  
> @/HeadArchivistGR (Gertrude)  
> @/TimjaminStoker (Tim)  
> @/BouchardMag (Elias)  
> @/StrangersFav (Nottie / NotThem)  
> @/burningbooks101 (Gerry)  
> @/avatarofthemoth (Martin)  
> @/w0rm_wife (jane)  
> @/jsims_private (jon)  
> @/danny_stoked (danny)  
> @/mothsnacks101 (Annabelle)  
> @/realjurgen(leitner)  
> @/sea_lover23546 (peter)
> 
> (I know I'm forgetting some but these are the main active ones I believe)
> 
> Personal -
> 
> Tumblr: EyeMug & ChaoticallyAnnoying
> 
> Twt: EyeMug
> 
> Instagram: ChaoticallyAnnoying


	25. annabelle assigns you an overwatch kin before killing you: more at seven!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!just a note w the Annabelle overwatch bit, it does get a bit real at times? references ptsd at one point, and some things that might make people uncomfy!!!be aware n safe gamers!!love u all!!

Gerry: I'm back fuckers

Gerry: I'm also not leaving

Gerry: unless.

Gerry:  :| I think you know. happens again.

Jonny: !??!???? How did you get in here???

MK: HANDJANDIWN GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

Gerry: IT HAUNTS ME MELANIE. FUCK YOU.

MK: suffer <3

TS:  nani??!?!????

\--

Nikki: And I'm Like, What? Oh. Oh No.

MK: AKSHALSJS FR????

Ollie: nikola please I'm so tired I'm begging you

TS: ???

Nikki: Shut Up, Thot!

TS: ALSKALSJ

Nikki: Anyway I'm Like Oh. Wow. I'm Honored, Truly, But I'm Afraid I Have To Go!

Jonny: Nik, don't, please, God, don't.

Nikki:  So I Start Shoving Breadsticks Into My Purse,

Jonny: Agony. I'm in so much pain. Don Cheadle word of the FUCKING day. Agony. 

Nikki: ))))

\--

Gerry: so I'm like oh this is the fucking worst, let me go tell my therapist

MK:  BRUH?@?@? you have a THERAPIST? YOU'RE. A GHOST.

Gerry: I still have depression bitch!

Gerry: anyway so I'm like hey man. listen. my house burnt down. f in chat for me right aha. no this is actually putting a extreme stress onto me

Gerry: and he fucking says

Gerry: "oh, I'm so sorry, gerry, but, have you done arson to deal with that?" sir? SIR?

MK: ALSJLAJDAKMA?!?!?$*#;×(÷,#>!,$*,@*#&$

MK: WHERE DID HE GET HIS LICENSE BECAUSE I FUCKINH NEED ONE

SJ: melanie king, therapist

MK: yes💖

\--

SJ: funniest or favorite fucked up if true Jon quote go

Georgie: *loud thunder* "Georgie I think Jesus just hit the woah"

Nikki: He Was Mumbling Under His Breath But

Nikki: "... Bigfoot But Shaven..." *Pencil Drop Of Realization* "Mr. Clean..."

Ollie: "JAKE FROM SUBWAY SURFERS FOLLOWED ME?!??@?@?" "jon WHAT"  "ON TWITTER??!?!?!??!?!"

SJ: "what if I put dni if you're a brit on my twitter" ".,.,.,.,Jonathan you're british?" "yes, and?"

TS: "get over your internalized furryphobia"

SJ: WHAT

SJ: TIM. WHAT IS THE CONTEXT.

TS: yeah <3

SJ: TIM?@?@?@??@?!??!?!?!??!

Georgie: oh and once we were texting nd "mfw (my face when) shawty is not like a melody"

Daisy:  "NO DICK DICK BONE? NO TEETH??!?!? HE DOESNT BELIEVE IN BONES. *HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN BONES!?!??!??!?!* DEER TEETH? DEER TEETH...."

Ollie: oh my god I forgot about that

MK: "tim is just like bart honestly" "yes"

TS:  HUH?

TS: WHO IS BART. WHAT.

Basi: "I'm, I'm going to kin God." "??!?!??!?!" "You heard me."

Georgie: in a terrible and I mean TERRIBLE zuko impression "vriska did nothing wrong, aang"

MB:  "moral of the story is like, get enough sleep or you'll kill your boyfriend I guess"

Ollie: "oliver. oliver. you don't understand. you ALWAYS have to support the three G's. the girls, the gays, and the goths."

MK: "you: happy and healthy lifestyle"

MK: "me: tormented by visions"

Nikki: "The Way We Both Did That... Great Clowns Honk Alike, I Guess!"

TS:  *to someone in the archives giving a statement* "This all reminds me of a man I came across many years ago - a blogger, I believe - who called upon his audience to wake him from his slumber to adjust some frozen delicacy in the oven. But, when the call came, he ignored it. And let his sticks char in the unforgiving heat. Tell me... when your call comes, will you leap into action? Or will you let yourself burn?" 

Georgie:  "It's wet, sloppy flesh, Georgie."

Georgie:  "SO WHAT IF CAIN MURDERED ABEL??? MAYBE ABEL SUCKED!"

GF:  "what the fuck is the negative version of poggers." "Dont you dare" "... 😼😈sreggop :)" "what the FUCK just came out of your mouth HOW did you SAY THAT"

Georgie:  jon, a year into our friendship: OH SO IM JUST BEING USED FOR MY HUMOR, HUH? IM JUST A TOY FOR YOU? A GOOF MACHINE, HM, GEORGINA??? HUH???

Georgie: me, on the verge of losing it, and yet still fondly: it's an important factor!

Georgie: jon: FUCK YOU

Daisy: "bee kink? Are bee kinks a thing? Can that be a thing? I don't want an answer. Leave the bees alone."

MB: hey hey hey Jon I know you're active remember.

MB: remember when

Jonny: WOW FUCK YOU GUYS

Jonny: Martin I Do Not Want To Remember

Ollie: ok nikola kinnie

Nikki: Jon Wishes He Had The Energy To Kin Me

MB: REMEMBER WHEN I WAS FUCKING WITH YOU AND SAID.

Jonny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MB:  "I DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF LYING, ITS SUPER EASY. YOU JUST SAY STUFF. MY MOM THOUGHT I WAS STRAIGHT UNTIL I WAS 18. YOU STILL THINK MY NAME IS MARTIN" AND YOU,

Jonny: IM GOING TO. KILL YOU.

MB:  YOU, JONATHAN SIMS, MY DARLING BOYFRIEND, WHO IS AN AVATAR OF THE EYE, AND SHOULD KNOW BETTER, IN BOTH TERMS,

MB: FUCKING SAID

MB: "WAIT, MARTIN, WHAT?"

Jonny: AAAAAAAAAAAAA

\--

AC: WIZARD LIQUOR?!??@?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?

MB: HUH!

AC: Wizard. Liquor.

SJ: is that a shop where a wizard sells liquor or is that a liquor only for wizards

MK: yes

Basi: You can only unlock Wizard Liquor if you're level 15+ in a magic based class.

AC: well fuck me I'm a fighter

Basi: Sucks to suck.

MB: FINALLY MY ARCANE TRICKSTER ROGUE COMES IN HANDY

MB: dark google Show Me The Wizard Liquor

SJ: Wizard Hut 🤝 Wizard Liquor

SJ: ??!??!where are they

\--

Jonny: heh

Jonny:  haha

Jonny: hahahahahhahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Jonny: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Jonny: HAH. HA. FUCKIBG. HA. HA!!!!! FUNNY JOKE, GOD! FUNNY JOKE! YOU SURE DID. DO IT! YOU SURE DID DO THAT! UH HUH! YEAH! YEP! HAHA. HA. HAHA!

Basi: Jon are you. Okay.

Jonny: I GOT KIN ASSIGNED FUCKING SHERLOCK DO I LOOK LIKE IM OKAY

MK: AKHSAINEKQNR NOT THE SHERLOCKCOURSE AGAIN

Jonny: did you know richard siken was involved in johnlock discourse? And. And bottom sherlock discourse?

Jonny: did you know that?

Jonny: I wish I didnt.

Jonny: GOD! I WISH I DIDNT!

Georgie: what the he'll this say? To many word

Jonny: IT SAY IM COMMIT CRIME SO MANY

Georgie: many crime??!?!?!

Jonny: YES

Georgie: fucking bet arson time😈

Georgie: wait no uh

Georgie: *throws on a cowboy hat, I'm suddenly on a house, I have a piece of straw in my mouth* well yee fuckin haw partner! let's go saddle up and *reads smudged writing on hand* round up some ugly things! get some of yer anger out! therapy doesnt exist here! only crime! yee! yee'd haw!

\--

TS: yallve heard of catboys. Now get ready for: fish boys

MK: mermaids

MB: its mergamer melanie jesus

MK: HUH ?

AC: why are we sending fish boys

Georgie: hngbvhbgbjgybgbjghbggjg fisshsj

Jonny: \- The Admiral.

AC:  .

AC: ok

Basi: Yallve.

TS: yeah<3

SJ: CAN WE TALK ABOUR FISH FOR A MINUTE THOUGH

MB: of course love 

SJ: they. Think. They're better then me

TS: how dare they

Jonny: Tell the fish I'm about to ceaseless watcher their asses

MK: MARTIN WHAT DO YOU MEAN. MERGAMER???? 

\--

MB:  I had a garden gnome once

MK: ok! Stop typing

MK:  martin

MK:  martin. Martin stop. Martin.

MB: and I'd like

MB: okay well I should give backstory first

MK:  I am begging you to do the exact opposite

MB: I'm like. 99% sure he was. Haunted

MK: hate it!

MB:  because I'd put him outside and then hed be inside? And it wasnt my bio mother bc she wasnt ever home and did NOT care enough about a GARDEN GNOME to bring him inside

MB: once I put him outside and I woke up to him on my bed

MK:  ?!?!?! MARTIN ?!?!?!??@?!?

MB: and so like

MB: I found out that the only place hed stay would be my closet

MK:  Screams

MB:  but like he HATED it

MB: he  Knew he wasnt outside

MK: ??????????

MB: hed get like

MB: angry

MB: makin my closet shake and rattle at night

MB: had to take everything out once because he was breaking my shit and ripping my clothes

MK: BUT YOURE ONLY 99% SURE HE WAS HAUNTED?!?!??!

MB: well I mean I dont  know

MK: MARTIN

MB: anyway point is I'd like

MB: ask him shit

MK:  SHRIEKS WHY WHY GOD WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

MB:  "gnome, what color is the sky?"

MB: "gnome, define freedom"

MK:  MARTIN?!?!?!@?@??@?@?@?!??@

MB: yeah!

MK: I'm crying now.

MB: rip!

MB: I still have him I think

MK: WHY

Daisy: fr?

MB: I think so yeah

Daisy: ............ Oliver,,,. Jon,,,,,

Ollie:  no.

Jonny: Fuck yes.

Nikki: Ohoho? Oh? Oh??? Are We? Are We Breaking Out The Ghost Hunting Gear? Hm?

MK: NO!!!

Daisy: gonna unhaunt a gnome

MK: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nikki: Fucking Bet

MK: ?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!??!?!?!?!?#&$&×[!?#;&#[×[2=<$&*-[×<=&#'hduri2kqndbfhei

\--

Ollie: you know that fucking meme where it's like

Ollie: that fucking song uh

Ollie: cat fucking a handbag yours only yours [unintelligible] it's no lie lisa in the crown [unintelligible] but like its muted until the it's no lie part

GF: C

GF: caramell dansen???!?!?!?!?!??!

Ollie: yeah that anyway that meme but it's me staring out of my window during the muted part and then when its unmuted its graham and nikola doing terrible things in the kitchen

GF: I. 

GF: yeah. <3 

\--

MD: Kin. Assignment time.

Jonny : WHAT. absolutely not.

MD:  yes you whore

MD: Archivist. :)

SJ: what's up

MD: Dominos :)

SJ: Michael. What.

TS: SO YOU CAN TYPE LIKE A NORMAN PERSON?!?!?!????????

MD: :|

HR: michael have you considered worm on string hair

MD: bad I hate it

HR: FUCK YOU

HR: fine I'm doing it now

MD:  wait no helen cmon wait a min

HR: NO. ITS MY THING NOW. FUCK OFF.

GF: worm on string but its alive and a pet

SJ: yes

TS: martin I'm kin assigning you dennys 

MB: this is getting dangerously close to the . Other. Restaurant conversation we had and I cant accept that . Stop this shit . Stop it .

Jonny: OH FUCK YEAH I FOUND MY STASH OF MONSTERS I HIDE IN THE ARCHIVES I FORGOT I STILL HAD THESE

MK: !?!??!?! JON PLEASE

\--

\--

**Jonny:** Fuck kins. Who do y'all main in Overwatch.

**Jonny:** I'm a Mercy main, actually,

**SJ:** god you're so valid I fuck w sombra😈😈

**TS:** mccree

**Jonny:** Oh. I'm going to kill you.

**SJ:** BABE NOOOOOOOOO NOT MCCREE</3</3

**Daisy:** Mei!

**Jonny:** God. As you should.

**Basi:** I'm fond of Echo, personally.

**Jonny:** Ohhh she's so cute.

**MK:** hanzo

**SJ:** You May Live To See Another Day

**MB:** lucio😈

**SJ:** YOU WILL NOT! MARTIN WHAT THE FUCK

**MB:** ??!?!?!?!?!??!

**TS:** me 🤝 marto 

**TS:** being disowned by sash n jon 

**MB:** 💔💔🤝

**MB:** WHY IS LUCIO BAD HES A KING

**Jonny:** If I see a Lucio I fucking floor it.

**SJ:** YES! exactly see jon gets it

**MB:** WHY??!??!?!??!?!?

**Jonny:** Lucio... homophobic.

**SJ:** he committed hate crimes against me and Jon and me and Jon alone.

**Jonny:** Lucio came into my house and called me slurs.

**Jonny:** Lucio wants me dead.

**Nikki:** Junkrat! Obviously.

**Jonny:** Absolutely not a shocker, Nik! Love you for that.

**MB:** LUCIO IS KIND AND LOVING AND IS NOT HOMOPHOBIC HE IS A BI ICON

**SJ:** mhmmmmmm sureeeeee

**MB:** ?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!

**Gerry:** ana lol

**Nikki:** God You're So Valid To Nobodys Surprise

**GF:** Widowmaker. Or Tracer. Depends on how serious I'm planning, tbf.

**Ollie:** reaper , orisa or symmetra

**TS:** REAPER? ok emo

**AC:** what the fuck is an overedwatched

**AC:** reaper???? Okay 13yo trying to pick out an edgy xbox user in 2008. Gonna call me slurs when I beat you in COD? Huh? Wheres you minecraft girlfriend bitch boy

**AC:** Lucio sounds like a fucking vibe he can survive

**SJ:** wait yes I love this Annabelle rate the validity of our mains

**AC:** what does it look like I'm doing:////

**AC:** orisa? Sounds like an angel. Same w mercury 

**AC:** mercy

**MB:** ah yes my favorite overedwatched character angle mercury zinger

**Jonny:** Yeah. <3

**AC:** shut the fuck up NEXTTT

**AC:** symmetra. okay kid who was in advanced math all throughout high school and heavily carried that on into your actual personality so when you found out you were basic at best you had so many breakdowns because that's what you wanted to pursue job wise and that's what you're known for but in reality you arent shit 

**AC:** aka okay gifted kid burnout

**AC:** Widowmaker? See my above response to reaper

**AC:** actually no

**AC:** you're 15 in your first discord gamer group and you wanna fit in with the boys so you try to act like them and it gets to a point to where you've tried so hard that when any other girl joins you're hostile because "what if they dont need me when she gets closer" "what if they stop liking me" "what if what if what if" but you dont realize how toxic that is to you and others so when you finally break out it in the coming years you immediately change all of your users and when people still, occasionally, say, oh, hey widow! or, yo, widowmaker! Been ages! Your skin crawls

**AC:** Tracer? Oh. You call yourself an artist when all you do is trace others work, you feel inferior to anyone and everyone else, you're tired, so tired, you just wanna be accepted for you, but it's been so long, everyone thinks of you from what you've lied about, you're always on edge, never letting anyone in, and if someone does get close, you spread lies about them, you get into fights, anything to push them away before they hurt you, or out you as the liar you are, because this is all you have, this is all you've ever had, and sure, you want more, but is the risk worth it? losing it all? you dont know. you dont try. you're stuck, and cant blame anyone but yourself

**AC:** junkrat just sounds like Nikola idk what you want me to say I'd be biased as hell

**Jonny:** JESUS FUCK

**GF:** OH MY GOD??!?? ANNABELLE

**AC:** that's my name yes

**AC:** Echo. Hm. Neurodivergent. You cling to robots and A.I and technology because that's what is familiar to you, it's like you, it doesn't know emotions, not like others do, it's unfamiliar to you. It hurts, but not like others, or when it does, people hurt it more, demonize it, scream and shout at how it's unfixable. Rotten. Rotten rotten rotten. And you wanna cry. "I'm not rotten," you whisper on those late nights, when its 2am and you have school tomorrow but you cant stop thinking, like a laptop that wont turn off. You watch humans, because you dont think you can be like them, not in the way you want. You are different. You are broken, you think. Broken. Rotten. Unable to be fixed. And when someone trusts you, believes in you, cares for you, you feel taken aback. Why? Is this a trick? Of course it is, you think. They're trying to hurt you, destroy you, turn you off for good. They aren't, though. They care about you, they don't care that you're different. You don't know why. It makes you feel worse, you've tricked them, you think, you've tricked them into thinking you're normal. It hurts. But not like you think it should.

**AC:** aka. Get therapy love pleasseee

**Jonny:** FUCKKKKK

**AC:** mccree. Nerd.

**AC:** it sounds like a rdr2 name

**AC:** is he a cowboy?? He sounds like a cowboy

**SJ:** IM.

**SJ:** holy shit

**SJ:** y. Yes hes a cowboy

**AC:** ha knew it

**AC:** mei? Hm

**Daisy:** Annabelle, I'm filled with so much fear

**AC:** yes good!!

**AC:** you're hurting,

**AC:** you feel sick, a lot, the walls always seem far too small, too close, you cant breathe, nobody understands, nobody, you want to claw at the walls until you're bloody, until you're out, even then you won't stop, you can't stop, staying in one place for too long makes you uncomfortable, the familiarity of it all hurts, aches, but you cant truly remember why

**AC:** sometimes, sometimes, during those nights that are far too cold, far to filled with an agony you cannot place, you almost want to

**AC:** and then you get a flash. A sensor. Memory or physical. That makes you recoil, makes you freeze, makes you beg, beg,  _ please no, I take it back, I take it BACK _

**AC:** you dont want to know

**AC:** and when you wake up the next morning, you'll be even more on edge, you want to run, run run run, you cant stay in one place, you cant

**AC:** you're also a sweetheart unless someone crosses you or your friends lol

**Daisy:** 👁👁'

**AC:** HANZO. GAY.

**AC:** mentally ill 

**AC:** prolly got some trauma

**AC:** a sip of ptsd

**AC:** be gay do crime but then you realize Crime Is Hurting Me I Will Be A Law Abiding Citizen

**AC:** whore

**AC:** as an adoring insult and also just you're a bit of a whore! as you should be!

**AC:** hm. Ana.

**AC:** Haha me

**AC:** no but

**AC;** you've fucked up, you've fucked up a lot, but you're trying, you are. Mom friend prolly. You care about everyone around you so much that it nulls itself, making you think you feel nothing at all, you do, though, you feel so much, please let yourself feel things, I know you messed up, you're still deserving of good things, I promise

**AC:** lucio v2

**AC:** hey, hey, hey neurodivergent kid who automatically became the class clown, who laughs at their own genuine questions as if they were jokes because you dont wanna seem stupid, because you dont want to be the joke, and not the one making it, you need a hug? Not that youd admit it, of course. You have things that you hold so close, you never let anyone know what it is, you cant, that would mean they're taken away from you, looked at by other people, and that's so scary, so so so scary. Because youd be made fun of, right? Laughed at? You dont really have any friends, do you? Nah, nah, course not, they might make fun of you, wouldnt they? Get close and then suddenly they're the one making the joke, but they tell you this right when you're getting attached, right? I feel sorry for you, little class clown.

**AC:** sombra

**AC:** u love ur friends send tweet

**AC:** I'm on the overwatch wiki now why are there so many characters 

**SJ:** HANSJANDIWNIREAN

**AC:** GOD MCCREE IS EVEN MORE OF A COWBOY THEN I MADE FUN OF

**Daisy:** do Jack Annabelle

**AC:** who

**AC:** ok

**AC:** BRUH

**AC:** WHAT THE FUCKKKK WHY HE LOOK LIKE THAT? OKAY HOMOPHOBIC DAD WHO MAKES HIS KIDS FEEL UNSAFE AT HOME

**AC:** FUCKING. UR HAVING AN AFFAIR ON YOUR WIFE. I JUST. I JUST FUCKING KNOW IT. FUCK YOU. ASSHOLE. FUCK YOU.

**AC:** rage in my VEINNNNSSS RAGE IN MY VEINS I'll kill you

**AC:** imagine having a fucking J name that's so fucking ugly oh my god

**Jonny:** Rude.

**AC:** jon

**AC:** jo on a than

**AC:** you're trans

**AC:** you gave yourself a J name

**AC:** why? Why?

**AC:** why would you do that to yourself you fucking fool

**AC:** you made your own fucking bed

**AC:** Dont be a coward. Sleep in it.

**AC:** J name looking fuck

**AC:** ok I go sleep now homk shooo

**Basi:** I.

**Basi:** Jesus fuck.

**TS:** HABSAJDJEH FUCK!

**TS:** jon she killed youuuu

**Jon:** blink blonk blink blonk what the fuck annabelle

\--

**Nikki:** And That's Why I'm Banned From All Applebee's!

**MB:** how r u not on a watchlist

**Nikki:** Do You Really Think Nikola Is My Real Name????

\--

**Jonny:** When older, cishet white men refer to "The Wife", I simply like to imagine they're all describing the same gigantic creature to whom they all wed.

**Jonny:** These men always seem to assume I already know who The Wife is, and what The Wife is like, after all. But, her nature and identity are a mystery to me. Perhaps, perhaps, if I knew, I too would be compelled to marry her. Perhaps there is no other choice. 

**SJ:** me and the boys at 3am looking for The Wife

**AC:** ideal date: we find and wed The Wife together

**TS:** AV.

**TS:** AVATAR. OF THE FLESH. ???

**Jonny:** Yes.

\--

**Jonny:** Gay rights.

**GF:** Gay rights!

**AC:** gays... get a few rights

**SJ:** ok lesbian

**SJ:** gay rights!!!

**AC:** well you dated this lesbian so😼😼😼

**SJ:** GRAHAM YOU FUCKING INFECTED HER ?!?!??!?!?!.

**GF:** cant be blamed for this! Gay rights

**SJ:** also yea but now ur dating jane so :/ ok lesbian

**SJ:** cottagecore and goth lolita lookin ass...

**AC:** I'm going to strangle you

**TS:** gay rights!

**TS:** wait what

**TS:** YOU ANS ANNABELLE DATED?!?!? WHEN?!????????

**SJ:** back in. what.

**SJ:** middle school?

**AC:** I believe so? Then I moved nd met martin yadda yadda

**MB:** WHAT THE FUCK

**TS:** ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?@??!!?

**Jonny:** Imagine being comfortable with your sexuality in middle school, can't relate.

**MK:** LAJSALSJALD MOODDDDDDDDD

**MK:** me, walking past any pretty lady, age 11: I Am Not Looking😳

**Jonny:** 🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝🤝

**MK:** oh also gay RIGHTS!

**MB:** GAY RIGHTS I GUESS?!?! WHAT THE FUCK

**Georgie:** bro you GUESS??????!??!?

**GF:** Martin homophobic????

**Jonny:** Martin homophobic. :/

**MB:** NO?!!??!?!??!

**Ollie:** gay rights but only for me anyway martin rlly said yes I'm bi yes I'm homophobic we exist<3

**MK:** HAJSHSKAHEKANDJSJDHW

**Gerry:** is. does. does an illegally downloaded copy of the shawshank redemption make a good birthday gift

\--

**Ollie:** I'm the strongest and sexiest fucking cryptid

**Jonny:** You also are drunk as fuck. Oliver, please.

**Ollie:** mothman wants what I have

**GF:** true

**Nikki:** Oh Nasty. Couples. Gags.

**HR:** nikola!!<33:^] do you mind if I come over???

**Nikki:** Oh, Totally!!! That's Totally Fine, Darling!! <33

**Daisy:** heh

**Nikki:** Shut Up 

\--

**Jonny:** God. Girls.

**Georgie:** GIRLS........

**TS:** RTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRT

**MK:** YEAAHHHH

**MK:** all girls.... good.......... they have.... my heart.... I see a girl I give dem a smooch.......... POC girls??sosos good...... trans girls?????????? Screams....... grisl....girls..... ss.endd twet 

**Georgie:** me, poc and trans: 😏😏😏😏

**GF:** idk what this "girl" ur talking about but I saw trans and like trans rights

**GF:** girls r aesthetically pleasing fuck it up icons

**Ollie:** ^^ what he said

\--

**Georgie:** okay so hear me out right so like

**Georgie:** you're with your partner and you're making out when the phone rings so like you answer it and the voice is like "what are you doing with my kid" and you tell them and they're like my dad is dead lmao THEN WHO WAS THE PHONE??@???????

**Jonny:** Yeah. Retweet.

**Georgie:** RLLY MAKES U THINK HONESTLY LIKE. DAMN.

**Jonny:** It does! Like. Y'all ever soup connect phone home cry change?

**Georgie:** YEAH!!!!!

**Daisy:** am I dying

**Ollie:** no lol you don't have your roots yet

**Daisy:** that's

**Daisy:** Oliver!! That's so depressing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ollie:** hah yeah

**Nikki:** Ollie! I Am Going To Give You A Hug Now! You Have No Choice

**Ollie:** ?!?!?!!? do not

**Nikki:** IT IS HUG TIME, OLIVER BANKS. SUCK IT UP.

**Daisy:** I'm hugging u in spirit :( <3

**Jonny:** ^^^^^^

**Ollie:** GET YOUR LONG ASS LIMBS OFF OF ME NIK YOURE CHOKING MEE AJSBEHHUGH

**GF:** He's fine. He dropped his phone when Nikola pick him up and curled around him on the couch.

**Jonny:** Nikola cat.

**GF:** yes <3

**GF:** brb going to coddle my bf

**Jonny:** oh my god? Couples? Disgusting

**SJ:** couples??? In this day and age???????? Terrible

**MB:** you two are. Cuddling rn.

**Jonny:** False. I would never be involved in premarital cuddling. How dare you, Martin.

**SJ:** yeah martin what the fuck

**MB** sent a photo!

[ Sasha James and Jonathan Sims are curling up next to each other on a gray couch. Their limbs tangled together as they visibly tap on their phones while a TV plays in front of them, the color illuminating them. We, however, cannot see what is playing.

The photo is being taken from a corner, with light behind it, we can only assume this means Martin Blackwood, assumed photo taker, is standing in a dining room, or kitchen, leaning out of the doorway to watch his partners, or perhaps just to take this photo. ]

**Jonny:** Oh. Photoshopped.

**SJ:** fuck u marto that's so photoshopped how dare u

**MB:** loud sigh

**Jonny:** Yes. We heard it.

**MB:** I'm goign to strangle you

**SJ:** bet

**Jonny:** No premarital choking in my Christian household.

**SJ:** PREMARITAL CHOKINGHAHSHEHENJD

\--

**MK:** strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs strawberry crocs 

**AC:** yeah❤

**Georgie:** is this a hint at what you want babe

**MK:** ST R A AW. BERU.YY CROCS

**MK:** sobs strawbery crocs

**Jonny:** Melanie. Strawberry crocs with the strawberry dress.

**MK:** OH MY GOD??!???!??!?!??!?@?@??@????!?

**Jonny:** Do it.

**MK:** STEALING ELIAS' CREDIT CARD RN HOLY FUCK

**Georgie:** okay one babe buy me the black one two WDYM HIS CREDIT CARD? YOU JUST? HAVE THAT?

**MK:** yes?? He does not hide it well

**MK:** also. Jonathan. Eye.

**Georgie:** DOES ELIAS NOT KNOW?

**MK:** the fuck he gonna do? Fire me? Good!! That's what I want!

**MK:** either way it's a win

**Jonny:** strawberry dress avatar of the love

**MK:** YWAH. YEAH.

\--

**TS:** what if like. We were born with whatever nickname(s) our soulmate(s) would give us

**MK:** Oliver's mom, sobbing: WHY DOES HE HAVE POGCHAMP ON HIS HEAD

**GF:** Romantic pogchamp, Melanie. Also. Bold of you to assume that's what I actually call Oliver.

**Ollie:** ah yes. because "motherfucker" is much less worrying

**GF:** I DONT CALL YOU THAT :((((

**MK:** what do u call our adored emo then coward

**GF:** >:( I call him love or locket

**MK:** ohjnhbbbhb

**MK:** locket cute what's the meaning

**GF:** .

**Ollie:** say it. Say It.

**GF:** I joking put a picture of him in a locket when we started dating and now I emotionally cant get rid of it

**MK:** AWE

**MK:** gay

**MB:** tim your mother's would be so concerned

**MB:** "why does he have THREE and why are they dummy, dove, and himbo?!?!???????????"

**SJ:** mine is just love three times over

**TS:** as it should be!

**AC:** dare I even ask who calls tim himbo

**MB:** me

**AC:** good job I'm so proud of you

**MK:** sasha calls tim dove then I'm assuming 

**SJ:** nah😎😎 it's all about that  _ dummy _ with a fond tone bro

**SJ:** jon is the only sweet only and that continues w martin as well hes like  _ darling!!<3 _ and I rlly just call him court jester on a daily<3

**MB:** god yeah it just be like that sometimes

\--

**Daisy:** hey Martin

**MB:** yeaaah 

**Daisy:** update on the gnome

**MB:** oh?

**MK:** HHHHH

**Nikki:** Oh It Was Definitely Fucking Haunted

**Jonny:** So haunted.

**Ollie:** haunted as shit

**MB:** good for him. what a vibe.

**Daisy:** he HATED you Martin

**Ollie:** so much hatred in a little man

**Nikki:** Okay Shortass

**Ollie:** I'm gonna set you on fire

**Nikki:** Do It Pussy! I'm Not Flammable! I Will Stare You Dead In The Eyes While The Fire Flickers Out From My Pure Big Dick Energy Do Not Try Me

**Ollie:** MURDER. ON MY MIND. IM GOING TO KILL YOU.

**Nikki:** TRY IT COWARD

**GF:** Halloween oreos out halloween oreos out

**GF:** oh?!?!? Haunted gnome?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?! Martin.

**MB:** yes hello graham folger popular twitch streamer and one of my boyfriends best friends

**GF:** how much.

**MB:** for. Him?

**GF:** yes

**MB:** .

**MB:** tell me what the fuck is the deal with airline food

**GF:** BET!

**MK:** ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?! ARE AIRLINES STRANGER OWNED?

**Nikki:** A Mix Of All Of The Entities, Really! But Food Wise, Spiral And Stranger Share It. ))

**MK:** a

**MK:** ah.

\--

**Jonny:** Statement givers, please do not look to me for advice. The man you see in front of you saw Venom three times. The last two unaccompanied.

**TS:** babe just buy a tom hardy poster

**Jonny:** You fool, you clown, you buffoon. He is only attractive to me in a lobster tank, looking frantically for answers that will not come.

**MK:** hot take venom was good

**Gerry:** that better not be a fucking hot take venom WAS good

**Basi:** Ah. Hello, monsterfucker fandom.

**Jonny:** Basira. You're dating a furry.

**Basi:** .

**Basi:** Now, I never said I  _ wasn't, _

\--

**MK:** what she says: I'm fine

**MK:** what she means: The TV show, iCarly, always portrayed Spencer as some bumbling idiot after dropping out of law school after three days, but, in fact, they disregard the fact that this means Spencer did, in fact, finish college with a degree, and knew enough about the law to pass his entrance exams and had good grades in his classes to be accepted into a law school. Therefore, the image that they portray of him being stupid is false, he was simply a man who realized his passions lied elsewhere. And that he wasn't going to a tuition for a law school studying that when his heart wasn't in it. He was a smart man with the knowledge, and the capability to do anything. And he chose his art.

**Jonny:** God. Yeah. As he should, really.

**Jonny:** I wish I actually had the courage to do music professionally. But, alas. I did not. And now I am. Stuck. Working at a murder archives. That I cannot escape. Hm. I really should be more freaked out about that then I am.

MK: shush ur litole head starbucks jon shush your litole head

**Jonny:** Stop it.

**Jonny:** It is weird how quick we just, accepted it, though. Like we're in a fucking sitcom or something. Oh! Evil boss! Oh! We can't quit! Oh! Things wish to kill us! Oh well. Time for goofs!

**MK:** It's called a coping mechanism you dumb whore

**Jonny:** True.

**TS:** Cursed timeline: everything is extremely serious all the time.

**Jonny:** I'm not friends with Nik, Oliver is morally gray, everything goes to hell.

**Ollie:** me? morally gray? I think you mean morally  _ gay _ aha I'll let myself out anyway that's so cursed

**SJ:** let's be real I'd die like three months in

**Jonny:** In this cursed reality, I never worked at Starbucks, which means I never met Martin, which means I never started to crush on him, which means I'd probably be an ass for like. A solid three years. Because I would think I would have to be. I also wouldn't have a solid friend group.

**Daisy:** CURSED. jon with no character development.........

**Jonny:** daisy you're a cop

**Daisy:** ILL KILL YOU

**Jonny:** you already have your lines down!!!

**MK:** FUCK,

**Jonny:** Melanie, our playful banter is just full on hatred.

**MK:** hmmm

**MK:** yeah<3

**TS:** when I went over to see danny, but in that world, itd be where I'd die

**Jonny:** Oh. Hm. No polychives.

**SJ:** BAD BAD BAD

**TS:** OH EW

**MB:** TERRIBLE CONTENTTTTT!!!!! BAD!!!!!

**Nikki:** Us Not Being Friends Is Very Sad ((( I'd Still Bother You!!!

**Jonny:** Nikola, in this universe: Jon. Drink this fucking water I ordered for you. Drink it. Immediately. It's good for you!!

**Jonny:** Nikola, in the Cursed Universe: Jonnnnnnnnnnnn >:3c I would like to  _ moisturize youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu _

**Nikki:** Yeah! Pretty Much

**Nikki:** Wait Would Me And Ollie Still Be Friends???

**Jonny:** I mean, this is the cursed bad world, so probably not.

**Nikki:** (((((((((((( No!!!!!((((( Ollie Boy Is My Best Friend That's Illegal Who Would I Even Be Friends With???? The Angler Fish????  _ Jon Are You Saying I'd Be Friends With The Angler Fish??? They Aren't Good Conversationalists!!!! I'm An EXTROVERT JONATHAN I NEED MY CONTACT _

**Jonny:** That's why it's the bad world, Nik,

**Nikki:** Fair ((

**Ollie:** jon you dumb fuck put money in the made nik sad jar

**Jonny:** FUCK

\--

**Nikki:** I'm Going To Kill Pennywise Myself For His Homophobic On Main Crimes

**MK:** NOT MY LGBT ICON</3333

**Nikki:** Shut The Fuck Up You Stupid Fucking IT Twitter Stan I Can't Fucking Stand You You Probably Have A Fucking Reddie Icon Don't You? Well? Well??? He's Not Dating That Stupid Fucking Bababooboo Baby Piss Man! I'm Oh So Sorry To Break That To You! Kidding! I'm Not! Grow Up! 

**Nikki:** You Want An LGBT Icon For A Clown?????? Go For Me! Or Jon!

**Jonny:** Rude.

**Nikki:** Or Danny???? LITERALLY ANYONE EXCEPT HIM OH MY GOD

**Ollie:** list of things that makes nik heated:

**Ollie:** \- podcasts, doritos, and pennywise

**MK:** PODCASTS?

**MB:** DORITOS?

**Ollie:** hm I see the error in my messages now

**Jonny:** You killed us all. You fucking ass.

**Nikki:** PODCASTS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE ACTUALLY I HATE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH OH LET ME FUCKING. SIT HERE. CONFETTI ON MY FUCKING TIDDIES. AS. WHAT? I GET LORE? PLOT? MAYBE? OVER THE COURSE OF WHO KNOWS HOW MANY TWENTY PLUS MINUTE LONG EPISODES? I CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD THAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THAT'S SO FUCKING IDIOTIC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**Nikki:** IF I MEET THE INVENTOR OF PODCASTS BECAUSE I KNOW THAT FUCKER IS AN AVATAR BECAUSE ONLY AN AVATAR COULD MAKE SOMETHING THIS FUCKED UP BUT IF I MEET THEM

**Nikki:** IM GOING TO KILL THEM.

**Nikki:** IM SICK OF IT HERE

**Nikki:** ALSO. DORITOS? NASTY. NASTY NASTY NASTY LITTLE ORANGE TRIANGLE "SNACKS" THAT TASTE DISGUSTING AND MAKE ME WANT TO FIND EVER BAG OF DORITOS EVER MADE AND BURY ALL OF IT SO NOBODY CAN SUFFER ANY FUCKING LONGER TO THE LITTLE CRIMINALS KNOWN AS "DORITOS" 

**MK:** IM LOSING ITTTTTTTT GO OFF?????

**TS:** sister snapped

**MK:** absolutely not

**Nikki:** Tim I'll Kill You I Am Already Filled With Rage

**Ollie:** update: list of things that makes nik heated:

**Ollie:** \- podcasts, doritos, and pennywise, and james charles slang

**TS:** sister snapped isn't necessarily james charles slang oliver

**Ollie:** you meant it that way, though

**TS:** I

**TS:** you got me there

\--

**Gerry:** you know that one meme that's like "david has learned the following traits of Evil David"

**Gerry:** "- Evil"

**Gerry:** that's og elias meeting elias before he became elias

**SJ:** HUH?

**Gerry:** yeah <3

**TS:** OG? ELIAS? OG ELIAS OG ELIAS ?!???????????????????@??@?

**Gerry:** yeah? do yall not know about oglias 

**TS:** NO??!?!??

**Gerry:** damn

**Gerry:** f

**GF:** Wait. You guys don't? Damn. Not a pog moment, gamers.

**Gerry:** right?

**TS:** GRAHAM HOW DO YOU KNOW???

**GF:** It's obvious? Like. Not hard at all? C'mon, Tim.

**Gerry:** yeah like it's just. jonah (elias) took over og elias and killed him and now hes elias

**GF:** Yeah! I mean, I learned about it ages ago, lol. Like back when Jon first got the job.

**Jonny:** Oh, we're talking about og Elias?

**GF:** Yeah.

**Gerry:** mhm

**Jonny:** Yeah. Kinda sucks. He sounded so much better then. *gags* Current Elias.

**TS:** !??!?@?!?@?@??@?@?@??@

**MK:** Yall didnt know about og elias?

**Jonny:** I thought the only one who didn't know was. You know. Peter Lukas.

**TS:** HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH

**TS:** your tim has broke down please kill him to restart

**SJ:** HUH

**SJ:** WHO. ELIAS.  _ JONAH??!? _

**Jonny:** Love. :( You're an Avatar of The Eye. :((

**SJ:** and I NEVER said I was SMART WITH THAT POWER!

**Jonny:** Still? I mean. Melanie told me like, two days in.

**SJ:** SHE WHAT

**MK:** did I not tell yall

**AC:** NO?!?!?!??!?!?!?

**MK:** rip?

**AC:** I NEED AN ACTUAL EXPLANATION RNNNN I DONT EVEN WORK THERE I NEED CONTEXT

**GF:** Okay. Well.

**AC:** NOT FROM YOU

**GF:** :(

**Ollie:** be nice to my boyfriend??????????

**AC:** no

**Nikki:** Be Nice To Graham, Annabelle. 

**AC:** bark bark bark snarl growl ruff ruff bark bark bark snarl snarl growl bark bark bark bark bark

**GF:** I'm explaining anyway, fuck you.

**GF:** Your current Elias, who I'll be referring to by his actual name, Jonah, saw that og Elias and Peter were gonna get married,

**TS:** I

**TS:** IM SORRY WHAT?

**MK:** nd like jonah saw elias and was like GOD YOURE GETTING? GHOST DICK? FUCK YOU and killed him and took his body lol

**GF:** Nottie lookin' ass.

**TS:** nottie?!??!?!??

**GF:** The Not Them?

**TS:** that answers nothing thanks

**TS:** ALSO. MELANIE. GHOST DICK?

**Gerry:** fog dick

**MK:** lonely dick

**GF:** Even  _ I _ hate this. And I'm  _ me. _

**MK:** f

**SJ:** I'm having a breakdown

**Jonny:** Aren't we all.

**SJ:** NOT OVER PETER AND (OG?!?!?)ELIAS FUCKING

**Jonny:** Oh.

**MK:** You arent? I've been since I found out

**SJ:** no I am that's what I just said

**MK:** no I was making a joke about you saying not over lonelyogeyes fucking and I was saying like who isnt once they find out

**SJ:** oh

**Jonny:** one foot in hell one foot in the hello kitty binder am I right georgie

**Jonny:** GOD WRONG CHAT

**Gerry:** god this place is worse then bastard incarnate lol didnt realize that was possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screams. At the top of my lungs.
> 
> 6k. Holy shit. Why did I write 6k. Oh my god.
> 
> Anyway enjoy nerds who is ur legally assigned overwatch kin? mine is echo now <3
> 
> oh oh oh!!for any friends thatve tried to contact me in the past week!!! my wifi stopped working so I'm kinda fucked:( I'm sorry!!I'm not ignoring you I promise!! I'll text u guys asap!!!!
> 
> ih wait god.
> 
> GOD..
> 
> I hate that I have to fucking say this but NO!!! THE MR CLEAN REFERENCE IS NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THE D... THE DIL. THE DILFCO- ITS NOT! its not. god.
> 
> I hate that I have to put this here scremas 
> 
> if I reused a bit I've used in the past w/o realizing no I havent❤❤❤


	26. jon is a little coward piss man

**Jon:** monster milk yum


	27. what a scary chapter also martin kills melanie asmr <3

**GF:** I.

**GF:** People really need to get a better handle on their kids?? Jesus?? But also. I have a teenager now.

**Ollie:** huh

**Ollie:** babe  _ huh _

**Nikki:** Oh? Oh Shit? Tea?

**GF:** Okay, so, like. I walk into this game store right, because of that giveaway I have going on for my twitch at the moment, and I go over to the Nintendo Switch shit they have up, because, hey, maybe they have one, and Oliver still needs his replaced, you know?

**Nikki:** Uh Huh!

**GF:** And there's this… sixteen year old? Like. And I need to make this clear.  _ Teenage Oliver emo. _

**Daisy:** TEENAGER OLIVER?  _ TEENAGE OLIVER EMO? _

**GF:** Teenage Oliver emo.

**Daisy:** oh my god……………..

**Jonny:** So. You adopted them, right. Right?

**GF:** This fucker  _ hissed at me. _

**Ollie:** oh my god it's me

**GF:** Babe. What the fuck.

**GF:** Okay so. Point is. I walked over there. And I saw them. They're like sixteen and I'm like oh, hey kid, what's up. Do they have any Nintendo Switches?

**GF:** And they look at me. And. Okay.

**GF:** Their eyes were neon yellow.

**GF:** Fucking. Highlighter yellow. 

**GF:** These motherfuckers  _ glowed. _

**GF:** And a flicker of recognition happened.

**GF:** They go " _ Graham? Graham Folger?" _ And I'm like oh shit, yeah, hi kid, are you a fan? Pog, what's up. And. They fucking.

**GF:** Hiss at me.

**GF:** _In kindness?_

**GF:** Like.

**GF:** Motherfucker looks at me. Stars in their fucking eyes. And  _ hisses. _

**GF:** I'm emotionally attached.

**Daisy:** god same

**GF:** They're a little Ollie. A little Oliver.

**Ollie:** _you guys didn't know me as a teenager._

**GF:** Yeah. And? And.

**Daisy:** baby oliver is my son like legally

**Nikki:** Yeah Heart Emoji

**Nikki:** He Was So Small!! Even Smaller Then He Is Now!! So Litole….

**Ollie:** I was five feet. at age 15. fuck you.

**Nikki:** Oliver I'm A Lesbian

**Ollie:** _I'M GAY???????_

**GF:** Babe. Babe. I'm bringing the kid home.

**Ollie:** WBAT

**GF:** I told you I had a teenager now.

**Ollie:** GRAHAM??!???

**Nikki:** Oo! New Family Member! So, They/Them Pronouns? What's Their Name?

**GF:** Yeah, they/them. I'll ask them about neopronouns in the car. Their name is Extinction.

**Nikki:** Oh Love That

**Nikki:** The None Biairynnary Energy! Incredible!

**GF:** Okay. They/them, die/death, poll/pollution, and xe/xem. Die also goes by Exie.

**Nikki:** Again. The None'd Binairriy Of It All…

**GF:** Nik, please spell non-binary right.

**Nikki:** No Fuck You Bite Me You Ugly Ass Stringbean Twink Looking Ass I'll Bark At You Bitch Boy

**Nikki:** You're A Dad Now Grahamathy You Have To Be Fucking Responsible And Be Willing To Accept Mistakes

**Nikki:** What The Fuck.

**Nikki:** Fuck You Graham. Fuck You.

**GF:** Kills you. Kills you so hard.

**GF:** Bites you.

**Jonny:** Kinky.

**Daisy:** I'm leaving this server. I'm leaving the fucking chat. agony

**Ollie:** VAN WR PLEADE GET BACK TO THE FACT THAY GRAHAM STOLE A FUCKING TEENAGER ?@?@??

**GF:** okay I didn't  _ steal _ them, love. C’mon.

**Ollie:** YOU STOLE A TEENAGER.

**GF:** Stole, claimed, offered a house to, same difference.

**Ollie:** NO ?

**Jonny:** Yes, heart emoji.

**Georgie:** yeah heart emoji

**Basi:** Are we just ignoring the fact that Graham apparently forcefully adopted a teenager on  _ Halloween? _

**GF:** Yes.

**Ollie:** iiiii

**Basi:** Alright.

\--

**Jonny:** This is hell. I'm in hell. I'm in hell.

**SJ:** Stop being a baby jon it isn't  _ that _ bad

**Jonny:** IM NOT WEARING THE CAT COSTUME SASHA

**SJ:** BABE PLEASE

**TS:** me and marto vibing as a deer and a bird while sasha, wearing wolf ears, tries to rangle jon into wearing cat ears and a tail

**MK:** _thats_ your halloween costume ???????animals????

**TS:** oh no this is for the archives trust me our actual costumes fuck

**MK:** ah

**Nikki:** It's A Saturday, The Fuck You Mean Archives?

**TS:** bold of you to assume we get weekends off

**MK:** 😔💔 god I wish we did

**Nikki:** YOU DON'T GET WEEKENDS OFF ???

**Nikki:** You're. You're Fucking With Me, Right? You Get Weekends Off, Right?? You're Fucking With Me?? Please??

**TS:** nah

**SJ:** we get like, tuesdays off sometimes

**Nikki:** _WHY TUESDAY???????_

**MK:** listen don't ask us nikola you think we know???  _ you think we know??? _

**MK:** but yeah our weekend is basically just wednesday and tuesday 

**MK:** maybe friday if he's feeling kind

**TS:** he's never feeling kind

**Ollie:** whats your actual costumes then

**TS:** oo okay so

**TS:** I'm nessie😌

**TS:** martin is bigfoot

**MB:** regretfully, this owl costume is comfy as hell

**TS:** sash is mothman and jon is also mothman bc they wouldn't stop fighting over it

**SJ:** I'm getting the super glue

**Jonny:** WHAT

**Jonny:** IM FUCKIBGIB RUNNING I HATE IT HERE 

**SJ:** LIKW FUCK YORUE RUNNING GET BACK HERE TWINK IM GLUING THIS TAIL TO YOUR FUXJING PANTS

**Jonny:** SASAG THESE ARE MY FAVORITE WORK PANTS LELASE

**SJ:** SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM LOVELY 

**Nikki:** Jesus Fuck! Anyway! I'm Dressing Up As Yoda

**Jonny:** .

**Jonny:** You're what.

**Nikki:** You Heard Me!

**SJ:** babe why did u stop in the middle of the street pls ur gonna get hit by a car catboy please 

**SJ:** OH

**SJ:** Nikola why would u mention y**a

**Jonny:** nikola. 

**Nikki:** Jonathan!

**Jonny:** _nikola._

**Nikki:** Jonny Boy!

**Nikki:** J-Sims!

**Nikki:** Jonny Simps!

**Nikki:** Do You Need Something From Me?)))

**Jonny:** I'm gonna fucking find you.

**Nikki:** Oh. Try It! Try It )))))

\--

**MK:** JABDJQNEIWJRHWJWNBFKSJDJDNWBDKWNDKWNROWJE PLEASE

**MB:** YOU DRESSED UP AS  _ STARBUCKS JON??? WHAT THE FUCK _

**MK:** Its funny

**AC:** god it really is

**Basi:** … I'm not at work. Pictures?

**AC:** likw melanie this is peak. you peaked

**MB** sent a photo!

[ Melanie King is in the middle of the photo, very obviously taken out of the blue, and yet, she still has time to pose, throwing out a peace sign. She's wearing clothes that Jonathan Sims would wear, along with a shitty party city wig, and drawn on stubble to make it accurate. On top is a Starbucks apron, that seems… very official? Where did she get it. She never worked at Starbucks. Her name tag is also very official, this is concerning, how long did she spend planning this? You don't want to ask. Jesus. ]

**Basi:** …

**Daisy:** why is Basira losing her shit

**Daisy:** OH

**Daisy:** LANDLANELQNSJDJS MELANIE THATS SO FUCKONG FUNBY

**Jonny:** That's like. Exactly what I wore once. Holy shit.

**MK:** I know :)

**Jonny:** .

**Jonny:** What.

**MB:** SHUR UPSHRU THE FUCK UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I GATE TOY I HATE YOU SO MUCH IM GONBAA BITE YOY IM GONNA GO FERAL AND FUCKING RIP INTO YOU I HATE IMYPU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

**Jonny:** HUH???

**MK:** well jonatahan you see before you joined the institute martin would talk aboUAYTUWHEJWJDBSK2RHJSKQNZNLQEN.,. @(×>@?

**Georgie:** MARTIN DID U JUST KILL MY GF⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

**MB:** MAYBE WHAT OF IT

**Jonny:** WHAT

**MB:** NOTHING TWINK

**Jonny:** LOVE ??????????

**TS:** @,÷*×*+(*#*@KANDKAJDJWKWNDV PLWASE IM FUCKING SOBBING MELQNIE AMD MARTIN ARE FIGHTONG IN THE LIBRARY HALL

**SJ:** god im running i need to see this

**AC:** TIM RECORD IT I DONT HQVE ANY SPIDERS NEAR THERE

**TS:** OF COURSE QUEEN DW!!

**Jonny:** HELLO+?+?+??????

**Ollie:** what the fuck

**Ollie:** I open this fucking chat after having to deal with the whole fucking teenager graham brought home and I see this shit huh

**Jonny:** Yes.

**TS** sent a video!

[ The audio is choppy, broken, as Tim cackles in the background, but that isn't the focus of the video. The focus of it is Melanie King, and Martin Blackwood. Who are fucking  _ fighting _ in the hallway. Melanie is on top of Martin, desperately trying to rip her phone from him. Martin is pulling it back, attempting to throw it somewhere.

Suddenly, Melanie pauses her attempt to grab at  _ her _ phone, and goes for Martin's. Martin does not expect this, and tries to stop her, but is too late. He grabs at her leg as she gets up, and causes them both to fall into each other once again. It's too late, though, as Melanie let's out a gleeful _ fuck yes! _ And the video ends. Tim and Sasha's laughter still loud and clear in the background. ]

**MB:** martfjn used fo tell us aboutttyou and wooudld explain what you wore every day y becausee he liked to hlgush about how everything just ""fit""yo. U 

**Jonny:** .

**Jonny:** Oh. That's so soft.

**AC:** oh yeah I remember those 

**AC:** they were very cute

**MK:** HAHAHAHAHAHWJEJWLNRWL EAT SHIT BLACKWOOF

**Daisy:** blackwoof

**MB:** DEACTIVATING BRB

**Jonny:** alsnalwn love nooooo

**SJ:** god and here we are

**SJ:** OH god that almost got  _ *gags* _ soft

**TS:** we can't be soft sasha!!!

**SJ:** noo

**SJ:** never

**SJ:** …

**SJ:** its nice being able to spend halloween with people I love

**SJ:** both in reference to like

**SJ:** martin jon and tim obviously 

**SJ:** but the rest of you as well

**SJ:** I'm so glad I got to befriend you all

**SJ:** I donr know where I'd be without you guys

**SJ:** love you all

**SJ:** truly

**Ollie:** thats really sweet sasha

**Ollie:** and god. same hat 

**SJ:** yeah!:) its nice 

**SJ:** I mean god

**SJ:** imagine if we weren't friends??

**Ollie:** fucked up timeline

**GF:** Is this that bullshit you guys were talking about before? Yeah. Cursed.

**Nikki:** Timeline Where I Kill Tim No Othy Stoker? Because That Sure Does Seem Ideal At The Moment!

**TS:** landlord NIK IT WQS SL SOFR

**Nikki:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS TIM? HUH? WHAT THE FUCK

**TS:** ITS UR HALLOWEEN COSTUME

**Nikki:** JS THIS SOME SICK JOKE STOKER

**Nikki:** OHHH LETS DRESS THE TALL LESBAIN LIKE A SEXY ENDERMAN???

**GF:** OH MY GOD NIK YOURE HALLOWEEN MIMECRSFY TOO??

**Ollie:** that is not a sentence 

**Ollie:** also. god fucking damn it.

\--

**SJ:** cryptid time hell yeah

**GF:** minecraft time hell yeah

**Ollie:** I don't want to be a zombie pigman love please.

**GF:** :(

**Ollie:** god fine you bastard 

**Heely:** That one cat meme that's like "butternut is a master of psychological manipulation" is just Oliver and Graham at each other all the time huh!!:^]

**Heely:** Cute! Gay people. :^]

**Daisy:** gay people aren't real heart emoji

**Jonny:** Okay lesbian. :|

**Daisy:** me? lesbian? no

**SJ:** daisyyy what r u and basira being for halloween:3

**Daisy:** oh I'm gonna be the plague doctor nurse plushie 

**Basira:** I'm being the actual plague doctor. Daisy just wanted to wear a dress.

**Daisy:** shut your mouth

**Basira:** Never.

**Heely:** I'm going as Isabelle from Aniymaled crossmig:^]

**Nikki:** I Was Forced To Be A Fucking Sexy Enderman And I Hate It Here

**GF:** I'm being a sexy creeper.

**Nikki:** It's Not Sexy If It's You, Grahamathy.

**GF:** >:0

**Ollie:** kinassigned pigman I guess

**Ollie:** I just wanted to wear my frog costume in PEACE but  _ noooo _

**AC:** I'm being a sexy web avatar

**SJ:** you literally didn't even change from last night's clothes ??

**AC:** and? **🤨🤨🤨** did I stutter

\--

**Jonny:** DID ELIAS JUST WQLK INTO THOS FUCKING BAR WEARING A MERLE HIGHCURCU COSYTUME

**MK:** _IS PETER WEARJNG A JOHN HUNGER ONE ?????_

**SJ:** at least it's accurate ????

**MK:** IM FUCKING ELAVEING

**Jonny:** MELANIE RONT LEAV3 ME BEHINR IM COMUBG WITH YOU

**TS:** HELLO ?????!?!?!????

**Ollie:** this teenager is still at the house

**Ollie:** xe has not left

**Ollie:** im also pretending that the conversation above is not happening because I don't understand it and I don't want to

**GF:** Babe like I said I adopted a teenager.

**Ollie:** I just don't get why they like you so much???

**GF:** Because I'm poggers??

**SJ:** JON MELANIE DID YOU TQO ACTUALLY LEAVE

**MK:** YOU THINK I WAS KIDDING?.??. FUCK NO

**Jonny:** HELL YES I LEFT ILL SWE YOU GUYS AT THE FLAT LOVE YOU!! HAVE FUN!!! BUT ABSOLUTELY NOT

**Ollie:** I'm not saying you aren't poggers but like ?? where are their parents

**GF:** I have no clue! We will cross that bridge when we get to it.

**Ollie:** So. Either tomorrow or never.

**GF:** Yep!

**Ollie:** I 

**Ollie:** fuck it okay i guess I have a kid now

**SJ:** IS ELAIS WALKIING OVER HERE?!?!?!

**TS:** FUCK FUCK FUCK MARTIN GOGOGOGO

**MB:** I AM

**SJ:** AAAAAAAAA NOOO GEROGEIE IM SO SORRY

**Georgie:** I am sitting here.

**Georgie:** I am  _ sitting here an dyoy left me _

**Georgie:** _to rot_

**Georgie:** _with your demon boss_

**MB:** AND ID DO IT AGAIN BAP BAP!!! SHOULDVE BEEN FASTER

**Georgie:** _ill find you martin_

**Georgie:** your days are fuckinv NUMBERED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Gay people aren't real" - Harper "Sharpie" Clowntown 2020
> 
> this is also a reminder to join the discorddddddddd :]] we love new people and also its so fun talking w fans !!:D
> 
> https://discord.gg/HuRH4jK
> 
> happy halloween guys!!!!!!!! also make sure to check out the neat spin off im posting like right after I post this!!>:3 also what did you guys go as for Halloween this year if anything???I didn't go out but I've been wearing bunny ears all night bc .......... buny enby ig😔💔


	28. how do you add a filler chapter to a chatfic. I don't know take it anyway

**TIM:** Wyoming, and it's capital is - 

**NIKOLA:** [Fearful] Hey. Hey Tim? Hey Tim? What The Fuck? Hey, Hey Tim?  _ What The Fuck? _

**TIM:** … What??

**SASHA:** TIM. TIMBY. WHAT.

**TIM:** We are  _ not _ bringing Timby back for a nickname -

**JON:** Yes we are, _Timby,_ _what._

**TIM:** What. I won. Don't be bastards about it.

**NIKOLA:** TIM. HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL FIFTY STATES AND THEIR  _ CAPITALS, BY HEART, YOU ARE BRITISH. _

**TIM:** I had to memorize it for Danny when he was ten.

**TIM:** He probably remembers it better than I do, honestly, I fumbled on a bit.

**TIM:** It was for like, a Geography thing.

**TIM:** Teacher said whoever could name the most states got a bag of candy and a gift-card.

**TIM:** And, I, me, Tim no othy redacted middle name Stoker, at the fantastic age of fourteen was like, oh, I'm absolutely gonna help you, dude. We're gonna rock this shit. You  _ are _ going to win.

**TIM:** So we just… memorized it? Once you have it down it's pretty hard to forget, honestly.

**MARTIN:** [Fearful] Babe. Dear. Lovely. I am fucking terrified of you.

**TIM:** _It's not that big of a deal??_

**NIKOLA:** Okay Eye Kinnie.

**TIM:** NEVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN -

**NIKOLA:** Anyway! I Don't Believe You!

**TIM:** What -  _ why would I lie. _ What. What is the point.

**NIKOLA:** You're A Little Bitch, Timmy!

**TIM:** NEVER CALL ME TIMMY AGAIN. WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE  _ FUCK? _

**NIKOLA:** I Absolutely Fucking Will, Timmy! Fuck You! Fuck You!

**TIM:** OH BITE ME NIKOLA YOU FUCKING PLASTIC HUMAN LOOKING MOTHER _ FUCKER- _

[ A pause as a  _ ping  _ rings out. Nikola has added Danny to the call. ]

**TIM:** Fuck you.  _ Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck- _

**NIKOLA:** [Cackling] I'm A Lesbian, Timmy Tim-Tim! 

**TIM:** [Agonized scream]

**DANNY:** [Waking up] Wh? Nik? Why'd you call me? It's like… 2am.

**NIKOLA:** Danny! Hello! I Have A Very Important Question! Very Important. Urgent, Even. It Simply Could Not Wait!

**DANNY:** [Confused, and bit panicked] What? Nikola, are you okay?

**NIKOLA:** Hmm? Oh! Yes! I'm Alright! Tim Was Just Making A Claim And I Need Proof.

**DANNY:** Oh.  _ Ohh. _ Wait. Is Tim on call?

**TIM:** Hey Dandelion, what's up?

**DANNY:** I'm going to fucking kill you. I told you to stop calling me that, fucker. You goddamn bastard. You fucking  _ asshole. _ You wake up and go oh, I'm gonna choose to be homophobic today, huh?

**TIM:** Yes. Gay and homophobic is my motto.

**DANNY:** I hate you. I hate you so much. You fill me with rage. If my partner wasn't asleep next to me right now I would be  _ screaming at you - _

**TIM:** _Partner??_

**DANNY:** Did I not tell you? Shit, uh, yeah I'm dating -

**NIKOLA:** Not Thee Point, Bastards! You Two Can Call Another Night! Why Haven't You Yet? Jesus Christ! Stop Being Emotionally Constipated! Sick Of This Shit! Why Am I The Only One Who's Going To Therapy? You All Obviously Fucking Need It!

**DANNY:** Jane Doe is _ not _ a reliable therapist, Nik, she's a Stranger Avatar -

**NIKOLA:** _It's Still Therapy, Bitch Boy!_ Also? You Go To Her Too! And? I Have A Human Therapist, For Your Information!

**DANNY:** …

**DANNY:** I can't even make a comeback to that. Fair. I guess.

**NIKOLA:** I Know It Is. Pussy. Anyway.

**NIKOLA:** Danny. Dandan. Con.

**DANNY:** I'm not your clown son.

**NIKOLA:** Yes You Are. You Are The Unofficial Official Stranger Kid.

**GRAHAM:** You really are, kid.

**DANNY:** _Since when the fuck were you here -_

**NIKOLA:** Danny. I Will Ask This Only Once.

**DANNY:** … Yeah, Nik?

**NIKOLA:** Do You Actually Know All Fifty American States.

**DANNY:** …

**DANNY:** _What._

**DANNY:** How is this. What.

**TIM:** Okay so. Basically. I was on a Team with Martin, right,

**DANNY:** Your boyfriend? The Web one, yes?

**TIM:** Hell yeah. Me and him against two Eye bitches, and we were naming all fifty states.

**DANNY:** … Why.

**TIM:** Yeah, heart emoji.

**TIM:** Because, like, Martin was saying that me and him would absolutely lose, but the thing was, if Jon and Sasha used their Eye bullshit, they lost. Because they're homophobic and do it all the time.

**TIM:** "Ohh, Tim, what's your cards?" "I'm not telling you." "Too late. ;))" Like the bastards they fucking are.

**SASHA:** Oh bite me, Timjamin!

**DANNY:** _ How long have all of you been on the call - _

**TIM:** I will  _ not _ bite you, James. As I am not  _ horny on main. _ Like  _ you. _

**JON:** I have not been processing any of this conversation. I am just listening to Legally Blonde, the musical, and grieving my failure.

**MARTIN:** F in chat.

**DANNY:** _HOW LONG HAVE YOU FUCKERS BEEN IN THE CALL??_

**TIM:** Back to the point, anyway, 

**TIM:** Martin was like, what the fuck, this is so unfair, me and Tim haven't even  _ been _ to America. And I was like, wow, babe, I got this, have faith in me.

**MARTIN:** I did not have faith in you.

**TIM:** Heart been broke so many times…

**TIM:** And so, we started and Jon and Sasha went first.

**TIM:** You guys got what, 25 states in total?

**SASHA:** …

**JON:** You know the answer to that, fucker.

**TIM:** [Audible :3 face] Yes I do.

**TIM:** Martin was even more convinced we were gonna fail.

**MARTIN:** Listen.  _ Listen. _ I don't know one fucking state from America. Not one.

**MARTIN:** Isn't, isn't like, Tallahassee the capital or something.

**NIKOLA:** _WHAT._

**SASHA:** MARTIN?!

**JON:** TALLAHASSEE?

**JON:** WHAT THE FUCK. WHERE EVEN IS THAT??

**DANNY:** Tallahassee,  _ Flordia? _

**TIM:** Babe. What the fuck.

**MARTIN:** IT'S IN  _ FLORDIA?? _

**TIM:** _BABE I LITERALLY SAID FLORDIA WHEN I WAS MENTIONING OUT STATES?!_

**MARTIN:** BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WASN'T TUNING YOU OUT OF FEAR.

**TIM:** WHY IS ME LISTING OFF STATES SCARY? OOH. FUCKING. UH.  _ WYOMING. _ BE FUCKING AFRAID.

**SASHA:** Wyoming isn't real.

[ a pause. ]

**TIM:** Sasha. Sash. Sashimi. My love. What.

**JON:** You heard her.

**DANNY:** Wyoming is a bitch of a state that doesn't deserve to exist.

**SASHA:** Yes… corrupting the child…

**DANNY:** I am literally four years younger then Tim and  _ will _ hang up.

**NIKOLA:** Wait! Danny! Wait Wait Before You Go!!

**DANNY:** Yeah, Nik?

**NIKOLA:** Do You Know All Fifty States Or  _ No? _

**DANNY:** … Yes, Nikola.

**NIKOLA:** Did You And Tim Learn Them Together?

**DANNY:** … Yes, Nikola.

**NIKOLA:** Okay! That's All Thank You Dandelion!!

**DANNY:** Nikola do NOT START CALLING ME-

[ A soft  _ ping _ is what everyone hears as Danny is kicked from the call. ]

[ A pause. ]

[ Everyone breaks into laughs. ]

**NIKOLA:** Okay! Okay! So, Perhaps You Weren't Lying! Perhaps!

**TIM:** Nikola  _ why do you not believe me. _

**NIKOLA:** I Hate You.

**TIM:** …

**TIM:** Understandable have a nice day.

[ Tim leaves the call. ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well it sure has been. . A minute. 
> 
> Im posting this so nobody thinks I'm fully dead, ill elaborate more in the next chapter,, ,whenever,, I post that.👍 enjoy whatever this is I thought it was funy :}
> 
> as always check out the dissed cord it is fun :}}   
> https://discord.gg/xC4Y5V9


	29. food discourse is back and this time worse ! welcome to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bazinga :)

**SJ** unmuted  **5** \+ members!

**SJ:** It's been three weeks. Can we all play nice now. Please.

**TS:** oh shit sash minster wit da correct spelling what will they do😳😳

**MB:** Kill Jon?

**Jonny:** I CAN'T HANDLE THIS.

**SJ:** IT'S BEEN THREE WEEKS JON PLEASE

**Jonny:** _I CAN'T HANDLE THIS_

**Nikki:** Oh Shit! Main Chat Back Up? Finally! I Can Cause Problems With Others Now Too!

**Nikki:** Clown Town Is Kinda Boring Now, Not Gonna Lie! This Hell Chat Is Much Bigger! So I Can Cause  _ More _ Problems!

**Jonny:** YOU'VE BEEN TORMENTING ME FOR THREE WEEKS NIKOLA

**Nikki:** And I'd Do It Again!

**Nikki:** What Was It That You Said, Martin? Bap Bap?

**MB:** yeh

**Nikki:** Bap Bap, Jonathan!

**Jonny:** AAAAAAAAAA

**TS:** jon is forced back into his supernatural phase not clickbait 

**Jonny:** I would fucking  _ never. _

**TS:** _i saw you open ao3 on the couch that night bastard_

**Jonny:** YOU DIDNT SEE SHIT

**Jonny:** FALSE FUCKING CLAIMS

**TS:** SURE OKAY I SAW YOU FUCKING FLITER

**TS:** FUCKING ONESHOT LOOKIN ASS

**TS:** _HURT SLASH COMFORT LOOKIN ASS_

**TS:** _ HAPPY ENDING LOOKIN ASS _

**Jonny:** _FUCK YOU_

**SJ:** Maybe I should've just deleted this group chat actually 

**Georgie:** GOD MAIN CHAT BACK UP MAIN CHAT BACK UP

**Georgie:** Mel mel mel mel melanie melanie come back on

**Jonny:** Oh my God. You aren't.

**Georgie:** I am. Hehehehhehe

**Nikki:** Question Mark.  _ Question Mark! _

**Georgie:** So. The night the chat got um

**Jonny:** put into timeout

**TS:** grounded

**Daisy:** punished

**Jonny:** Hmm. That's treading a bit too close to horny for my liking. Bad. I'm disappointed.

**Daisy:** you wish you had the energy I do

**Daisy:** you wish you were me you small fragile little man. You wish.

**Georgie:** SO. THE NIGHT THE CHAT GOT FUCKING PUT DOWN LIKE OLD YELLER

**Jonny:** GEORGIEEWMABDKSJR

**Georgie:** smthn happened with me and Melanie and I only told jon:))

**Jonny:** yeah heart emoji

**Jonny:** also. Georgina. Dont say it in a meme. Be a real goddamn human for once  _ please . _

**Georgie:** no heart emoji

**MK:** wh

**MK:** oh shit the chat is back

**MK:** hey whores 

**MK:** and of course the whore in spirit, jonathan 

**Jonny:** :)

**MK:** oh shit wait r we telling them babe

**Georgie:** if u wanna ?

**Georgie:** I mean I don't wanna pressure u into saying anything bc I know I didn't bring it up with you when I told jon and I still feel bad about that so

**MK:** hey bitches guess who's gonna have a wedding and be MARRIED

**Georgie** : its up to you yk? We don't have 2 i don't mind

**Georgie:** oh nvm

**MK:** :)

**TS:** WHAT

**Jonny:** Still so fucking happy for you two. Let's go wlw let's go!

**SJ:** ON GOD???? ON GOD??????????

**Georgie:** YEAH

**MB:** HOLY SHIT JON IS THIS WHY YOU WENT FROM SOBBING OVER. WHAT WE DO NOT MENTION . TO JUST FUCKING BEAMING THAT NIGHT

**Jonny:** Yeah!

**Georgie:** aaaaAAA IM GONNA HAVE A  _ WIFE !!!!!!!! MELANIE IS MY FIANCÉE  _

**MB:** LETS GO WLW LETS GO

**Ollie:** oh hella

**Ollie:** :)!!

**GF:** OH POGGERS!!!!!!!

**MK:** I GOT FUCKING!!! HITCHED!!!!! 

**Nikki:** I Had To Fucking Reboot! What The Fuck! Oh My God!! Congratulations!

**Nikki:** Seriously, congratulations. I'm happy for you two. It's what you guys deserve. You two… make each other really happy, that's very obvious. I don't like speaking about  _ soulmates, _ because, frankly, I don't believe in them. The both of you, though. You two almost make me want to believe. You two are in it for the long haul, and you both seem fucking ecstatic about it. I love that for you! We have to have a party, or a get together. Absolutely have to.

**Nikki:** Anyway! Who The Fuck Proposed To Who? I Need To Know!

**MK:** I'm crying ngl

**Georgie:** she literally is. so am I

**Georgie:** Also. Yes heart emoji

**Nikki:** What <3

**MK:** yes. 

**Georgie:** both of us at the same time

**SJ:** God thats  _ so _ on brand for you melanie

**Jonny:** Gay.

**Georgie:** You're . Dating Martin and Tim

**Jonny:** gay

**Georgie:** YOU'RE BISEXUAL.

**Jonny:** GAY.

**Georgie:** IM ABOUR TO CALL YOU A SLUR

**Jonny:** ILL CALL YOU ONE BACK WHORE

**Georgie:** FUCK YOU

**Jonny:** _I DONT THINK I WILL_

**Georgie:** AAAARRRGGGGGGGGGH

**MK:** friendship :)

**-**

**TS:** yknow,

**SJ:** uh oh

**MB:** sound the alarm, guys, tim is  _ thinking! _

**TS:** SHUT UP

**Daisy:** Timothy Stoker? Having  _ thoughts ? _ Impossible 

**TS:** I hate it here

**TS:** ANYWAY.

**TS:** jon are you online

**TS:** jonnnnnnnn

**TS:** jonathan

**TS:** jonathan pogchamp redacted sims 

**TS:** JON

**SJ:** hey wait back up  _ pogchamp ? _

**Jonny:** You can just tag me.

**Jonny:** Instead of, you know, bursting into the bathroom.

**TS:** UTS IMPORTANT

**Jonny:** OKAY???? WHAT IS IT

**SJ:** POGCHAMP ?

**TS:** okay so its related to ur eye power bullshit n all of that yk

**SJ:** IM RIGHT HERE ??? But SURE go to the TWINK

**TS:** I DONT THINK YOU WANT TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION ??!?!?!

**Jonny:** Oh fucking hell. What.

**TS:** what entity does santa claus belong to

**TS:** what. Avatar is santa.

**SJ:** .

**SJ:** tim what.

**SJ:** tim WHAT

**Jonny:** _none of us celebrate christmas????_

**TS:** I NEED TO KNOW

**Jonny:** WHY ???

**TS:** JSUT TELL ME .

**SJ:** I mean id assume like stranger or smthn

**Jonny:** Mhm. Maybe Eye? Knowing if you're awake or asleep and all of that. Knowing what you want and shit, too.

**Daisy:** HES THE FUCKING HUNT NEVRT DISRESPECT HIM LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN

**MB:** HUH

**Georgie:** HELO ?

**Daisy:** HES . THE HUNT.

**Daisy:** I look up to him honestly! He's exactly what a hunt avatar strives to be

**TS:** _HES REAL?_

**Daisy:** like I really do look up to him! He's iconic, peak, adore him

**Georgie:** NO BACK THE FUCK UP  _ HES REAL? _

**Georgie:** SANTA IS  _ REAL. _ ???@?@??@????

**Daisy:** well he's more like "krampus" because of yk the whole hunt avatar thing but yeah, :)

**Jonny:** WHAT.

**Daisy:** hm?

**Daisy:** why do you think I tell you to put offerings out even tho you don't celebrate the holidays

**Jonny:** IM FUCKING SHAKING IN MY BOOTS WHQT??????

**Nikki:** Oh! Yes! I Met Old Man Nicholas Once!

**Nikki:** Beat Him In Hand To Hand Combat, Obviously! That's How I Got My Name!

**Nikki:** Kidding! But I Did Beat Him Up Once) That Was Fun

**MK:** please I open this chat back up and see this what the fuck

**Jonny:** HELLOM???? HELLO??!?!?? ITS SO DARK . WHERE AM I .

**MK:** annabelle is talking about moths again

**TS:** _ NO _

**SJ:** PLEASE

**Daisy:** what

**AC:** THEYRE GOOD FUCKING SNACKS AND I THINK YOU SHOULD HAVE THEM AT YOUR WEDDING

**MK:** ME AND GEORGIE ARE NOT SERVING DEEP FRIED MOTHS AT OUR WEDDING.

**MB:** why NOT

**MB:** homophobic lookin ass…

**MK:** _IM A LESBIAN_

**MB:** HOMOPHOBIC LOOKIN ASS !!!

**MK:** IM ENGAGED TO A WOMAN.

**MB:** _HOMOPHOBIA FEELING REALLY SPICY TODAY HUH_

**MK:** I FUCKING HATW YOY

**MB:** FUCK YOU MOTHS ARE A FANTASTIC DISH THAT SHPULD BE RECOGNIZED AS SUCH THEY HAVE SO MHCH FLAVOR TO THEM AND REALLY JUST ADD A POP YOU CANT FIND ANYWHERRE ELSE

**MK:** FUCK YOU MARTIN FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKED UP LITTLE MOTHS FUCKING SPIDER LOOKIN ASS GO GASLIGHT A WOMAN YOU FUCKING WHORE OF A BASTARF FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

**MK:** MISGONYISTIC ASSHOLE

**MB:** HOWD YOU FUFK UP MISGONYISTTIC SO BAD

**MB:** WIAT NO

**Jonny:** WHERE AM I. ITS SO FUCKING DARK. HELLO???? HELLO??? CAN ANYONE FUCKING HEAR ME HELLO?

**Georgie:** jon we did this 

**Georgie:** we started dating these bastards

**Georgie:** also babe itz misogynistic ………..

**MK:** _AAAAAAAAAAAA_

**MB:** Melanie i am speed walking yo your location i am going to forcefeed you moths 

**MK:** NEVER THREATEN ME LIKE 5HAT AGAINBWHAT YHE FUFK

**MB:** NOT A THREAT FUCKER A  _ PROMISE _

**MB:** _START FUCKING RUNNING_

**MK:** WHAT THE FUCK

**TS:** every day this chat makes me mentally ill

**Ollie:** .

**Ollie:** no actually im not gonna ask fucj this goodnight

**GF:** it's early afternoon babe

**Ollie:** I said goodNIGHT

-

**AC:** I canr do this

**Daisy:** ITS GOOD!

**AC:** I CANF DO THIS

**MB:** its good annabelle

**AC:** I CANT. DO. THIS.

**MB:** SPICY CROWS ARE FUCKING GOOD

**Ollie:** . c. crows? crows.???

**GF:** Huh.

**Daisy:** THEY ARE! THEY'RE A LITTLE TREAT PERFECT FOR ANY AND ALL HOLIDAYS 

**AC:** _WE ARENR SERVING SPICY CROWS AT THE NEW YEARS PARTY_

**MB:** WHY NOT.

**AC:** BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK, MARTIN.

**MB:** YOU ARE A CRUEL AND UNJUST SPIDER MOTHER AND I WILL CRY 

**MB:** SOB, SOB,

**MB:** YOU HEAR THAT, ANNA? THAT IS THE SOUND OF ME SOBBING. BOO HOO. I AM CRYING.

**AC:** WHEN THE HELL AND FUCK DID I GET APPOINTED TO SPIDER MOTHER?

**AC:** I DONT WANT TO BE A MOTHER

**AC:** I HATE KIDS

**Nikki:** May I Add My Own Opinion?

**Nikki:** Spicy Crows Fuck)

**AC:** WHAT IS WRONG. WITH ALL OF YOU.

**Ollie:** one day I will snap and then you will all see

**Nikki:** That's What You Always Say, Oliver! Your Threats Mean Nothing To A God.)

**Ollie:** nikola when does the god complex die

**Nikki:** When I Die. Bitch.

**Ollie:** so never.

**Nikki:** ))

-

**Heely:** Destiel just became canon for the 7th time :^] how are you all?

**Jonny:** WHEN DOES MY SUFFERING FUCKING END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holiday and new years you bastards !!! did you guys do anything fun ?? let me know ! :^))


	30. It's time, isn't it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Call me Unus fucking Annus, guys, because this is the end.

Ah. This is, uh.

The final chapter, I suppose.

I wanted to make it to a year, I really did. However, as time drags on, TMA gets… more and more bitter for me. This fic, grows more and more bitter for me.

I'm putting this in a chapter instead of a notes, just so you all do see this.

I'm going to explain myself, first off, and what exactly has happened.

TMA was a hyperfixation for me. I ate up the content and adored it - I really did. I made my discord - which I'll discuss in a moment - and god, it made everything so much better, you know? I got to actually  _ engage _ in the fandom. Talk with people who, not only enjoyed TMA, but liked  _ my _ writing. Liked… well,  _ me! _ And it was bliss, it was. I met people I cared about, still care about.

And then my interest started to dull. Fear burned into me,  _ what? _ No, no, I can't lose interest in TMA, I'm writing a popular fic for it, I have to stay in the fandom, I have to keep going,

Honestly? Maybe I would've.

… but then someone I trusted, turned out to be very,  _ very _ fucking weird. Because, hi, Theo, author here, I'm a minor. I won't state my age, for… god, so many reasons, but I am a  _ minor. _ And this person knew that, got me to trust them, look up to them, and tried to get me to indulge in weird fucking shit.  _ Weird _ fucking shit. I blocked them, banned them from the server, and moved on for a period.

(Fun fact! Looked them up recently and they're into fucking  _ incest. _ Somehow I am… not surprised. Just glad they didn't try and get me to think of  _ that _ as "not as bad!")

I carried on, my interest in TMA dulling heavy by this point, and that situation not helping. I continued to run my server, and everything seemed fine.

… Hoo boy, I am scared of saying this, but I guess I have to. I'm the poster of the "kinlist" tweet. I'm sure you all know the one. 

I'm going to state, very, very blankly, right here, I am not going to indulge in defending myself in the comments. No matter your stance. Fight it out amongst yourselves, if you must, but I'm tired with this situation. I'm going to vaguely defend myself here, explain what happened after, and not touch it again.

I did not intend for Jonny to see the tweet. Truthfully, I had thought he had his tweet notifications muted, or at least did not check them often. It was a joke between me and my friends to ask creators for their kinlists, because, hey, what's the harm?

I stand by that mindset. A kinlist, in today's terms, is nothing that would cause harm. Fucking hell, it's a  _ joke _ , half the time. Kinning, whether you like it or not, in common terms now, practically just means relating to a character.

He replied to the tweet, as I'm sure you all know. His reply was funny. I hold no ill will towards Jonny.  _ None. _

I did, after the fact, though, get death threats for said tweet, have my friends accounts - friends who were  _ not involved - _ talked and posted about on a public tumblr blog, who, when asked, did  _ not _ take the post down, said it "wasn't their responsibility" (not exact words, I'm just not willing to look at their account.) for causing panic attacks, and then tried to… blame us? For causing them to have a panic attack?

Call it childish to get so scared by this, so anxious, but me and my friends are kids, at the end of the day, and it did cause panic attacks, fucked us all up, really.

I've been vague tweeted and posted about to death. I still occasionally get dms about it on my tumblr.

That,  _ that _ was the moment I truly started to hate the TMA fandom. I stopped interacting with it fully, at this point. I tried to write chapters for this series, and I did, but they became barely monthly. And I'm sorry for that.

Listening to TMA was impossible. Every time I tried I'd get anxious. I couldn't interact with the fandom, and I didn't… god, I wasn't even invested anymore. Hadn't been for a while.

I don't want to call it trauma. I have my own fair share of trauma, and I don't want to have a stupid fucking fandom drama on that list, but at the very least? It fucked me up. Still fucks me up. I can't listen to TMA anymore, like, physically can't. I stay as far away from the fandom as possible.

I'm not going to go into this one, I don't think. It's so, so very personal, to me and my friends, and, truthfully, you all don't deserve to know this. Which may sound harsh, but, 

Through my server, through this fic, through TMA, I met my ex. We got close pretty fast, and started dating a few months after we knew each other. It seemed fine at first, it was not. They emotionally abused me, and close friends of mine. Manipulating and hurting our friend group. 

God. If you're still subscribed to this fucking fic, you know who you are, fuck you.

Now  _ that! _ That was trauma. And the last nail in the coffin for me, and this fandom.

Now, for… less dark news, I suppose.

I'm not planning on deleting the discord. While I don't know what'll happen with this fic no longer being updated, I will still continue to run it. I'm linking it in the endnotes, as well. Still, feel free to join! It's a very welcoming community, and I have no issues running it. (I just don't often partake in conversations. I am, however, still watching and modding.)

I also want to just, add my original ending chapter, here. It's much lighter, and my opinions have shifted on a few things, but I… it makes me smile, remembering how happy I was, then.

Current me will talk more in the notes, now, enjoy past, blissfully untraumatized (.../hj) Mx. EyeMug.

_ Hi. I'm Theo, or EyeMug, or Theothy, or Spiff, or Tiff, or whatever the hell you know me by. I'm the writer of this fic. Hi. _

_ This isn't a note, this isn't a goodbye, or a hello, this isn't the end, but it isn't the beginning of something new. Claimed By Gods(?) Gang Gang is over. It's been a year… and it's… it's over. It's been a great fucking year, though. Before I get sappy and sad I just… I do want to say thank you. Thank you, yeah, you, the person reading this. You, whether you found CBGGG back when it first started or today, when I post these, or some time in-between, you made this possible. You made this fic what it is. Truly. _

_ When I made the first chapter, I never expected… anything. I expected to post one goddamn chapter, and then move on. I wrote all of it within two hours, I was bored, and hadn't written anything in a while. When I was finished, I decided to post it. What harm could it do? I remember thinking. I almost didn't do it. I did. I clicked my little buttons, and I hit post, and… _

_ I'm not exaggerating when I say that was one of the best decisions I've ever made, actually. To be fair, I don't make a lot of decisions, but, you know. /j _

_ I've met some of my closest friends because of this fic. I've gained actual fucking confidence because of this fic. This is, currently, the longest thing I've ever written.  _

_ So, again, thank you all. Thank you. I cannot explain how nice it is to know that I've helped people with this fic. Hell, I can say something I've written was read on top of a mountain. I can say that this fic, granted, indirectly, caused like, who fucking knows how many friendships, and like, genuine fucking relationships. That's so weird to think about! _

_ When I made the discord, I wasn't planning on anyone joining. I was scared. I did it, though. I did it, and everyone I've met there, minus a few people we… do not talk about, heart emoji, everyone I've met on there I fucking adore. So, you know what.  _

_ This chapter goes out to you, Seb. This chapter goes out to the kid I consider a little brother, Harper. This chapter goes out to my little neurodivergent sibling and our little vibe chats, Crow. This chapter goes out to the person who deserves the fucking world, Jay. This chapter goes out to the person who has been here since the goddamn beginning, Darby. This chapter goes out to David, who is simply Always Correct. This chapter goes out to Pines, who I'm very glad I've had the chance to talk with. This chapter goes out to everyone, and anyone, who has joined the discord. Whether you're still there or not. _

_ This chapter also goes out to you, dear reader. You've been here, you've read my rambles of a fic, and it's… it's always bittersweet, seeing something you enjoy leave, I know. Or maybe you're hatereading this, which, in that case, hella, love that for you, icon. I'm sure it'll be hard to not have something to make fun of.  _

_ Assuming you guys actually like this shit, though, I get it. Bittersweet, right? _

_ Don't fret, you'll find another fic. There's always something new, something, dare I say, better, even. This'll always be here, too. If you ever wanna reread, wanna have a laugh. I'm never planning on deleting this. I'm actually… still quite proud of it. _

_ I'm ending it here, on the year anniversary, because I could keep writing it. I could. I could keep writing and never stop but I don't… wanna do that to you guys. I don't suddenly want to lose interest more than I already have, and leave an unfinished fic. Especially not one that I care about this much. _

_ So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it has to end. It's never fun, leaving a fic, but it's worse always… guessing. Wondering. Where did the author go? What happened? Why didn't they finish it? _

_ I don't wanna do that to you guys. So I won't. So this little bastard fic that means so much to me will end here. I hope the ending was satisfying. _

_ And… you know what. Fuck it. I'll do the final thank you. _

_ Thank you, Jonathan Sims, for making The Magnus Archives. Thank you. I may not enjoy it like I once did, but I can never repay you enough. I've met some of my best friends because of your podcast. I know you'll never see this. I know that, but thank you. From the deepest part of my soul. Thank you. Hell, if you ever fucking do… hi. My name is Theo, I need you to know that you've helped me through… a lot. Your podcast has helped. So much. I've met some of the best people because of it. So, thank you. _

_ Okay. I think… I think that's it. Woah. Weird. _

_ CBGGG is over. The impact it's left on people is not. This fic will always be here, and hell, I'm still writing. I'm still working on spin-offs. This fic is over, but it is not dead. I don't think it'll ever be. _

_ So, hey, click on that little series button and go reread, or read for the first time, why don't you? Or check out my account. I do have some serious writing. If you can find it, of course. _

_ … I'm stalling. _

_ I don't want to say goodbye, you know? I don't. Saying goodbye is… scary. Saying goodbye is… it's scary. I don't want to. Do we ever, though? Not to get all Griffin McElroy, but, exits… aren't always made equal. You guys got a goodbye though, I got to say goodbye. I feel like I'm making this more serious than it is. _

_ Yes I kin Taako. We aren't gonna talk about it. _

_ Okay. Okay. Okay. _

_ Thank you. Thank you all. For the comments, for the bookmarks, for the kudos. For the time you've spent here. Thank you for laughing at my shitty fic. _

_ I want you all to know I've read every single comment. I've cried over comments. I know some of you guys by user, and I wish I got the chance to talk with you more. I appreciate all of you. _

_ I'm just a guy. I'm just a stupid dude with a keyboard who wants to thank you all. For everything. Writing this fic has been a blessing and a bit of a curse. A fond curse, though. I wouldn't trade this fic, and what happened because of it for the world. _

_ Thank you.  _

_ This is Theo EyeMug, signing off. For… the last time. _

_ <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Current Theo back. Just a few more things to say,
> 
> I'm sorry I am leaving this fic unfinished. I'm sorry I have, I'm sure, left questions unanswered. I'm sorry this isn't, in fact, the one year anniversary.
> 
> I'm sorry it has to end so fucking badly. 
> 
> While I'm sure this won't happen, I'll leave this here:
> 
> The CBGGGverse is entirely open for public use, as long as you credit me as the original creator for the universe. Do you want to fuck around with bits I've mentioned in passing? Do you think they deserved a better ending (trick question! They did.) Do you just like the way I've characterized the characters and want to play with them? Feel, absolutely, free to. As long as I'm credited, or this fic is linked back to. Go fucking wild.
> 
> I'll also be answering plot questions you have! Ask away, truly.
> 
> Before I start crying, because, yeah, ending this fic is that bittersweet for me, I guess I'll ask a question. When did you find CBGGG? Why have you stuck around? And, a final question, 
> 
> Do you know how thankful I am that you did?
> 
> The discord:  
> https://discord.gg/9hH4BgF5
> 
> Bye, guys. This is Mr. Theo EyeMug, heading out of the TMA fandom. It hasn't always been fun, not a lot of it was fun at all, actually, but you all really did make it worth it.
> 
> I know this fic has helped some of you continue going, I'm so, so proud of all of you. You're incredible. You are fantastic and I am so, so proud that you're still here. Thank you for still being here. Stick around, you'll find another fic to cling to until you can cling to something more grounded. You got this, you'll make it, I know know will.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Clown Balloons & Sasha's Milk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26445802) by [acaciapines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/acaciapines/pseuds/acaciapines)
  * [Elias Bouchard Hate Group](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26718007) by [StarReads](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarReads/pseuds/StarReads)
  * [clown crew B)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27228187) by [soldierpoetprince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldierpoetprince/pseuds/soldierpoetprince)




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